Change your focus this christmas

At Christmas is easy to focus on what's missing in your life - people that are no longer with you, opportunities that you've missed, or dreams that you haven't yet achieved. However, there is another story which is just as valid. The story of all the things you have achieved over the past year and all the people who have come into your life and have remained in your life as well - particularly those that love and support you unconditionally. It's easy to think... "that's not enough", because your focus is often future or past orientated. But don't discount these great things in your life.

How many people are you buying gifts for this holiday season? Why are you buying them gifts? What do they mean to you and how have they shown you how much you mean to them over the years?

They say that those who are given a disability in this life are the fortunate ones because they have the gift of love of life. They appreciate a lot more than others and are even said to be more enlightened spiritually as a result of this gift.

Take the opportunity this Christmas to put your desires in perspective. YES .... they may enhance parts of your life, but if you look closely you will see you have many wonderful things in your life RIGHT NOW that you might just be neglecting.

How do you achieve something you've never experienced

This is the biggest challenge for everyone? It's easy to say you want something really badly, but much easier to self sabotage when you can't see it coming quick enough. Self sabotage also happens when you start making progress towards a goal and see small results. The main reason for self sabotage is that the goal is often something that is unknown and therefore has the potential to let you down. Weight loss is a perfect example of this. Let's say you decide to go on a diet to lose 10 kilos. You feel really motivated. You start exercising and eating really healthy foods. Then you look in the mirror and see you're starting to look good. The subconscious mind then sets into protection mode questioning what this means. What if you lose the weight but can't keep it off? How hard is it going to be to lose the weight - how much more exercise do you have to do to get there? Why should you have to go through so much pain to achieve this - is it really worth it?

Normally, people give in to this line of questioning and end up going back to bad habits. The way to avoid this is to be very clear about your goals and then focus on your plan. Then tell yourself that you're enjoying your plan and FORGET the outcome. Let's go with the weight loss analogy again. So you decide to lose 10 kilos by sticking to a balanced diet and starting to walk 10 minutes a day and build it up (as noted in the Refresh Your Life program). You get up one day and people at work start commenting on how great you look. You start to think "hey I can relax a little now". So you go to morning tea and look at all the chocolate cake. Normally you'd think, "I look good, I can afford to eat the cake". But this time say to yourself "I've got a great plan which I'm enjoying. It's not about weight loss, it's about sticking to my plan". Then you'll stop thinking about the DIET and start thinking about living a new healthy life - sticking to your new plan

What makes a worthy person?

Positive energy!

We assume that if we have better material possessions (house, car, jewellery, boat) that we will have better friends.

We assume if we are really attractive we will have better relationships.

We assume if we send our kids to better schools we will have better contacts.

However, all these things are very short lived when you use them as a means to gain happiness. By being your positive, happy, relaxed and healthy self, people will want to be your friend - regardless. You will attract and sustain long lasting – positive/healthy relationships and your contacts will want to help you when you need it most.

Feeling insecure?

Insecurity is often associated with low self esteem. When you feel unsure about yourself you can spend a lot of time double guessing whether you said the right thing to someone, whether you indirectly upset someone, or whether or not somelike likes/diskiles you.

Many of your self doubts can be based on interpretations of behaviour, rather than on actual facts. For instance, many women spend a long time asking their partners "are you OK?" simply because the partner doesn't feel like talking, isn't smiling at that moment in time, or is just too tired to pay as much attention as usual.

It's really easy to assume someone is upset with you when you read into facial and body expressions - particularly when you're feeling insecure about yourself. The easiest way to get around this is to ASK questions. Seek reassurance in a kind tone - without it seeming like an interrogation. For example, there is a difference between saying "You seem a bit quiet tonight, are you tired" and "what's wrong with you, am I boring you".

Ask questions to open communication and keep those insecure emotions in check. 

Self esteem and past pain

It can be very difficult to let go of past pain when you’ve suffered rejection. This is a big one for many people, particularly when it is associated with a bad break up or rejection from within ones own family. 

For instance, many adults find that once they’re parents remarry they no longer want to be a part of their children’s lives. This rejection is no easier simply because it comes in adulthood. In one episode of the show Frasier the character of Roz becomes very distraught as a result of her father remarrying and cutting her off.

It’s never easy to deal with this rejection. Sometime we just have to learn to accept that everyone lives in their own world of experience and being the rejected person does NOT mean there is something wrong with you – or that you’re not worthy of that person’s love. It simply means that the person does not have the capacity to be strong enough to maintain the close relationship or at least verbally explain why he/she is no longer able to be close to you. Visit www.happylife.net.au for more insights into happiness.

Self esteem and exercise

There is a strong connection between being active and feeling good. Just try to go to the gym and do a workout and NOT feel good afterwards. Unless you overtrain or give yourself an injury it’s pretty hard not to feel great from exercise. One of the reasons you may not exercising is that you don’t remember that good feeling, or you feel too tired now to get up and take part in the exercise.

However, how would you feel if you knew that being physically fit and healthy actually leads to improvements in all areas of your life? Think about how much more confident you feel when you’re healthy.

What about the fact that you are less snappy at other people because you’re in a better mood?

What about the fact that you have a lot more tolerance, can think clearer and have more energy to do all the things you’ve been putting off?

Being healthy is the single best thing you can do to improve your overall lifestyle – next best thing is looking after your mental health.

Visit www.happylife.net.au for more insights into happiness.

Self esteem and relationships

We often measure ourselves by how people are treating us. We often feel happy when our family, work colleagues partner or friends are nice to us and can feel devastated when we are treated poorly. To have a healthy and strong self esteem it’s necessary to have strong resilience. This means that when things happen you are entitled to have a reaction to them (e.g. to feel upset) but it’s important to deal with the issue at hard and not take the next step and assume you are a bad person as a result of someone else’s behaviour.

The next time someone upsets you, put it in perspective. Separate yourself from the other person and deal with what just happened – as soon as possible – so you don’t internailise it and assume you must have done something to create their behaviour. Visit www.happylife.net.au for more insights into happiness.

Eat chocolate to beat depression

When you start to notice that you're getting that depressed feeling again, it's important to try to shake it as soon as possible so that it doesn't take hold of you. Depression is often the result of negative thoughts, however many times it is the result of a physiological imbalance. This imbalance occurrs as a result of low levels of the brain chemical serotonin.

Chocolate can have an empowering effect on brain chemicals when used effectively and in moderation. Chocolate has been found to have a calming effect on the brain. Thus, the next time you're feeling 'the blues' coming on, reach for a small block of chocolate and see how it instantly improves your mood.

It is important to use it in moderation, otherwise the sugar and fat will negate the positive effects on mood. However, it certainly is a great way to snap you out of a negative spell when you need an instant pick me up.