How often do you learn your life lessons from positive or negative life events?

We are often thinking about what we are missing in life and about all the tragic experiences we hear in the news and from people all around us. As a result we end up learning most of our life lessons from painful life experiences and often neglect to learn from our positive life experiences. In fact, we tend to disqualify and ignore most of them. Our focus is often in the wrong places as we absorb all the pain of life's hurtful events and forget to truly and regularly absorb the pleasure of our successes, our relationships and our daily achievements.

BUT WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF YOU CHOSE TO LEARN PRIMARILY FROM ALL THOSE POSITIVE LIFE EVENTS?

For example, what if you absorbed how kind, respectful, thoughtful and considerate all those people you encountered today were, rather than absorbing how rude one person was to you today? What if you focussed on that one person who smiled at you today, opened the door for you, gave way to you at a busy intersection, allowed you to order your coffee first, supported you when you were feeling nervous, gave you directions, or pressed the light for you at a pedestrian crossing? What if you focussed on how nice your close friend was for listening to you talk about your most recent problem, rather than leaving this experience still focussed on how tough your life is as a result of this problem?

All these little life events often go unoticed and unaknowledged, yet they have the power to teach you (in abundance) what a valuable person you are on this earth.Your value in life and your successes needn't be measured by the small number of negative events you encounter in life.

Yes, there are negative things happening all around us. However, we often assume life is terrible because we completely ignore, or do not trully take in how many multitudes of great (positive) things are happening all around us on a minute-by-minute basis. You just have to start paying attention and taking it in - REGULARLY....

Of course we are all human and when we hear about tragic events, we feel pain. However, we have a choice in how we interpret these events. Often the interpretation is that the world is a horrible and negative place. BUT.... this is categorically not true. For every negative events there are countless positive events. We have just been trained to primarily absorb and learn from these negative expereinces. However, we must learn to pay attention to all the positive life lessons we have surrounding us.

Instead of getting upset about being kept waiting for an appointment, focus on how nice the person who served you was once you were attended to. Instead of focussing on the one rude person who cut you off in traffic, focus on the 15 kind people who either smiled at you, gave way to you, or didn't cut your off. Instead of focussing on your one friend who is neglecting you, focus on the other friends who are being kind to you and supporting you. Instead of focussing on your family member who is being disrespectful to you, focus on the 10 other family memebers who are being kind to you. Instead of focussing on your lack of intimacy, focus on all the affection you do receive (e.g. from your children, parents, friends).

I am not suggesting you live in denial and ignore your painful life experiences. The main message here is to not become obsessed by them and learn (incorrectly) that they are a reflection of you or society at large. When negative things occur to you personally, or you are affected by the pain and suffering of others, you have to allow yourself time to grieve and reach a level of acceptance. When these events occur though, you have the option of either allowing them to convince you that they are a reflection of how negative society and people in general are on this earth. OR... you can choose to understand that these events are a part of life and do not reflect the nature of most people living on this earth. In fact, most people are kind and loving. Most people care about the wellbeing of others. However, at times, negative experiences occur and we must cope accordingly.

The mistake human beings often make is learning negatively from negative life events and failing to learn positively (to balance out the negatives) from positive life events. If you spent most of your time focussing on the positive things around you, you would be able to assess more clearly negative life events for what they are and not draw negative conclusions about yourself and the world around you as a result of these events.

Take time to pay attention to the world around you. Don't miss out of the many opportunities you have to observe happiness, kindness and generosity all around you. Give yourself the chance to have a more balanced and accurate picture of the world around you. It might take concentration, but it is so worth it!

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

If you find yourself going down the wrong path. Stop and do a u-turn

Watching a Suze Orman (finance guru) video today, I was struck by a very pertinent comment she made regarding 'if you find yourself going down the wrong path, God permits u-turns'. In other words, it's never too late to change the course of your life and set sail in the right direction - FOR YOU.

I often tell my clients that age is not a barrier to success. Often clients believe they are too old to change their life directions and to start living out their dreams. However, there are countless stories of very successful individuals who embarked on their true calling later in life.

• Suze Orman is a great example of this, deciding to change her life's course whilst working as a waitress at age 30. 
• Colonel Sanders - the creator of the KFC franchise - changed the course of his life even later in life. After years of perfecting his secret chicken recipe, it wasn't until he was 65 years of age that he began approaching potential franchisees - a move that finally led him to the successful KFC business that remains extremely popular around the world today.   
• Jack Canfield (the successful motivational speaker) was a teacher earning a very modest wage when he later decided to write the now famous Chicken Soup for the Soul series with a friend. It took them 3 years to write and almost 2 years to promote, but now Jack's books are sold in the millions all over the world.

In each of these three cases above, there was a time when the individuals decided they HAD to make a change in order to live their life's dream. They believed it was possible, they were dedicated to their cause and they persevered in the face of every adversity that came their way.With their desires firmly in mind, they pursued their goals.

In each one of these cases there was also a deep underlying passion and desire to bring happiness to others. The Colonel dreamt of people enjoying his delicious chicken recipe, Suze dreamt of helping empower people to take back control of their financial future and Jack dreamt of helping his readers find inspiration, hope and joy through his stories. These core internal drives helped to push them through adversity to finally achieve and sustain their dreams.

We are all on a life's journey. My person journey began when I was 12 years old. I can still see myself in our loungeroom thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up and deciding instinctively that I wanted to help others to feel happy. I didn't know how I was going to achieve this, but I was convinced that I was here on this earth to support and assist others. This desire has continued to motivate and inspire me every single day. It is why I love coaching, counselling and mentoring individuals and why I feel so happy and inspired after every session. I wasn't blessed with rich parents, an easy childhood, or a stable upbringing, but I was blessed with determination and drive. I observed these in my parents (particularly my mother) and I have the will to never give up. This determination and the desire to help others keeps me firmly focussed on how much I have achieved already, how much I still want to achieve and how much is still possible.

When you take time to reflect on your life, you will find (if you haven't already) your life's desire. This desire is in your grasp. Regardless of your life's circumstance, with belief, determination and perseverance, you can have, do or be anything you desire.

What's that little voice inside telling you?

It can be quite shocking to take note of your internal language from time to time. We often hear experts talking about how important it is to think positively, however, we rarely stop to evaluate what is going on in our mind from day to day (minute to minute).

Little experiences, such as running late , having too much on your plate, working with an unsupportive boss and dealing with negative people in your life, can lead to negative internal thinking - and in particular self criticism. These negative thoughts can then result in feelings of agitation - which over time - can cause you to lash out (respond in a snappy way) towards those you really care about.

At work you may be dealing with a boss who is very consumed in his own stress and doesn't have the time or energy to consider your feelings. At home you may be feeling overwhelmed about all the chores to be done when you're feeling tired and overworked already. In friendships you may be feeling rejected because your friends seem to only call you when they have a problem and need support. Day to day you may be feeling like a failure because the debts keep piling up and you can't seem to get on top of them. And so on...

These are all natural responses to situations many people experience day in and day out. The major issue with them, however, is their impact on your self worth as you berate yourself for not having the perfect life you may assume others in your life have achieved effortlessly. Further, whilst you may be aware of larger negative thoughts, such as "i hate my job", a range of negative thoughts lead up to the creation of that final one (such as "he hates me, he doesn't respect me, I'm not competent enough, I shouldn't be here, I'm not doing a good job etc...". Most of these negative self criticisms are not true, yet the more you hear your internal voice being negative, the more you believe it.

It's all well and good to say "Just stop thinking negatively"... If only it was that easy!!! Negative thinking is fast, very sneaky & can often catch you off guard. So the key is to open your awareness & try not to let your guard down. This means regularly stopping to evaluate your thoughts and in particular being mindful of what is going on in your mind when you have nothing to distract it (eg when you're cleaning, opening junk emails, traveling on public transport, exercising and meditating). These are the perfect moments for your mind to wander and remind you of everything you're worried about.

The more you catch yourself in the moment of negativity - especially mindless negativity - the more you can stop it in its track, refocus & reduce its reappearance. So, you can take another step closer towards positive energy and creating your ideal life.

To find more support and inspiration visit:

www.happylife.net.au

www.lifesuccesscoachs.com