In the pursuit of goals, there are two steps. 1) deciding on the goal that you want to achieve and 2) being 100% committed to achieving your goal. The first one takes some time because you can find you change your mind regularly about what you really want. However, once you are convinced about your desires, the most important part is being committed to achieving it.
In order to be committed to achieving a goal you need a number of things:
- ) unwavering self believe that you can achieve your goal
-) a single minded attitude that is able to fight against any obstacles that come your way
-) a plan that you can easily follow and adjust when necessary
-) a clear view of the steps necessary to make it
The first two of these necessities can be the most challenging. For instance, if you are starting a new business, you are likely to be faced with a period of making little money or just breaking even. At this point, you need to believe wholeheartedly in your product, avoid destructions that may convince you to focus on other ways to make (quick-fix) money and ignore the negative messages you are likely to be sending yourself - that will dint your self confidence.
With a strong mental attitude you can achieve any goal you set your mind towards. In fact, most successful people will tell of times they were faced with setbacks, but with a strong mind, they persisted and achieved their dreams. Most people give up in the face of adversity or when things become challenging. This is the time, however, to be strong and trust that if you are 100% deviated to achieving your goals you can and will be successful in your endeavors.
---- visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au for all your life coaching, counseling and self-help needs
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Changing your life - with balance
One of the things experts who have changed their lives say, is that with dedication and perseverance - you can change your life. However, the hardest part about changing your life, is balancing all the aspects of your life that you wish to excel in. For instance, how do you manage to have a successful career when you have a strong desire to spend time with your partner and children? Many successful professionals often find themselves working long hours in order to move up the corporate ladder, or to build successful businesses. Getting the balance right can be difficult.
Whilst their are practical considerations and roadblocks to balancing life priorities (especially when you're trying to make a change to reach a goal), there are two essential ingredients to achieving a good balance:
1) Unwavering self-belief
2) Feeling happy about the balance that you maintain
1) Unwavering self-belief
This is one of the biggest challenges human beings face. Many people find themselves self-sabotaging their successes because they don't really believe they're good enough to achieve or sustain their desired goals. When the goal is set, it appears to be achievable, however, when roadblocks start to appear, or the road becomes a little more difficult, self-doubt creeps in to dint confidence and motivation. This self-doubt usually leads to procrastination. People often assume procrastination is laziness, however, it is usually the result of underlying fear.
One of the easiest ways to build self- belief when you're moving towards a goal, is to continually refocus on where you want to go. For instance, if your goal is to write a book, you may find yourself procrastinating to avoid parts of the process (e.g. writing, editing, promoting) so as to have an excuse for it to potentially fail - as it's not yet complete. In the moments of procrastination, you must continuously remind yourself why your goal is important to you. You also need to be focused in the present moment, rather than focusing on the outcome of the goal. In the book writing example, you would focus on just the next step, rather than worrying about whether or not the book is going to be liked or well received. This mind shift takes some effort and persistence, because fear can be a very strong motivator for moving away from achieving a potentially scary goal.
2) Feeling happy about the life balance you maintain
Everyone has different desires and wishes for their professional life and personal life. Thus, you need to take time out to think about how much time you feel comfortable spending in all areas of your life and how this sits with those you care about most. Research shows that consistent, positive and quality time with loved ones is very effective at maintaining good quality relationships, so if you have minimal time with loved ones, at least make it count. This way, you can feel good about the time you're spending together and rationalise the amount of time you spend at work, at the gym, with friends and acquaintances, travelling and so on.
It's a good idea to give yourself space and time to reflect on the past year and to think about new strategies you could put into place to make your life more productive, effective and enjoyable. Trust in your self-belief and abilities to make the changes necessary to live a happy and successful life and seek help whenever you need it - to move forward with self confidence, trust and motivation.
Visit Happy Life today for personalised Life coaching and counselling support, or self-help online products, books and programs. See www.happylife.net.au
Whilst their are practical considerations and roadblocks to balancing life priorities (especially when you're trying to make a change to reach a goal), there are two essential ingredients to achieving a good balance:
1) Unwavering self-belief
2) Feeling happy about the balance that you maintain
1) Unwavering self-belief
This is one of the biggest challenges human beings face. Many people find themselves self-sabotaging their successes because they don't really believe they're good enough to achieve or sustain their desired goals. When the goal is set, it appears to be achievable, however, when roadblocks start to appear, or the road becomes a little more difficult, self-doubt creeps in to dint confidence and motivation. This self-doubt usually leads to procrastination. People often assume procrastination is laziness, however, it is usually the result of underlying fear.
One of the easiest ways to build self- belief when you're moving towards a goal, is to continually refocus on where you want to go. For instance, if your goal is to write a book, you may find yourself procrastinating to avoid parts of the process (e.g. writing, editing, promoting) so as to have an excuse for it to potentially fail - as it's not yet complete. In the moments of procrastination, you must continuously remind yourself why your goal is important to you. You also need to be focused in the present moment, rather than focusing on the outcome of the goal. In the book writing example, you would focus on just the next step, rather than worrying about whether or not the book is going to be liked or well received. This mind shift takes some effort and persistence, because fear can be a very strong motivator for moving away from achieving a potentially scary goal.
2) Feeling happy about the life balance you maintain
Everyone has different desires and wishes for their professional life and personal life. Thus, you need to take time out to think about how much time you feel comfortable spending in all areas of your life and how this sits with those you care about most. Research shows that consistent, positive and quality time with loved ones is very effective at maintaining good quality relationships, so if you have minimal time with loved ones, at least make it count. This way, you can feel good about the time you're spending together and rationalise the amount of time you spend at work, at the gym, with friends and acquaintances, travelling and so on.
It's a good idea to give yourself space and time to reflect on the past year and to think about new strategies you could put into place to make your life more productive, effective and enjoyable. Trust in your self-belief and abilities to make the changes necessary to live a happy and successful life and seek help whenever you need it - to move forward with self confidence, trust and motivation.
Visit Happy Life today for personalised Life coaching and counselling support, or self-help online products, books and programs. See www.happylife.net.au
Friday, December 7, 2012
How to cope with difficult relationships at work and in your family
There are many times in life when you're likely to find yourself in relationships that are unhealthy - and particularly damaging for your self-esteem. This happens particularly within the relationships in your family or at work. One of the major issues we are faced with is the stereotype we have created of the perfect job and family. We expect our family to be similar to the loving supportive families portrayed on tv (eg Family Ties, Modern Family, Different Strokes). We also expect our job environment to be fun, supportive and rewarding. With such high expectations, it's very easy to feel disappointed.
Often family's are coping with various emotions, life changes, cultural and religious expectations. At work you are placed in an environment with people who you may or may not get along with - or even like. However, you have up find a way to create an effective working relationship in order to enjoy your work and be productive.
There are various ways to cope within families and at work when you are faced with dealing with people who are letting you down, are criticizing you, or are trying to undermine you. When you have to stay in the environment there are 3 things you can do in a relationship that's letting you down in order to better cope and protect your self-esteem.
1) lower your expectations.
We often judge people against others in the same role (eg a friend's mum, or an old boss), however we have to allow people to be who they are and not expect any more. If they beat or meet our expectations, we can be pleasantly surprised, just don't expect them to be anything more than they are.
2) reduce contact
When you are around others with negative energy, do your best to minimize your physical contact with them. Choose your moments to communicate with these people and be calm and confident in your interactions - when you have to be in contact.
3) ask for very little
This is an important one and it's closely related to lowering your expectations. We ask for things because we expect a certain degree from others (eg expecting your boss to validate you, or expecting a family member to buy you a special gift for your birthday). If you ask for less and expect less, you increase your chances of being pleasantly surprised and you increase your coping resources when your hopes are not met.
In life, you are bound to come across people who rub you up the wrong way, so implementing the above strategies can
make life easier and much more enjoyable.
Often family's are coping with various emotions, life changes, cultural and religious expectations. At work you are placed in an environment with people who you may or may not get along with - or even like. However, you have up find a way to create an effective working relationship in order to enjoy your work and be productive.
There are various ways to cope within families and at work when you are faced with dealing with people who are letting you down, are criticizing you, or are trying to undermine you. When you have to stay in the environment there are 3 things you can do in a relationship that's letting you down in order to better cope and protect your self-esteem.
1) lower your expectations.
We often judge people against others in the same role (eg a friend's mum, or an old boss), however we have to allow people to be who they are and not expect any more. If they beat or meet our expectations, we can be pleasantly surprised, just don't expect them to be anything more than they are.
2) reduce contact
When you are around others with negative energy, do your best to minimize your physical contact with them. Choose your moments to communicate with these people and be calm and confident in your interactions - when you have to be in contact.
3) ask for very little
This is an important one and it's closely related to lowering your expectations. We ask for things because we expect a certain degree from others (eg expecting your boss to validate you, or expecting a family member to buy you a special gift for your birthday). If you ask for less and expect less, you increase your chances of being pleasantly surprised and you increase your coping resources when your hopes are not met.
In life, you are bound to come across people who rub you up the wrong way, so implementing the above strategies can
make life easier and much more enjoyable.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Stress and your body
There is countless research regarding the effects of stress on your internal and external body. Stress is a very broad term, encompassing anxiety, worry, physiological & chemical body distress (eg being cold for too long, being over tired, being overworked) and so on.
There is a very strong connection between the mind and the body, yet many times it takes a physical manifestation to occur before you do something to minimize the stress. For instance, you'll wait until you experience significant stomach pain, headaches or back ache, before deciding to become actively involved in meditation, Pilates, or mindfulness practice.
The ideal, however, is to consistently train your mind to become more resilient to the inevitable stress around you. For instance, if you're struggling with financial worry, every time you receive a new bill, you are likely to be filled with panic, dread and physical illness as a result of prolonged stress. In order to minimize stress you need a plan to manage your current situation, stick to your plan and move forward. An example of this plan would be to stagger your pay cheque according to your urgent bills & lifestyle & to put away specific amounts of money to pay off debt & have some fun. As long as the bare minimum is being paid, you can reduce stress and then focus on new ways to increase your income.
Worry can become a habit, so much so that you can learn to create worries when one does not appear to exist. Thus, it's important to also start paying attention to your worry cue's. This will help you to direct your relaxation efforts to the right time and place. Its crucial to learn when you are most likely to be stressed and use these times to implement stress reduction strategies, such as controlled breathing, acceptance of the situation and belief in your ability to cope with anything life throws at you.
Find more tips on reducing anxiety in the free article area of the Happy Life website: www.happylife.net.au
There is a very strong connection between the mind and the body, yet many times it takes a physical manifestation to occur before you do something to minimize the stress. For instance, you'll wait until you experience significant stomach pain, headaches or back ache, before deciding to become actively involved in meditation, Pilates, or mindfulness practice.
The ideal, however, is to consistently train your mind to become more resilient to the inevitable stress around you. For instance, if you're struggling with financial worry, every time you receive a new bill, you are likely to be filled with panic, dread and physical illness as a result of prolonged stress. In order to minimize stress you need a plan to manage your current situation, stick to your plan and move forward. An example of this plan would be to stagger your pay cheque according to your urgent bills & lifestyle & to put away specific amounts of money to pay off debt & have some fun. As long as the bare minimum is being paid, you can reduce stress and then focus on new ways to increase your income.
Worry can become a habit, so much so that you can learn to create worries when one does not appear to exist. Thus, it's important to also start paying attention to your worry cue's. This will help you to direct your relaxation efforts to the right time and place. Its crucial to learn when you are most likely to be stressed and use these times to implement stress reduction strategies, such as controlled breathing, acceptance of the situation and belief in your ability to cope with anything life throws at you.
Find more tips on reducing anxiety in the free article area of the Happy Life website: www.happylife.net.au
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Do you know what you want in life?
As human beings we spend a lot of time in social comparison. It's very common to find ourselves wondering why life seems so easy for some & yet so hard for others. It can sometimes feel unfair.
One of the problems with modern life is that we are 'fed' information regarding what should make us happy. This happens over and over again through advertising. As a result, there is always a carrot at the end of the stick pushing you harder and harder to obtain the next goal or desire.
Think about the last new car you purchased. Initially, you were probably very excited about the car. You may have driven it around to your friends and family and relished in the validation and praise for your new 'shiny' purchase. However, before too long, the is likely to have become simply a means to an end (driving you from A to B), so the validation you felt from this purchase soon wears off. Why... Because around the corner is an advertisement for an even better/bigger/more technologically advanced car, making your car look less impressive. So, you may start to feel down about your car and start longing for the better one.
This cycle is a by product of our society. We have to accept this. However, we are much more likely to enjoy life (including our purchases) if we take time to think about what is important to us and what would truly make us happy. For instance, with regard to the new car, it's important to regularly remind yourself about what you love about it. If it's simply a great vehicle to take you places, tell yourself how grateful you are to own a reliable car. If you were looking for comfort and style, remind yourself how great your car is and remember to stop yourself when you compare it to newer vehicles.
When it comes to your life overall, it's really important to think about what makes you happy. A first clue is to look at the areas you tend to feel depressed about. Lack of money and relationship problems are common areas that often lead to depressed thinking. If you are lacking in finances, is there a chance that you are self sabotaging yourself as a result of comparing yourself to others who have much more money than you? Rather than engaging in social comparison, try thinking about your lifestyle overall when you think about money.
When you know how many hours you want to work, the industry in which you would like to work in and the hours you would like to invest in making money, you can make an informed decision about how much money you would like to have and whether or not this is reasonable. For instance, if you're feeling depressed about not being a millionaire, but you would rather spend time with your family and friends - instead of working all hours of the night - accept this and be grateful for your lifestyle. Then, start to think 'outside the box'. Ask yourself "Where could i invest some extra time and money to increase my passive income, so it does not impinge on my personal life?".
In my business I speak to many mums - Working full-time, part-time, or in the home. Many of these mums feel inadequate from time to time. The full time mums often feel guilty for having to work, the part-time mums often feel exhausted trying to lead two very separate lives, the stay at home mums often feel they could be contributing more and are worried they have lost touch of their previous professional lives. However, those that are happy are those that are clear about what they are doing - AND WHY! The stay at home mums are grateful for the opportunity to be actively involved in their child's upbringing, the part-time mums are grateful for time with the kids, keeping a foot in the professional door and contributing to the household finances, & the full-time working mums are grateful for their career, the money coming in to provide for their families and the quality time they have with their children. In each case, the mum is happy with her choice and knows clearly why she chose it. She also has realistic expectations of what she can abs can't achieve in her chosen role.
Therefore, a strong key for happiness is having clarity over how you want to live your life, being committed to this goal and having manageable and reasonable expectations of how you can achieve your goal also.
One of the problems with modern life is that we are 'fed' information regarding what should make us happy. This happens over and over again through advertising. As a result, there is always a carrot at the end of the stick pushing you harder and harder to obtain the next goal or desire.
Think about the last new car you purchased. Initially, you were probably very excited about the car. You may have driven it around to your friends and family and relished in the validation and praise for your new 'shiny' purchase. However, before too long, the is likely to have become simply a means to an end (driving you from A to B), so the validation you felt from this purchase soon wears off. Why... Because around the corner is an advertisement for an even better/bigger/more technologically advanced car, making your car look less impressive. So, you may start to feel down about your car and start longing for the better one.
This cycle is a by product of our society. We have to accept this. However, we are much more likely to enjoy life (including our purchases) if we take time to think about what is important to us and what would truly make us happy. For instance, with regard to the new car, it's important to regularly remind yourself about what you love about it. If it's simply a great vehicle to take you places, tell yourself how grateful you are to own a reliable car. If you were looking for comfort and style, remind yourself how great your car is and remember to stop yourself when you compare it to newer vehicles.
When it comes to your life overall, it's really important to think about what makes you happy. A first clue is to look at the areas you tend to feel depressed about. Lack of money and relationship problems are common areas that often lead to depressed thinking. If you are lacking in finances, is there a chance that you are self sabotaging yourself as a result of comparing yourself to others who have much more money than you? Rather than engaging in social comparison, try thinking about your lifestyle overall when you think about money.
When you know how many hours you want to work, the industry in which you would like to work in and the hours you would like to invest in making money, you can make an informed decision about how much money you would like to have and whether or not this is reasonable. For instance, if you're feeling depressed about not being a millionaire, but you would rather spend time with your family and friends - instead of working all hours of the night - accept this and be grateful for your lifestyle. Then, start to think 'outside the box'. Ask yourself "Where could i invest some extra time and money to increase my passive income, so it does not impinge on my personal life?".
In my business I speak to many mums - Working full-time, part-time, or in the home. Many of these mums feel inadequate from time to time. The full time mums often feel guilty for having to work, the part-time mums often feel exhausted trying to lead two very separate lives, the stay at home mums often feel they could be contributing more and are worried they have lost touch of their previous professional lives. However, those that are happy are those that are clear about what they are doing - AND WHY! The stay at home mums are grateful for the opportunity to be actively involved in their child's upbringing, the part-time mums are grateful for time with the kids, keeping a foot in the professional door and contributing to the household finances, & the full-time working mums are grateful for their career, the money coming in to provide for their families and the quality time they have with their children. In each case, the mum is happy with her choice and knows clearly why she chose it. She also has realistic expectations of what she can abs can't achieve in her chosen role.
Therefore, a strong key for happiness is having clarity over how you want to live your life, being committed to this goal and having manageable and reasonable expectations of how you can achieve your goal also.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Stop worrying about what other people think
As an energy sensitive person, I find it very hard not to get drawn in to other people's emotions. My energy sensitivity is very useful in my professional career as a therapist, however, in my personal life it can get me into trouble. What tends to happen is that I become preoccupied with how others are feeling and then without realising it, begin to respond to their emotions. An example of this is when I am around acquaintances that are anxious. I pick up on anxious energy very quickly. I am aware of this at the time, however, I it has taken me a while to understand why I felt so drained after associating with these people.
The law of attraction suggests we pick up on others energies and if we are not mindful, we will internalise these outward feelings as our own. Delving into this further, I realised that I become so preoccupied with making others feel happy, that I forget to be myself. As a result, other people most likely pick up on the change in my behaviour, become more anxious - and the cycle continues. So what is the answer to this issue? The answer lies in being yourself. Whilst this sounds like a simple thing to do, it's incredible how many of us lose ourselves in the process of trying to please others. This does not mean that we should not try to make others happy. It is a very nice part of humanity to gain joy from giving joy to others. However, when you start to second guess how others are feeling, or take their feelings on as though they are your own, it becomes a problem.
A large part of this also comes from fear of getting into trouble - or upsetting others. Unfortunately a by-product of being a nice person, can result in becoming a people-pleaser. This sounds nice on one level, but it can cause a great deal of stress when it comes at the sacrifice of your needs and desires. Further, when you continuously put your needs last - in order to people others - resentment and guilt are often not far behind.
In order to change automatic reactions and habits it's important to consciously recognise the relationships that tend to bring on this behaviour and then to approach every new interaction with the resolve to be true to yourself and not simply agree with others, so as not to offend them. For instance, if you are a parent and you have a belief about how children should be put to sleep, which is in complete opposition to a friend's, it would be much more healthy for you to acknowledge your friend's belief and still raise your personal views. What most people do is say nothing (or agree) with oposing beliefs and then end up feeling angry and offended, rather than addressing the issue first hand. In doing so, the peace may have been kept - but at what cost to your soul?
Most of us have an innate desire to be liked, so we often go out of our way to make others happy and to keep the peace. However, this does not have to come at the cost of yourself - in other words - you don't have to lose yourself in relationships in order to be happy. By relaxing with who you are and accepting that your true friends will like you for who you really are - not the mirror image on themselves - you will feel much more comfortable and less exhausted as a result of being the real you, rather than the people-pleasing you.
Make an effort to get to know who you are - your values, beliefs and desires and invest time in feeling confident being yourself in all interactions. Yes, there is a time for decorum, however, you can still maintain your core self and in the process increase your self-esteem, regardless of the people, places or circumstances you find yourself in.
The law of attraction suggests we pick up on others energies and if we are not mindful, we will internalise these outward feelings as our own. Delving into this further, I realised that I become so preoccupied with making others feel happy, that I forget to be myself. As a result, other people most likely pick up on the change in my behaviour, become more anxious - and the cycle continues. So what is the answer to this issue? The answer lies in being yourself. Whilst this sounds like a simple thing to do, it's incredible how many of us lose ourselves in the process of trying to please others. This does not mean that we should not try to make others happy. It is a very nice part of humanity to gain joy from giving joy to others. However, when you start to second guess how others are feeling, or take their feelings on as though they are your own, it becomes a problem.
A large part of this also comes from fear of getting into trouble - or upsetting others. Unfortunately a by-product of being a nice person, can result in becoming a people-pleaser. This sounds nice on one level, but it can cause a great deal of stress when it comes at the sacrifice of your needs and desires. Further, when you continuously put your needs last - in order to people others - resentment and guilt are often not far behind.
In order to change automatic reactions and habits it's important to consciously recognise the relationships that tend to bring on this behaviour and then to approach every new interaction with the resolve to be true to yourself and not simply agree with others, so as not to offend them. For instance, if you are a parent and you have a belief about how children should be put to sleep, which is in complete opposition to a friend's, it would be much more healthy for you to acknowledge your friend's belief and still raise your personal views. What most people do is say nothing (or agree) with oposing beliefs and then end up feeling angry and offended, rather than addressing the issue first hand. In doing so, the peace may have been kept - but at what cost to your soul?
Most of us have an innate desire to be liked, so we often go out of our way to make others happy and to keep the peace. However, this does not have to come at the cost of yourself - in other words - you don't have to lose yourself in relationships in order to be happy. By relaxing with who you are and accepting that your true friends will like you for who you really are - not the mirror image on themselves - you will feel much more comfortable and less exhausted as a result of being the real you, rather than the people-pleasing you.
Make an effort to get to know who you are - your values, beliefs and desires and invest time in feeling confident being yourself in all interactions. Yes, there is a time for decorum, however, you can still maintain your core self and in the process increase your self-esteem, regardless of the people, places or circumstances you find yourself in.
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Thursday, November 15, 2012
Curbing self doubt
When you're not confident, you can find yourself agreeing to things you never dreamt you would, or to avoid and pass up opportunities that you previously believed would be a dream come true.
Self doubt reflects an inner belief that we are not worthy or good enough at something. For instance, due to social comparison many mothers doubt their skills as a mother whenever they (or their children) are not acting as perfectly as they believe they should be. As a parent, you do your best to provide love, support, understanding, security and fun. However, the stressors of life often get in the way of making this possible. As a result, every time you have to do something that takes you away from your picture of how the perfect mother Should behave, you are likely to beat yourself up over it and further feed the self doubt.
In order to reduce self doubt we need to change our internal beliefs. This means engraining in our minds that we are good enough, we are trying our best and we deserve good things in our lives. These beliefs need some effort to engrain because you are often fighting against years of self doubt and strongly held negative self beliefs. Thus, a life coach who uses techniques such as NLP or hypnotherapy can really help to clear out these old beliefs and instill more positive - useful beliefs in their place.
Almost everyone experiences self doubt in one area of their life from time to time. It's the product of upbringing and ongoing reinforcement. Therefore, it's a learned behavioral response, which can be re-trained. Having a high self belief is the cornerstone of life success, so reducing self doubt is critical to overall happiness in life.
Self doubt reflects an inner belief that we are not worthy or good enough at something. For instance, due to social comparison many mothers doubt their skills as a mother whenever they (or their children) are not acting as perfectly as they believe they should be. As a parent, you do your best to provide love, support, understanding, security and fun. However, the stressors of life often get in the way of making this possible. As a result, every time you have to do something that takes you away from your picture of how the perfect mother Should behave, you are likely to beat yourself up over it and further feed the self doubt.
In order to reduce self doubt we need to change our internal beliefs. This means engraining in our minds that we are good enough, we are trying our best and we deserve good things in our lives. These beliefs need some effort to engrain because you are often fighting against years of self doubt and strongly held negative self beliefs. Thus, a life coach who uses techniques such as NLP or hypnotherapy can really help to clear out these old beliefs and instill more positive - useful beliefs in their place.
Almost everyone experiences self doubt in one area of their life from time to time. It's the product of upbringing and ongoing reinforcement. Therefore, it's a learned behavioral response, which can be re-trained. Having a high self belief is the cornerstone of life success, so reducing self doubt is critical to overall happiness in life.
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