How often do you learn your life lessons from positive or negative life events?

We are often thinking about what we are missing in life and about all the tragic experiences we hear in the news and from people all around us. As a result we end up learning most of our life lessons from painful life experiences and often neglect to learn from our positive life experiences. In fact, we tend to disqualify and ignore most of them. Our focus is often in the wrong places as we absorb all the pain of life's hurtful events and forget to truly and regularly absorb the pleasure of our successes, our relationships and our daily achievements.

BUT WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF YOU CHOSE TO LEARN PRIMARILY FROM ALL THOSE POSITIVE LIFE EVENTS?

For example, what if you absorbed how kind, respectful, thoughtful and considerate all those people you encountered today were, rather than absorbing how rude one person was to you today? What if you focussed on that one person who smiled at you today, opened the door for you, gave way to you at a busy intersection, allowed you to order your coffee first, supported you when you were feeling nervous, gave you directions, or pressed the light for you at a pedestrian crossing? What if you focussed on how nice your close friend was for listening to you talk about your most recent problem, rather than leaving this experience still focussed on how tough your life is as a result of this problem?

All these little life events often go unoticed and unaknowledged, yet they have the power to teach you (in abundance) what a valuable person you are on this earth.Your value in life and your successes needn't be measured by the small number of negative events you encounter in life.

Yes, there are negative things happening all around us. However, we often assume life is terrible because we completely ignore, or do not trully take in how many multitudes of great (positive) things are happening all around us on a minute-by-minute basis. You just have to start paying attention and taking it in - REGULARLY....

Of course we are all human and when we hear about tragic events, we feel pain. However, we have a choice in how we interpret these events. Often the interpretation is that the world is a horrible and negative place. BUT.... this is categorically not true. For every negative events there are countless positive events. We have just been trained to primarily absorb and learn from these negative expereinces. However, we must learn to pay attention to all the positive life lessons we have surrounding us.

Instead of getting upset about being kept waiting for an appointment, focus on how nice the person who served you was once you were attended to. Instead of focussing on the one rude person who cut you off in traffic, focus on the 15 kind people who either smiled at you, gave way to you, or didn't cut your off. Instead of focussing on your one friend who is neglecting you, focus on the other friends who are being kind to you and supporting you. Instead of focussing on your family member who is being disrespectful to you, focus on the 10 other family memebers who are being kind to you. Instead of focussing on your lack of intimacy, focus on all the affection you do receive (e.g. from your children, parents, friends).

I am not suggesting you live in denial and ignore your painful life experiences. The main message here is to not become obsessed by them and learn (incorrectly) that they are a reflection of you or society at large. When negative things occur to you personally, or you are affected by the pain and suffering of others, you have to allow yourself time to grieve and reach a level of acceptance. When these events occur though, you have the option of either allowing them to convince you that they are a reflection of how negative society and people in general are on this earth. OR... you can choose to understand that these events are a part of life and do not reflect the nature of most people living on this earth. In fact, most people are kind and loving. Most people care about the wellbeing of others. However, at times, negative experiences occur and we must cope accordingly.

The mistake human beings often make is learning negatively from negative life events and failing to learn positively (to balance out the negatives) from positive life events. If you spent most of your time focussing on the positive things around you, you would be able to assess more clearly negative life events for what they are and not draw negative conclusions about yourself and the world around you as a result of these events.

Take time to pay attention to the world around you. Don't miss out of the many opportunities you have to observe happiness, kindness and generosity all around you. Give yourself the chance to have a more balanced and accurate picture of the world around you. It might take concentration, but it is so worth it!

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

How does your behaviour impact on others?

One of the most interesting parts of the Myers-Briggs personality test is the Feeling 'F' versus Thinking 'T' scale. This scale rates how you make decisions in your life and within the world around you. In other words, when you are making decisions, do you consider facts more than feelings? 

Those who rate very highly on the 'T' scale often find it difficult to empathize with others because their decisions are based primarily on ration facts. Thus, at work they can struggle in management positions when it comes to addressing their staff, as their (at times) tactless and abrupt manner often offends. They tend to find it very difficult to sugar coat issues and to truly empathize with emotional problems they cannot relate to. These individuals are unfortunately often completely oblivious to their impact on the health and well being of their staff.

In contrast, this Myers-Briggs scale is particularly interesting when you consider those who rate highly on the feeling scale. Often people who are strong 'F's on the scale assume they are very considerate and kind towards others. However, these very people can be completely unaware of their negative behaviour towards other considerate and kind individuals. Because they base their behaviour so strongly on feelings, they can fall into the trap of assuming these nice people will simply accept their rudeness, disrespect, lateness and so on. A classic example of this is when they choose to make an effort to please those they are not confident around and thus ignore, pay little attention towards and neglect friends, colleagues and associates who they assume will just always be there for them. Usually, by the time they realise this person has had enough, the relationship has been tarnished beyond repair.

The most interesting aspect of this type of behaviour is that these very individuals are often the first to complain about being mistreated by others (usually by those very people they have tried so desperately to impress). The lesson for those bearing the brunt of this negative behaviour is to be assertive, to try to make the 'F' people aware of their behaviour and stop it before it completely tarnishes the relationship.

In work situations this happens all the time. Senior Managers who are not aware of, or do not consider, the impact of their decisions on their staff are often left wondering why their staff are not loyal, have a high turnover, or are no longer willing to work overtime to impress tho boss! When treated in a disrespectful manner, staff will eventually become disheartened and lose interest when treated with disrespect.

The moral here is that if you want positive relationships with the people you really care about in life to last - you have to make an effort and give these people the respect they deserve. Don't assume you can return their calls when you feel like it (eg after you've spoken to all the people you're trying to impress). Don't turn up late to social events without advising them or making up a lame excuse that you bumped into an old friend on the way. Don't repeatedly cancel at the last minute because something better came along or you've just lost interest. Don't assume you can get away with making little or no effort and they will always be there.

Life is all about balance and give and take. You get what you put in, so be mindful of those who perhaps you have been taking for granted and take this chance to tend to this relationship more closely.