What are you afraid of?

Fear. It's a very debilitating emotion. Have you ever been scared of what someone might say if you stood up for yourself? When you find yourself in this position ask yourself - 'what am i afraid of here?'.

For instance, let's say you have a friend who is quite insecure. You love her, but you don't want her to take on her negative baggage out on you all the time. Every time she says something that insinuates you're not putting her first, or that you don't have a right to feel the way you'd like you, you feel anxious and just give in to her demands. Let's say she's been calling you for a few days and you're avoiding returning the call because you don't want the stress associated with talking to her. At this point, ask yourself that question. 'What are you afraid of?' In essence you are scared of her making another negative comment. But... what if you decided not to be scared any more. After all, she's made these comments many times before and nothing bad happened. You're avoiding her anyway. So why not tell yourself that she can feel however she wants. You're not giving in to her demands and she is not someone warranted of fear. Words can only hurt if you allow them to.

Now if when you call she goes down the same track, you simply do not give ANY fuel to her comments. This is easier when you have been calm BEFORE making the return phone call. You have to retrain the friend to understand that you're not going to pander to her insecurities any longer.