It takes a lot of soul searching to forgive those that have hurt you, however holding on to anger only brings you more pain. When you decide to forgive you also need to be mindful that you may think you've moved on, but the hurt lags behind. Its easy to think you're forgiving, but when you dig deep or things remind you of what has upset you, the anger and pain will show you whether you have really forgiven or not.
When you're angry so many things are said that you wish you could take back or get through to the person you are mad at. However sometimes your feelings and wishes fall on deaf ears and this is the time to let go - trusting you have done all you can to rectify the situation.
True forgiveness of other & particularly yourself is what is required to move on. Where the self forgiveness comes in, is where you are criticizing yourself for putting yourself in a certain situation, not standing up for yourself earlier and so on. We need to understand we are human. When you love someone it's amazing how much you will excuse and put up with. These are often things you would strongly advise your close friends to walk away from.
The mistakes we make in life are in the past - they are gone. So too are the mistakes others have made. You can choose to hold on to anger and pain and live in the past, or you can choose to move forward - forgive & let go.
So if you're holding on to anything negative in the past or present tell yourself today "I'm finally letting go and moving forward."
Find more inspiration & personalized support at Happy Life: www.happylife.net.au
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Standing up & letting go
Sometimes you have to let things go to truly appreciate how much you love them. Similarly, sometimes you have to let go of negative relationships to assist others to appreciate you.
It's not always easy to let go of people you have been close to for some time, but every once in a while your instincts tell you certain relationships are not good for your self-esteem & it's time to explain to the person how you feel, then take some time apart. If the person values your relationship he/she will deeply think about how you feel and re-evaluate his/her behaviour accordingly.
Standing up for yourself does not guarantee the person will come around to your thinking, but it will protect you from getting hurt any further and will increase your self esteem when you acknowledge the value in yourself as a person.
It can be scary to let go of negative relationships, but it's worth it when they are damaging your self worth.
It's not always easy to let go of people you have been close to for some time, but every once in a while your instincts tell you certain relationships are not good for your self-esteem & it's time to explain to the person how you feel, then take some time apart. If the person values your relationship he/she will deeply think about how you feel and re-evaluate his/her behaviour accordingly.
Standing up for yourself does not guarantee the person will come around to your thinking, but it will protect you from getting hurt any further and will increase your self esteem when you acknowledge the value in yourself as a person.
It can be scary to let go of negative relationships, but it's worth it when they are damaging your self worth.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Picking yourself up when you're down
It's easy to feel motivated and inspired when things are going well. During these times you feel inspired to achieve and follow through on all the steps you've meticulously devised to reach your goals. But what happens when you hit a fork in the road? For example:
1) you receive an unexpected bill
2) you experience rejection
3) you notice you've gained weight
4) you fight with a loved one
These negative (unexpected) experiences can really bring you down and throw you off course. Further, if you're not careful, they can quickly cause you to spiral into thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness which often lead to depression.
In order to cope with the struggles life can throw at you - in the moment - it helps to tackle your moods from the physical & then from the emotional/psychological perspectives.
Physical
In the midst of a negative mood, you first need to change your physical body to try to shake off the feeling of hopelessness. Unfortunately this is when many people turn to alcohol and/or medication for a quick-fix solution (later suffering from the side effects). Better options include eating foods that release serotonin - like tuna, having a coffee or going for a walk/run.
Emotional/psychological
After you've shaken off the physical component it's important to work through the emotional and psychological components. This often requires speaking to someone else who can give you a balanced perspective. This is why I suggest my clients text or email me when they are in the midst of a stressful situation or mood - that way they can have a quick response from me to help them snap out of their negative state & feel better about moving forward - right in the moment, rather than having to wait until their next session to discuss the issue.
The last step is taking control. Have a look at the situation in your (now) more rational mindset and work out what steps you can take to get through it.
Life will often throw things at you when you least expect it. However, if you cope with the strategies noted above, you will increase your resilience and optimism and live a much happier and fulfilling life.
1) you receive an unexpected bill
2) you experience rejection
3) you notice you've gained weight
4) you fight with a loved one
These negative (unexpected) experiences can really bring you down and throw you off course. Further, if you're not careful, they can quickly cause you to spiral into thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness which often lead to depression.
In order to cope with the struggles life can throw at you - in the moment - it helps to tackle your moods from the physical & then from the emotional/psychological perspectives.
Physical
In the midst of a negative mood, you first need to change your physical body to try to shake off the feeling of hopelessness. Unfortunately this is when many people turn to alcohol and/or medication for a quick-fix solution (later suffering from the side effects). Better options include eating foods that release serotonin - like tuna, having a coffee or going for a walk/run.
Emotional/psychological
After you've shaken off the physical component it's important to work through the emotional and psychological components. This often requires speaking to someone else who can give you a balanced perspective. This is why I suggest my clients text or email me when they are in the midst of a stressful situation or mood - that way they can have a quick response from me to help them snap out of their negative state & feel better about moving forward - right in the moment, rather than having to wait until their next session to discuss the issue.
The last step is taking control. Have a look at the situation in your (now) more rational mindset and work out what steps you can take to get through it.
Life will often throw things at you when you least expect it. However, if you cope with the strategies noted above, you will increase your resilience and optimism and live a much happier and fulfilling life.
Picking yourself up when you're down
It's easy to feel motivated and inspired when things are going well. During these times you feel inspired to achieve and follow through on all the steps you've meticulously devised to reach your goals. But what happens when you hit a fork in the road? For example:
1) you receive an unexpected bill
2) you experience rejection
3) you notice you've gained weight
4) you fight with a loved one
These negative (unexpected) experiences can really bring you down and throw you off course. Further, if you're not careful, they can quickly cause you to spiral into thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness which often lead to depression.
In order to cope with the struggles life can throw at you - in the moment - it helps to tackle your moods from the physical & then from the emotional/psychological perspectives.
Physical
In the midst of a negative mood, you first need to change your physical body to try to shake off the feeling of hopelessness. Unfortunately this is when many people turn to alcohol and/or medication for a quick-fix solution (later suffering from the side effects). Better options include eating foods that release serotonin - like tuna, having a coffee or going for a walk/run.
Emotional/psychological
After you've shaken off the physical component it's important to work through the emotional and psychological components. This often requires speaking to someone else who can give you a balanced perspective. This is why I suggest my clients text or email me when they are in the midst of a stressful situation or mood - that way they can have a quick response from me to help them snap out of their negative state & feel better about moving forward - right in the moment, rather than having to wait until their next session to discuss the issue.
The last step is taking control. Have a look at the situation in your (now) more rational mindset and work out what steps you can take to get through it.
Life will often throw things at you when you least expect it. However, if you cope with the strategies noted above, you will increase your resilience and optimism and live a much happier and fulfilling life.
1) you receive an unexpected bill
2) you experience rejection
3) you notice you've gained weight
4) you fight with a loved one
These negative (unexpected) experiences can really bring you down and throw you off course. Further, if you're not careful, they can quickly cause you to spiral into thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness which often lead to depression.
In order to cope with the struggles life can throw at you - in the moment - it helps to tackle your moods from the physical & then from the emotional/psychological perspectives.
Physical
In the midst of a negative mood, you first need to change your physical body to try to shake off the feeling of hopelessness. Unfortunately this is when many people turn to alcohol and/or medication for a quick-fix solution (later suffering from the side effects). Better options include eating foods that release serotonin - like tuna, having a coffee or going for a walk/run.
Emotional/psychological
After you've shaken off the physical component it's important to work through the emotional and psychological components. This often requires speaking to someone else who can give you a balanced perspective. This is why I suggest my clients text or email me when they are in the midst of a stressful situation or mood - that way they can have a quick response from me to help them snap out of their negative state & feel better about moving forward - right in the moment, rather than having to wait until their next session to discuss the issue.
The last step is taking control. Have a look at the situation in your (now) more rational mindset and work out what steps you can take to get through it.
Life will often throw things at you when you least expect it. However, if you cope with the strategies noted above, you will increase your resilience and optimism and live a much happier and fulfilling life.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Curbing self sabotage
Often when you get close to achieving your desires your brain finds a way to make you scared. It will come up with a million "what ifs" & if you're not ready to fight these off, you'll self sabotage your success.
Careers are a perfect example of this. You can spend years being a frustrated artist waiting for your big break. Then, as soon as the break arrives you start telling yourself it's clashing with your other commitments, or you convince yourself you're not good enough. If you don't fight off, or ignore these fears you will believe them & in turn convince yourself to avoid the big break. Leaving you once again feeling 'down' - waiting for the next big break to arrive.
The fear of the unknown can be extremely intense. It's much safer to stay where you are because you can tell yourself you haven't yet 'made it' because the circumstances haven't been right. The scary part is thinking what if I take that break and fall flat on my face - then what do I do???
However, if you can believe that each step is part of the process and even reward yourself for taking each break - regardless of the outcome, you will enjoy the journey and get closer and closer to where you want to be.
Find more inspiration and support from the Happy Life team visit: www.happylife.net.au
Careers are a perfect example of this. You can spend years being a frustrated artist waiting for your big break. Then, as soon as the break arrives you start telling yourself it's clashing with your other commitments, or you convince yourself you're not good enough. If you don't fight off, or ignore these fears you will believe them & in turn convince yourself to avoid the big break. Leaving you once again feeling 'down' - waiting for the next big break to arrive.
The fear of the unknown can be extremely intense. It's much safer to stay where you are because you can tell yourself you haven't yet 'made it' because the circumstances haven't been right. The scary part is thinking what if I take that break and fall flat on my face - then what do I do???
However, if you can believe that each step is part of the process and even reward yourself for taking each break - regardless of the outcome, you will enjoy the journey and get closer and closer to where you want to be.
Find more inspiration and support from the Happy Life team visit: www.happylife.net.au
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Getting off the treadmill of live - in relationships
One of the things that MANY people forget to do in their intimate and social relationships is to have fun. Often we associate certain friends with talking about our problem, our partners with talking about bills & chores and our family with talking about dramas. As a result, we can easily lose touch of the importance of connections with people we really care about. Also, these people can begin to associate you with being stressed and the negative things you are discussing, rather than having a balanced perspective of who you are as a person.
Of course, in all relationships we need time to be able to discuss things that are going on in our lives - even if it's not much fun at the time. However, it's really important to ensure there is a balance. This means making sure the positive experiences you have with the people you care about outweight the negative experiences. This is particularly true of couples. If you're in a relationship where you are living with your partner, think about your interactions when you meet at home after work. Do you take time to be affectionate and warm towards each other, or does one person tend to get straight into discussions about the stressors of the day, or worries about personal issues?
These little interactions throughout a day are the foundations of good communication and without them often hidden meanings are drawn about behaviour. For instance, if you come home from work and do not acknowledge your partner and simply go straight to talk to your children, your partner may begin to think you are not as excited to see him/her as you are to see the kids. However, a 2 second kiss or hug and THEN embracing the kids will give a totally different message.
It's interesting how we often simply assume those close to us know how we feel about them. We tend to neglect making a special effort (on a day to day basis) with friends and loved ones who we think should just know how we feel and thus put more effort into relationships that we think need more work. However, this behaviour does not encourage those who have been good to us and those who we often care most deeply for.
So take time to be mindful of your behaviour and bring back into your life the little things that bring you close to those you love most.
Of course, in all relationships we need time to be able to discuss things that are going on in our lives - even if it's not much fun at the time. However, it's really important to ensure there is a balance. This means making sure the positive experiences you have with the people you care about outweight the negative experiences. This is particularly true of couples. If you're in a relationship where you are living with your partner, think about your interactions when you meet at home after work. Do you take time to be affectionate and warm towards each other, or does one person tend to get straight into discussions about the stressors of the day, or worries about personal issues?
These little interactions throughout a day are the foundations of good communication and without them often hidden meanings are drawn about behaviour. For instance, if you come home from work and do not acknowledge your partner and simply go straight to talk to your children, your partner may begin to think you are not as excited to see him/her as you are to see the kids. However, a 2 second kiss or hug and THEN embracing the kids will give a totally different message.
It's interesting how we often simply assume those close to us know how we feel about them. We tend to neglect making a special effort (on a day to day basis) with friends and loved ones who we think should just know how we feel and thus put more effort into relationships that we think need more work. However, this behaviour does not encourage those who have been good to us and those who we often care most deeply for.
So take time to be mindful of your behaviour and bring back into your life the little things that bring you close to those you love most.
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