How often do you learn your life lessons from positive or negative life events?

We are often thinking about what we are missing in life and about all the tragic experiences we hear in the news and from people all around us. As a result we end up learning most of our life lessons from painful life experiences and often neglect to learn from our positive life experiences. In fact, we tend to disqualify and ignore most of them. Our focus is often in the wrong places as we absorb all the pain of life's hurtful events and forget to truly and regularly absorb the pleasure of our successes, our relationships and our daily achievements.

BUT WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF YOU CHOSE TO LEARN PRIMARILY FROM ALL THOSE POSITIVE LIFE EVENTS?

For example, what if you absorbed how kind, respectful, thoughtful and considerate all those people you encountered today were, rather than absorbing how rude one person was to you today? What if you focussed on that one person who smiled at you today, opened the door for you, gave way to you at a busy intersection, allowed you to order your coffee first, supported you when you were feeling nervous, gave you directions, or pressed the light for you at a pedestrian crossing? What if you focussed on how nice your close friend was for listening to you talk about your most recent problem, rather than leaving this experience still focussed on how tough your life is as a result of this problem?

All these little life events often go unoticed and unaknowledged, yet they have the power to teach you (in abundance) what a valuable person you are on this earth.Your value in life and your successes needn't be measured by the small number of negative events you encounter in life.

Yes, there are negative things happening all around us. However, we often assume life is terrible because we completely ignore, or do not trully take in how many multitudes of great (positive) things are happening all around us on a minute-by-minute basis. You just have to start paying attention and taking it in - REGULARLY....

Of course we are all human and when we hear about tragic events, we feel pain. However, we have a choice in how we interpret these events. Often the interpretation is that the world is a horrible and negative place. BUT.... this is categorically not true. For every negative events there are countless positive events. We have just been trained to primarily absorb and learn from these negative expereinces. However, we must learn to pay attention to all the positive life lessons we have surrounding us.

Instead of getting upset about being kept waiting for an appointment, focus on how nice the person who served you was once you were attended to. Instead of focussing on the one rude person who cut you off in traffic, focus on the 15 kind people who either smiled at you, gave way to you, or didn't cut your off. Instead of focussing on your one friend who is neglecting you, focus on the other friends who are being kind to you and supporting you. Instead of focussing on your family member who is being disrespectful to you, focus on the 10 other family memebers who are being kind to you. Instead of focussing on your lack of intimacy, focus on all the affection you do receive (e.g. from your children, parents, friends).

I am not suggesting you live in denial and ignore your painful life experiences. The main message here is to not become obsessed by them and learn (incorrectly) that they are a reflection of you or society at large. When negative things occur to you personally, or you are affected by the pain and suffering of others, you have to allow yourself time to grieve and reach a level of acceptance. When these events occur though, you have the option of either allowing them to convince you that they are a reflection of how negative society and people in general are on this earth. OR... you can choose to understand that these events are a part of life and do not reflect the nature of most people living on this earth. In fact, most people are kind and loving. Most people care about the wellbeing of others. However, at times, negative experiences occur and we must cope accordingly.

The mistake human beings often make is learning negatively from negative life events and failing to learn positively (to balance out the negatives) from positive life events. If you spent most of your time focussing on the positive things around you, you would be able to assess more clearly negative life events for what they are and not draw negative conclusions about yourself and the world around you as a result of these events.

Take time to pay attention to the world around you. Don't miss out of the many opportunities you have to observe happiness, kindness and generosity all around you. Give yourself the chance to have a more balanced and accurate picture of the world around you. It might take concentration, but it is so worth it!

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

When is it your time to shine?

We often think we have all the time in the world to be who we want to be, live how we want to live and love who we want to love. However, days turn into months and months quickly turn into years and before you know it, it's never the right time to really start living.

Fear, stress, worry and self sabotage often stand in the way of you living the life you've always dreamed of. However, when you think about the fact that life has an ending - what are you really afraid of? The problem is, of course we don't want to think about our lives ending - nor should we dwell on it. However, using it as a little reminder that NOW is actually the best time to start living according to your true self, can be a powerful way of motivating yourself to change and improve.

What are you afraid of?

What holds you back from living your dreams?

Do you really know what your heart desires, or are you living a life in accordance with other people's values?

The answer to these questions are vital.

The first place to start on this journey is with your inner self. Shifting from negative thinking to positive thinking gives you the power and self belief that you can actually achieve your hearts desire.

With a clear vision of what you want in life and a more positive mindset, you can start to devise a plan for moving forward. Part of this plan involves evaluating what you are currently doing and checking that your current behaviors are in line with your desires. For instance, if you desire to have a close and loving family, but spend a lot of time at work rather than at home, you are not living in line with your true desire. Similarly, if you desire to attract and maintain the best partner for you, but you spend a lot if time self criticizing and avoiding social events, you are also living in contrast with your desires.

Now that you know which areas of your life need to be tweaked, you can work on developing a plan to match your desires and then commit to following through with this plan. So, if your desire is to have a close family, make sure you dedicate time every day to having fun, listening and laughing with your parents, siblings, children and/or partner. Similarly, if your desire is to attract and maintain the perfect partner for you, become conscious of your inner thoughts and challenge and reframe your negative thinking so that you always present your BEST you in social situations. Also, join a social of sporting club where you are likely to regularly meet potential partners that are right for you.

Take action every day to ensure you stay on the right path. Live for now - don't wait for the perfect time to start truly living.

Don't let life pass you by and particularly, don't waste your life feeling down because you haven't yet achieved your dreams. When you're following your plan, you are taking steps towards your ultimate desires - and that in itself is committing to living your dreams.

It's never too late to be true to yourself.

You can do it!

How to find the career that will make you happy

How do you find out what you really want to be in life and what will truly make you happy?

It's an interesting question when you think that we expect 17 year old youths to have a very concrete view of thier future life and career path. At this age, they are asked to make study, or work choices that will potentially shape the course of the rest of their lives, yet they really have such limited life experience to genuinely know if thier chosen career path will bring them life fulfilment and happiness. This is why so many adults find themselves in unfulfilling careers, feeling lost and 'stuck' in jobs that only fulfill the need to sustain a certain level of living.

There is not much we can do about the academic system, however, we can certainly try to have an influence on our children's futures by guiding them towards career paths that at least appear to be in line with their passions and interests. It is also important to advise children that often it takes time to work out what we really want to do and that we often have to take wrong turns to gain insights into careers that will not bring us the joy we perhaps envisioned at one time or another. The key message here is that it is NEVER too late to change your career path.

When I was studying psychology at LaTrobe University, one of my friends in class was a well known radio announcer who later in life decided to pursue a career in psychology which had always been a passion of hers. If you were to look at her life from outside, you would question why she would want to move out of a career which resulted in her being in the public eye, gave her a lot of validation and enough money to retire on. However, money and fame did not bring her everything she desired in a job. Whilst she enjoyed the fruits of her labour, she felt something was missing and made a decision to finally bridge this gap.

This life change is often a fantasy for most people because they pigeon hole themselves in careers that bring a certain amount of financial independence. Thus, the difficulty in changing careers later inlife is committing to doing something that will make you happy, at the expense of the lifestyle you have created for you and your partner/ family.

Whilst this is a difficult decision, it does not have to be an 'all or nothing' choice. Many clients come to see me because they are tired of working in a job that's not in line with their passions, however they do not know how to break out of their current situation. Of course the first step in the process is spending time in self discovery to truly understand what brings you joy. For instance, do you have a passion for the artistic, political, legal, or social? Which areas of these spheres do you feel you could happily talk about and engage in all day? These questions will lead you to discover your true passions.

Then, you need to decide if you require further study, coaching or experience in this field. In order to minimize the impact on your current lifestyle, it's best to try to arrange your current work around the study, experience, or coaching. The only down side to this step is feeling overwhelmed and tired. Therefore, in order to minimize this side effect, a great deal or organization, determination and commitment is required. These skills are always valuable in life, so they are an added bonus to your professional development skills.

If you are organized, committed and determined, it doesn't matter at which age you finally decide to live your professional dreams. Whilst we need to work to live, we also need to feel that we are contributing the best of ourselves to the world. There is a reason why you are talented in specific areas. Allow others to benefit from your talents. Your life is worth living the way that makes you happy, satisfied & fulfilled.