Are you really being rejected or do you just think you might be???

You can spend an aweful amount of time believing that you have been rejected by someone when in fact you are the one who has made a conscious effort to walk away from a person you know is behaving in a manner that is not healthy for you. 

Your gut instinct is a good indicator of appropriate behaviours. However often human beings interpret inappropriate behavior towards them as a reflection of another persons feelings towards them, when in fact the negative behaviours are a reflection of issues and circumstances rather than feelings. 

For instance, a child may interpret a father distancing himself when entering into a new relationship after a divorce as a sign he no longer loves her. However, the behaviour is not reflective of his love for his child. It is a reflection of circumstance - eg as a result of entering a new relationship in which the new partner wants him to distance himself from his child, he no longer has the strength to maintain the same close relationship with his daughter. The daughter in turn gets upset and begins to distance herself from her father because she no longer wants to get hurt. 

In this example the daughter is likely to think that her father has rejected her and no longer loves her. However, the truth is really that she has decided she does not want a superficial relationship with her father and as such has decided to walk away. Her father simply cannot give her what she wants - in his current world of experience. His behaviour has nothing to do with his feelings towards her. He still loves her the same amount. His behaviour has just changed - not his feelings.

The way you interpret the behaviours of others in your life directly impacts how you perceive yourself and your level of overall happiness in life. For instance you may interpret that a friend who always waits for you to invite her out (& rarely invites you first) doesn't really like you. However, this is not likely to be true. In fact her behaviour is most likely the result of her being too busy and just relying on you to be the 'organiser' within the relationship. In this situation, you then have the right to decide if this is the type of relationship you would like and to voice your feelings about the current situation. The worst thing you can do is just sit back and make false assumptions about how she feels about you and hence leer your self-esteem.

So really think carefully before you interpret someone behaviour as a rejection of you. It's important to be mindful of you perceive others because it directly impacts how you feel about yourself and often our assumptions about how others feel about us are completely untrue.

For more support follow us on twitter at: lohalloran72 or visit us online at: www.happylife.net.au or www.helpformums.com.au

Mapping out goals is crucial to personal & professional achievement

Do you have desires but find yourself self-sabotaging your success by not following through? 

The main 2 reasons goals are not realised are:

1) no clear roadmap for success

2) no commitment to the roadmap

Designing a roadmap to achieve your desires is extremely important, yet is often not undertaken, because it takes time. 

Let's take a common goal: weightloss/fitness. 

Most people who want to lose weight, but do not take the time to map out exactly what they have to do & how these requirements can fit in with current personal and professional commitments. So, even if they purchase a good plan (eg a weightloss program) they have not taken the time to adjust the program to make sure the requirements are achievable in view of current life commitments to work, home life, family and friends.

Another common example is in business. Many individuals have a desire to start a new business venture but do not take adequate time to write out and stick to a regularly updated business plan. They also do not take time to think about short/medium/long term goals and how these are going to be achieved - devising a plan for current gaps & business requirements in order to realise their dreams.

The second aspect - commitment is even more vital.

So often people say they want to achieve a goal but are not fully committed to it. In their heirachy of importance, they think it's up the top, but in reality the goal regularly takes a back seat to other priorities. In such instances individuals need to spend time thinking about whether the goal really is that important to them right now - in view of other commitments that continue to take precedent. If they don't take time to do this, they regularly feel depressed about not achieving a currently unrealistic goal. However, if they take time to really assess their level of commitment, they can discuss their desires with others in their life and accommodate requests accordingly.

It's easy to look at other successful people who have what you want and feel sad about your lack of success. However most of the time there has been planning and commitment behind their successes & this part is often forgotten. 

Take the time to map out your goals and then commit to each stage of your journey, so you can live in the moment & feel good about the fact that each step you commit to take along your journey takes you one step closer to your goals.

To find out How to improve your self esteem Click on this link, or visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au 

How often do you learn your life lessons from positive or negative life events?

We are often thinking about what we are missing in life and about all the tragic experiences we hear in the news and from people all around us. As a result we end up learning most of our life lessons from painful life experiences and often neglect to learn from our positive life experiences. In fact, we tend to disqualify and ignore most of them. Our focus is often in the wrong places as we absorb all the pain of life's hurtful events and forget to truly and regularly absorb the pleasure of our successes, our relationships and our daily achievements.

BUT WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF YOU CHOSE TO LEARN PRIMARILY FROM ALL THOSE POSITIVE LIFE EVENTS?

For example, what if you absorbed how kind, respectful, thoughtful and considerate all those people you encountered today were, rather than absorbing how rude one person was to you today? What if you focussed on that one person who smiled at you today, opened the door for you, gave way to you at a busy intersection, allowed you to order your coffee first, supported you when you were feeling nervous, gave you directions, or pressed the light for you at a pedestrian crossing? What if you focussed on how nice your close friend was for listening to you talk about your most recent problem, rather than leaving this experience still focussed on how tough your life is as a result of this problem?

All these little life events often go unoticed and unaknowledged, yet they have the power to teach you (in abundance) what a valuable person you are on this earth.Your value in life and your successes needn't be measured by the small number of negative events you encounter in life.

Yes, there are negative things happening all around us. However, we often assume life is terrible because we completely ignore, or do not trully take in how many multitudes of great (positive) things are happening all around us on a minute-by-minute basis. You just have to start paying attention and taking it in - REGULARLY....

Of course we are all human and when we hear about tragic events, we feel pain. However, we have a choice in how we interpret these events. Often the interpretation is that the world is a horrible and negative place. BUT.... this is categorically not true. For every negative events there are countless positive events. We have just been trained to primarily absorb and learn from these negative expereinces. However, we must learn to pay attention to all the positive life lessons we have surrounding us.

Instead of getting upset about being kept waiting for an appointment, focus on how nice the person who served you was once you were attended to. Instead of focussing on the one rude person who cut you off in traffic, focus on the 15 kind people who either smiled at you, gave way to you, or didn't cut your off. Instead of focussing on your one friend who is neglecting you, focus on the other friends who are being kind to you and supporting you. Instead of focussing on your family member who is being disrespectful to you, focus on the 10 other family memebers who are being kind to you. Instead of focussing on your lack of intimacy, focus on all the affection you do receive (e.g. from your children, parents, friends).

I am not suggesting you live in denial and ignore your painful life experiences. The main message here is to not become obsessed by them and learn (incorrectly) that they are a reflection of you or society at large. When negative things occur to you personally, or you are affected by the pain and suffering of others, you have to allow yourself time to grieve and reach a level of acceptance. When these events occur though, you have the option of either allowing them to convince you that they are a reflection of how negative society and people in general are on this earth. OR... you can choose to understand that these events are a part of life and do not reflect the nature of most people living on this earth. In fact, most people are kind and loving. Most people care about the wellbeing of others. However, at times, negative experiences occur and we must cope accordingly.

The mistake human beings often make is learning negatively from negative life events and failing to learn positively (to balance out the negatives) from positive life events. If you spent most of your time focussing on the positive things around you, you would be able to assess more clearly negative life events for what they are and not draw negative conclusions about yourself and the world around you as a result of these events.

Take time to pay attention to the world around you. Don't miss out of the many opportunities you have to observe happiness, kindness and generosity all around you. Give yourself the chance to have a more balanced and accurate picture of the world around you. It might take concentration, but it is so worth it!

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

I've been asked this question a lot lately. It's a tough one because it's easy to lose hope in humanity and compassion during times of human suffering. For some reason those who deliberately hurt others are focused so much internally about their own desires that they either ignore or simply cannot see or do not want to see the pain in others - often resulting from a determination to punish the world for their own or family/friends personal suffering - the old 'an eye for an eye' mentality.

In times like these, the only thing we can hold on to is a belief that most of the people in this world are essentially good people who care about others. We Need to focus strongly on the good in the world to create as much positive energy through focussing even more on love, peace & compassion in our own lives and in the world around us. If we do the opposite and focus on all the evil and negativity in the world we feed that energy instead.

We also really need a more balanced view of the world. We complain about the media saying that it's skewed in the negative, but why is it so? Yes there are the conspiracy theories, however the media are essentially selling a product and research shows that negative news sells. Think about it - even the glamour magazines have articles about murders or the worst dresses or famous overweight people - or those without make-up. Why do we want to read this? Do we think it will make us feel better to see that someone who appears to have so much, really isn't that happy after all? Does it justify our misfortunes in doing so?

Of course we need to be informed of world events so we can do our best to create a better world and to help those who are suffering. Also we must advocate for those suffering that do not have a voice. However I believe we need to do this in a way that serves us better as human beings and does not make us angry & bitter about the world. We do not have to feed this negative energy and create even more negative energy. 

We cannot erase the past or justify it in any way. We must do what we can to help others also focus on the power we have to create a better world in the here and now. 

Each individual has the power to control their mind and visualise for 5 mins every day a peaceful and loving world. Research shows when people meditate in groups about peace, for that time, crime rates decline. So we do have power in these amazing minds - let's put them to good use. Every morning, every night & on public transport visualise peace, love and happiness. It's easy and can only improve your mood and life.

Allow yourself time to grieve and heal during painful experiences, but Don't lose faith in humanity. Trust in your goodness & in the goodness of most people on this earth. 

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life: www.happylife.net.au 

Self esteem tip: How to Stop Self Sabotage Save View

Does fear cause you to run away just when you seem to be getting what you want?

Low self esteem is often coupled with self sabotage. People often think self sabotage sounds crazy - how can you reject something you tell others and yourself that you want so badly? Yet self sabotage is REALLY common.

At work people self sabotage all the time. They complain for years about feeling unfulfilled, stressed and undervalued. However, when a job presents itself that has all the potential to resolve many of their current complaints, individuals will finds things that must be wrong with this potential opportunity and remain where they currently stand - unhappy and frustrated & wondering just when is life going to change. 

In relationships people also have a strong tendency to self sabotage. They feel lonely and are tired of attracting negative relationships into their lives, yet when the opportunity to meet someone new (without inherent complications) presents itself they allow fear to interfere with their behaviour. So they often avoid taking the first step and reject the opportunity to commence something new.

There is something safe about staying put! Even though people may hate where they currently stand, they know what this space is like - they know they can cope with the unpleasantness (getting enjoyment from the fantasy of a potential better life). However, it takes an incredible amount of courage to say "I don't care how scary the unknown is.. I want my desires & I'm going to take a chance to get them". 

Most people spend their lives in the mode of self sabotage. They avoid taking risks and instead live a life in fear and hence very unhappy.

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence 

Every step you take outside your comfort zone poses a potential risk. The key to overall happiness is how you interpret these risks and subsequently move on. For instance, taking a risk in the past on a new relationship that ended badly could either leave you feeling jaded and scared of ever taking the plunge with a new potential partner, or leave you healing past the pain and trusting that the right person for you is just around the corner. Similarly, taking a risk on a new business venture that failed could leave you either feeling like a complete failure, or challenge you to tweak things and get better (eg the journey of most successful business ple has stories of set-backs that inspired them to achieve even greater things).

You can choose to take controlled risks, or huge risks - that's a personal decision. I'm not suggesting you create risks and seek them out. Simply, when it comes to your inner desires, seize opportunities when they are presented to you. The Universe is responding to your requests, so seize the moments. 

Live the life that makes you happy. 

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence

Optimists creed

I came upon this creed and thought it was a wonderful thing to pass on and read regularly.

Enjoy...

The Optimist’s Creed

“Promise Yourself…

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about
your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press-on to the greater achievements
of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."

(From the book: “Your forces and how to use them” by Christian D. Larson

1912)

Which moments count most for you?

We talk a lot about the stages in grief and finally reaching the stage of acceptance to move on. Whilst one can move on after trauma, there are often triggers that bring up those sad feelings again. For me any song (and in particular 2 songs) by Radiohead remind me of my late brother in-law. My husband and I spent a lot of time with his brother listening to this beautiful music, so every time I hear these songs, I think of this time together. I am drawn to write this article, because as I sit here one of these songs is being played on the radio.

This relationship taught me a lot about how precious life is and how much we can take for granted. Being a Cancerian I have always been a family person. It means more to me than anything. However, I now really try to savour the moments I love with family, friends and loved ones. These are the moments that count.

A friend recently told me she was worried because she was going to miss an important meeting in order to attend a close relative’s funeral overseas. It didn’t take much convincing to help her to realise that the closeness of those you love is more important. Work can always be sorted out. We spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think of us, instead of trusting that we are doing our best and focussing on what is important. At the end of the day, in our final hours will we care about whether or not we made it to an important meeting, or more about all the special times we spent with those we love?

Yes, life demands a balance. As human beings we crave success, health and wellbeing – these all take time. However, the important thing is to ‘be present’ in the moments you have with people you care about. It’s all too easy to waste this time complaining about things that are bothering you. Save these complaints for specific times and have fun with those you love.

Take time out this week to tend to your relationships.

·         Email a friend you have been neglecting.

·         Skype a relative overseas

·         Pop in to visit a family member

·         Text a loved one to say you care or miss her

These precious times in your life increase your self-esteem and self-value and serve as wonderful memories throughout life. Yes they take time out of your busy schedule, but they are so...worth it.