Put a stop to fear of rejection

One of the simplest ways to reduce fear of rejection is by paying close attention to your perception of the world around you. When you have a fear of being rejected you are often second guessing what people around you might be thinking or feeling about you.

For instance, when you say "no" to someone who asks you to do a favour and you don't hear from them for a while. Your mind starts to panic and you start to berate yourself for saying "no". You assume that this person hates you now and this leads to you thinking you're a bad person. You don't calm down until you hear from the person and find out that everything is OK. All the anxiety in this situation is 'self-driven'. The anxiety is driven from a belief that if you say "no' to people they won't like you any more and as a result you conclude that you 'must' be a bad person.

The first step in combating this unhelpful thinking style is to start to pay attention to all the times in your day when your mind starts racing to fill in the gaps.

• Do you assume something is wrong with you, if people look at you a certain way?
• Do you worry about what you're going to wear, just case people see a potential flaw in your body?
• Do you avoid people who you think might ask a favour of you, out of fear of saying "no"?

Most people are worrying too much about their own issues to focus on yours, so start to believe this and put a stop to negative thinking. Tell yourself you're not going to engage in this type of thinking any more.

It will take time, because it's a long ingrained bad habits. However, the more you practice the better you'll become and the happier you will be!

What are you afraid of?

Fear. It's a very debilitating emotion. Have you ever been scared of what someone might say if you stood up for yourself? When you find yourself in this position ask yourself - 'what am i afraid of here?'.

For instance, let's say you have a friend who is quite insecure. You love her, but you don't want her to take on her negative baggage out on you all the time. Every time she says something that insinuates you're not putting her first, or that you don't have a right to feel the way you'd like you, you feel anxious and just give in to her demands. Let's say she's been calling you for a few days and you're avoiding returning the call because you don't want the stress associated with talking to her. At this point, ask yourself that question. 'What are you afraid of?' In essence you are scared of her making another negative comment. But... what if you decided not to be scared any more. After all, she's made these comments many times before and nothing bad happened. You're avoiding her anyway. So why not tell yourself that she can feel however she wants. You're not giving in to her demands and she is not someone warranted of fear. Words can only hurt if you allow them to.

Now if when you call she goes down the same track, you simply do not give ANY fuel to her comments. This is easier when you have been calm BEFORE making the return phone call. You have to retrain the friend to understand that you're not going to pander to her insecurities any longer.

What are you waiting for?

Are you saying "i'll be happy when..." It's so easy to be caught in a pattern of wishing for the future and not living in the present. The main problem with this way of thinking is that there will always be something in the future that you desire. This is not a bad thing. It's fine to be excited about your journey in life. However, the secret is learning how to enjoy the present.

Look to the future for your desires, but then take time out to enjoy your current life and the things you have in your environment. Your life will always have SOMETHING to be grateful for. When you're in this positive head space you are able to think much more clearly about how to set goals to achieve those things you'd like to achieve in the future.

Stop saying "yes"

If your life is overfilled with commitments and you are feeling tired and overworked, you may have issues with saying "yes" and "no" in inapropriate times. Many intelligent people feel guilty when they are not busy, this can be a product of living in a society that encourages filling in every spare moment of your day with 'tasks'.

It can be difficult to say "no" when you don't have something specifically planned - the person asking often places pressure on you by saying "but you're not doing anything". The underlying message here is that your time - just for you - is not that important. If you don't value yourself, then you are more likely to feel guilty for saying "no" and then resent the fact that you're only giving in to appease this guilt.

The take home message - is that you HAVE to make YOU an important and valuable part of your life, otherwise how can you expect others to value you? If you need some time to yourself, it's OK to say 'I'd be happy to help another time, but at the moment I need some time to relax'. By nurturing yourself you help others because you are in a clearer frame of mind and can approach 'dificult' people in a more calm and rational manner.

Is sugar making you look older?

Most nutritionists will tell you that sugar is one of the negative foods in your diet. It's an ingredient that is very difficult to avoid if you're not paying attention. Foods such as pasta sauce, yoghurt, spreads, crackers and chewing gum are laden with sugar to enhance taste.

So what's wrong with sugar?
Many health professionals state that sugar changes the appearance of your skin. If you are looking more tired, drawn out and 'blotchy' than normal, it may be that you have too much sugar in your diet. If you're a person that tries to eat healthy foods, start paying attention to the processed foods in your diet to see what effect they might be having.

The good news
The exciting thing is the effects of sugar on your health are irreversible. You'll start to see results very quickly. This is why people report such healthy looking skin of the Refresh Your Life program (see: http://www.happylife.net.au/Products_Refresh_Your_Life.html). This program makes it easy to eat low sugary foods, in a balanced way. We all love our chocolates and sweets, so if you make sure you include them in your lifestyle in a sensible way, you'll look good, lose weight, feel happy and enjoy the treats too.

Where do you find your inspiration?

Inspiration can serve as a great motivator. For instance, if you love music, why not make sure that you have a number of playlists that get you excited and shift any negative mindsets - on the spot? Music is a great way to feel positive and to be in the moment. If you use your imagination it can transport you to places where the music has made you feel alive - say when dancing, at a special event such as a wedding, or when travelling.

Music has the power to evoke incredibly positive emotions and to boost your energy levels in an instant. It doesn't cost very much to download these days and yet the impact can be enormous.

The next time you're feeling a bit 'down', put on a song and have a dance - even get your partner and children involved. There's nothing more special than dancing with your kids whilst they make up their own moves. These are special moments that bring you closer together and shake up the cobwebs - leaving you in a more positive and inspired state.

Happy Life: Don't give up on your dreams

Happy Life: Don't give up on your dreams

Don't give up on your dreams

Sometimes it's hard to stay motivated on your dreams when you're in the throws of negative experiences. For instance, if you'd really like to have more money, but keep letting bills and debt get you down, you remain in a negative energy flow which actually increases your debts and reduces the amount of money you're attracting to you.

It's easy to say "just stay focused and positive", but it is something that you have to commit to. You have to remember that it takes a lot longer to move towards your dreams if you're currently in a state of negativity, than if you were in a more positive state looking forward to achieving your dreams. You need to understand that you created your current reality and just as you created this one, you can alter this one and create a new state. All you have to do is find ways to distract yourself from negative emotions and reframe your current experience so that it does not bring you down.

Do you believe in yourself?

Having faith in your abilities and in your judgement is a crucial aspect of life and being successful. Sometimes this isn't so easy because you'll be influenced by your past experiences and the belief that things in the past dictate your future - this is not true of course, but at times it's hard to see through negative emotions.

You need to practice believing in your judgement by building your self-esteem, challenging negative thoughts and focussing on the people, experiences and things that make you happy.

What is self-esteem?

There are many definitions of self-esteem. The key to a healthy self-esteem is to live a life where good and bad things happen, however, your belief in your core self is not affected by these events (e.g. you don't think you're a bad person because someone else is upset with you!).

Nathaniel Branden has defined self-esteem in a very interesting way. He states that self esteem is encompassed in our:

1. Confidence in our ability to think and to cope with the basic challenges of life (doing well)

2. Confidence in our right to be happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants and entitled to enjoy the fruits of our efforts (feeling good).

When you look at this definition, ask yourself, do you feel these things and if not, what beliefs, thoughts, experiences and feelings might be influencing your ability to develop and sustain a strong self-esteem.

Source: N.Branden (1992). The power of self-esteem (Deerfield Beach, Fla, Health Communications), In. Seligman, M.E.P (1995). The Optimistic Child, Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston.

Self-esteem and optimism

Self-esteem and optimistic thinking are very closely related. Having an optimistic view of the world means that you have a higher resilience when things go wrong, you don't tend to blame yourself for the ills of the world and you don't generalise negative events to the rest of your life. For instance, when you have a pessimistic view of the world, you would conclude that you are bad at all sports if you failed at just one, or you would conclude that you'll never have a meaningful intimate relationship with a partner because you've had one or a few negative relationships (disqualifying any positive evidence to the contrary) in the past.

Self-esteem is not something that can be improved overnight, nor is it something that's improved via positive thinking alone. It needs concerted effort and work to undo the negative impacts of the past and to create new ways of interpreting the events in your life and the impact they have on your future. For more information on self-esteem visit:
http://www.happylife.net.au/Self-esteem_online.html

Feeling Good

In order to increase your overall happiness, it's important to have the intention to feel good as often as possible. This seems like an obvious thing to say, however, there is a difference between saying you want to be happy and being committed to living a happy and optimistic life.

In order to feel good you have to ensure you are also healthy. This means paying attention to the influence of certain foods on your mood. This is particularly important for those who suffer from diabetes or irritable bowel syndrome. In both these cases, the consumption of certain foods will lead to negative mood states, irritability and exhaustion. In these negative mood states it's very difficult to feel motivated to be happy. Thus, health and happiness are intrinsically linked.

Make happiness your ultimate life goal. Visit: www.happylife.net.au

If something is making you unhappy - change it!

Do you continue to do the same thing over and over again - just trying harder each time - even though your methods are not achieving the results you desire? This is a common behavioural pattern. We learn one way of doing something and we just keep taking part in the same behaviour even though we've seen time and time again that we're not getting the results we desire.

If you see that something isn't working in your life, or it's making you unhappy, it's time to make a plan to move in a direction that brings you joy. Sometimes it's hard to see past your current stress, however, this is where the law of attraction works best. So take the following steps and move from struggle to freedom:

1. Acknowledge that your process is not working (e.g. you're not happy in your current job)
2. Decide on what alternative would make you feel better (e.g. to work in another industry or organisation)
3. Work out whether you need any additional resources to get your there (e.g. more study)
4. Set out your plan of achieving this
5. Focus on the desire that you want - as though you already have it. You don't need to worry about the plan any more, because you've put your plan in place

Shut down your internal critic

Have you noticed that each time you try to stay positive about something which you are focusing on in your life that makes you unhappy, your internal critic strikes a blow and keeps you in a negative vibration?

If you are in a place in your life right now that you do not want to be in and you have focused all your attention on the fear of staying there (feeling stuck), now is the time to distract your mind of this thought and solely focus on where you want to be as though it exists for you right now. This is not easy to start with, as your internal critic will fight you all the way, but you owe it to yourself to fight back and choose the path in life that makes you feel good!

The importance of good sleep

In our fast paced world we often take sleep for granted. Yet a good night's sleep can do wonders from your overall mood and in particular your coping resources - just ask any new mum!

Sleep deprivation has in fact been used as a form of torture, so you can see that this is a vital part of your overall health. It's not about the number of hours sleep you gain either, it's about the quality of your sleep. Thus it's very important that you find a way to wind down before going to bed.

Deepak Chopra suggests trying to go to bed prior to 10pm and even if you're not sleeping initially when in bed, going to bed with the attiude that it's all about rest and restoration will help you to wind down and relax about the process.

If you're having trouble with your sleep, try listening to a meditation CD prior to sleeping. The Happy Life meditation sleep CD is a great way to relax all the muscles of your body prior to sleep and to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. For more information on this CD visit:
http://www.happylife.net.au/Products_Meditation_CD.html

What makes you happy?

We're all different. That's what makes us so much fun and so difficult to work out at times!

Have you ever stopped to think about what actually makes you smile.

Do you assume that because something makes you happy, that it should make everyone just as happy?

Do you berate yourself for not being satisfied with what you have now?

It's really important to work out what gives you joy in your life. You may think that you should be happy because you have things that other people desire, like great relationships, money, success or fame. However, happiness is an individual thing, so it's necessary to investigate how you see yourself and how you can lift your confidence and self-esteem by pursuing the things that are right for you (instead of trying to please other people, or trying to live up to an 'ideal'). Once you decide on who you are and who you would like to be, you can place more effort in the right direction and bring in to your life longer lasting happiness and fulfilment in life.

The power of a simple photo

If ever you've been extremely stressed, you'll know that it usually takes a rather huge distraction to shake your mood. One of the easiest ways to distract yourself when you are in the throws of stress and anxiety is with a photograph. This photo can be of someone/people you love, a place that you've visited or would like to visit, or of anything that can put life into perspective.

The best photos are those that have an immediate impact. For instance, if you are stressed about finances, one look at your partner and kids laughing in a photo will quickly make you realise what life is all about. Once you have shifted your mindset away from stress, you are then in a much clearer mindset to deal with the original stress at hand.

Secrets of Healing your Body - By Inna Segal

With Secrets of Healing your Body - By Inna Segal, you'll discover how to live a healing way of life, multiple levels of healing, how to connect with your body, a brilliant way to start your day, plus powerful healing processes.

Secrets of Healing Your Body
What does it take to heal your body and create an extraordinary life?
Discover the answers for yourself by participating in this interactive, exciting and powerful program, with Inna Segal.

You’ll love this DVD as long as you want to gain a better understanding of healing, learn how to connect with and receive information about your body and actively participate in your own healing.

With Secrets of Healing Your Body, you’ll discover:

How to live a healing way of life

Multiple levels of healing

How to connect with your body

A brilliant way to start your day

Why Awareness + Tools = Choice

With Secrets of Healing Your Body, you’ll experience some powerful processes:

• Inna’s ‘Shake It Up’ process


• A Relaxation Exercise


• Colour Healing Process


• Freedom from Fear Process


• Pain Relief Process
  
  Plus 2 super bonuses
  
  BONUS 1 – How Your Body Communicates With You
  BONUS 2 – How to use The Secret Language of Your Body for best results
  
  Running Time:
  Approximately 170 minutes. Colour.
  

Visit: http://www.happylife.net.au/Products_Inna_Secrets_Healing.html to find out more or make your purchase

Happy relationships

One of the key 'errors' we make when we are settled in a relationship is that we think we don't have to try any more to sustain it. We assume that the hard part is over - 'hooking up' with a desired partner - but this is only the first step. Once in a relationship it's important to follow some key rules:

• Be your BEST self - don't try to be someone that you are not just to impress your partner, because you can't sustain this forever
• Practice open communication - bottling things up will only lead to resentment
• Make an effort - looking your best for work and then changing into 'daggy' clothes the minute you get home sends the message that your partner isn't worth the effort
• Find out when your partner is most open to talk about stressful issues like money, family, health and friendship concerns and schedule these times into your diaries
• Don't use your partner as a punching bag - people often assume it's OK to dump all their baggage onto their partners, yet make an effort to put on a brace face around other people they care less about in order to keep the impression of being a positive person. Your partner needs to see this positive person too
• Kiss your partner every day like you mean it - don't just go through the motions
• Remind yourself regularly of why you know your partner loves you and vice versa

If you keep to these tips you'll be amazed at how much better your relationship can be.

For more information see the Happy Life member area: www.happylife.net.au/Members_Benefits.html

Sleep & Parenting

Everyone knows that sleep is important, but it becomes most evident when you are sleep deprived. Just ask new mums!!!! One of the most unfair aspects of being a new parent is the fact that sleep deprivation can make parents (in particular mums) feel as though they can't enjoy the experience as much as they would like to. If you are a new parent and your child is experiencing sleep problems (research suggests approximately 25% of babies are difficult sleepers) the tiredness can be an even more pertinent issue for you.

One of the best lessons you can learn as a new parent is to go with the flow. Well meaning friends, family and child care professionals will give you every possible reason as well as 'tried and tested' methods for getting your baby to sleep on it's own through the night, but you know your baby better than anyone. Every child eventually goes to sleep. Yes, it can be tiring to be up with a baby that won't stop crying, but if you trust your instincts and ask yourself questions like, "what might this baby need, is he/she in pain with wind, is he/she overtired, is he/she having trouble breathing due to a cold etc" then you can take a deep breath and tackle the situation with the resources you have available to you, rather than criticising your parental skills in that moment.

Half the problem with having a baby that won't sleep is listening to the 'judgements' from others. The best thing you can do is give your baby what it needs. If your baby falls within the 75% of babies that respond well to sleep assisting techniques - then go ahead and use them. However, if your baby falls within the other 25%, it's OK to soothe your baby whichever way you feel will help him/her feel comforted and asleep. Accept this, don't berate yourself, trust in your instincts and MOST OF ALL.... try to catch up on your sleep around the baby's schedule when possible.

Recipe - Apple & cinnamon-choc pancakes

In a large bowl combine

• 1.5 cups of plain flour
• 2 cups of low-fat milk
• 1 tablespoon of Nutella
• 1 teaspoon of baking powder
• 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
• 1 whole egg
• 1 apple (slice the apple thinly and sprinkle with 1 teaspoon of raw sugar, then cook in the microwave on High for 1 minute)

Fry the pancakes one by one in a hotplate and serve with maple syrup and fresh strawberries.

How to stay positive when you're faced with the reality of things going wrong - right now!

One of the toughest parts of the law of attraction is actually putting it into place when you're faced with the reality of your current situation. For instance, if you're focusing on increasing your wealth, yet you feel that every time you open the mail there is another bill to pay, it can be very difficult to stay positive and actually 'believe' that things might change.

The key to the law of attraction working is telling yourself that things might take time - particularly large shifts. At the same time you need to have a very clear direction of where you are going. Further, you must have a back up plan to minimise the risk of reverting back into negative thinking when changes are not happening overnight. For instance, with money, it is very important to live within a structured budget whilst you are focusing on having that additional money - right now. This way, you're on top of your bills and don't experience stress, anxiety and depression every time you can't make ends meet. Sometimes it takes a little while longer for major shifts to happen, but believe in the power of positive focus, positive energy and positive influence. This is not 'magic', you see evidence of it every day.

No matter what you believe, you can trust in the fact that if nothing is changing as a result of negative thinking, then a new way of thinking must at the very least achieve a more positive outcome.

Patience in the face of advercity

Sometimes it can be very hard to practice patience when you're tired, overworked, stressed or anxious. When you're experiencing these negative emotions it's much harder to cope with your pets being naughty, or your children not wanting to do the things you ask, but this is the time when you need the most strength of all to ensure you do not deliver inconsistent parenting (e.g. you gently spray your cat with water and say "no" when you're feeling energetic, versus yelling or even hitting your cat when your reserves are running low).

Simply being aware of your 'danger' times of the day - is VERY important. For instance, on your way home from work mentally prepare yourself for the possibility that the house may not be tidy, the kids may want more of your attention that usual and you may have multiple chores that simply cannot wait another day. Think moment-to-moment. The kids and pets are your first priority, so give them the attention they deserve and then sit down and relax. Then when you're up to it (or early in the morning, if that suits you better) psych yourself up to doing the other tasks on your list.