Why it's so important to increase self-esteem

The underlying cause of a lot of unhappiness is low self-esteem (a lack of confidence in your own worth or abilities). Self-esteem is the product of your life history, genes and circumstance. Low self-esteem is usually coupled with insecurity and self-doubt. These negative aspects of the 'self' have a nasty habit of causing self sabotage and reducing confidence. 

It's heartbreaking to witness how low self-esteem debilitates ones life through fear and doubt. The cruelest part of low self-esteem is that no matter how strong your belief is about how much you believe you deserve something, low self-esteem will find a way to ruin any chances of success unless you manage or heal it.

Let's look at the example in relationships. It's a strong desire for most people to attract and maintain a loving, supportive and fun intimate partner. When the relationship is yet to manifest, the desire intensifies until the universe nicely conspires to place you at the right place at the right time to form this potential partnership. If your self-esteem is moderate to high you will be yourself, show your best qualities and allow the relationship to grow organically. However, if your self-esteem is low you will panic at the slightest perception your potential partner has lost interest, behave in ways inconsistent with your true values and sacrifice much more of yourself than is appropriate in order to sustain a relationship that deep down you don't believe you truly deserve.

Similarly, when it comes to changing your career path, if you do not have a high self-esteem you will procrastinate, make poor decisions and avoid taking potential risks due to a very high fear of failure. 

How you feel about yourself directly impacts on your life success and overall happiness.

Thus, before you embark on any life change, it's imperative that you first work on increasing your self-esteem.

Whilst there are short-term quick- fix solutions to increasing your self-esteem, it usually takes a bit of time to firstly find the underlying causes of low self-esteem and then to begin to increase your self worth and self confidence using a variety of techniques. 

Whilst it can take time to fully increase self-esteem, a great way to begin boosting self-esteem is through validation (internal and external). This means acknowledging and welcoming the praise you receive by others and taking the time to regularly give yourself praise for every little job well done - instead of just disqualifying it as another job to tick off your to-do list. These could be as simple as prising yourself for:

- posting a profile on a dating site

- contacting someone you have a crush on

- attending an event that made you feel nervous

- completing a daunting presentation

- applying for that great job

- speaking up about something you feel strongly about

- paying your bills on time

- investing your money

- cleaning your home

- making time to care for a loved one

- spending time with a friend from overseas or interstate

On a daily basis you do a myriad of fantastic things that you either ignore or downplay simply because they are not as important as the tasks you have decided are most important to lead you towards achieving your long term goals. Whilst these tasks are great measures of success, taking time to acknowledge all the other great things you're doing daily will increase your self-esteem. In turn it will increase your confidence in your abilitiy to make your larger desires a reality. 

So praise yourself and others regularly and be proud of all the wonderful things you do for yourself and others on a daily basis.

Be mindful of your self-esteem and seek help if you need assistance to boost your self worth.

For more information or support for low self-esteem visit: http://www.happylife.net.au/self-esteem_online.html

The power of motherhood

Regardless of whether or not you are a mum, it's important to recognize the powerful impact mothers have (& potentially CAN have) on their children - including the role your own mother has played in the development of your self worth & happiness.

As a mother, you know you are bringing a new child into this world who you want to love and protect with all your heart. Pregnancy brings with it many hopes, dreams and fears but no-one can prepare you for the amount of pressure you place on yourself to be perfect. This pressure often leads to self doubt & self criticism because the expectations mothers place on themselves are often unrealistic. and idealistic of a perfect mum that in reality doesn't exist.

Despite these internal worries, the best part about being a mum is having an opportunity to know in your heart that you are adding value to your child/ren's lives.

Being a parent comes part and parcel with responsibility, worry, fun, happiness, exhaustion, exhilaration & much more... It's arguably the toughest job in the world, despite its lack of recognition. As a mum, you often feel responsible for the happiness of your children (& often of your partner as well). You can feel so much pressure to have to be perfect because there has never been more information available on the impact of parenting on child development.

However, there are always two ways of looking at this relationship. On the one hand you can focus on all the worries before you & the magnitude of your responsibility to assist your child/ren to grow & develop into strong, healthy & successful adults. Yet another take on this role is focussing on what a great opportunity you have to empower your child with the wealth of knowledge and experience you have learnt throughout your life. Whilst not always perfectly achieved, your own mother would have done her best - from her own world of experience - to impart her 'life lessons' on to you.

Whilst all mums are bound to get things wrong from time to time, each generation has the fortune of learning lessons from the previous generation, so as a mum you have the power to instill all the positive values you have learnt (& will continue to learn) throughout life.

Part of this learning is remembering to look after yourself.

A mothers own happiness and success is of paramount importance to her child's development. Through her happiness her child learns all the joy that life has to offer & he/she receives the benefit of her positive moods. Similarly, through her success, her child has a great role model to inspire her children to strive to be their best.

When you look at your mother, you are most likely judging her on aspects such as love, dedication, support and self worth. These are the most powerful elements of mothering that are most likely going to have the most profound effect on your long term relationship with her and the closeness of your relationship in the future. Thus, you can see that by appreciating all your mother is doing for you, encouraging her to look after herself - and taking in board this advice when/if you are a mum - will empower you both to have a more fruitful and happy life.