Self esteem building tips: Every day is a great day for love

Special days like Fathers Day, Mothers Day and Valentines Day can bring up good or bad feelings depending on your personal relationships at the time.

Today is Fathers Day in Australia. Walking down  famous Chapel Street in Melbourne I was so touched by how many lovely young and old children I saw hugging their fathers and how many happy fathers I saw - just touched by the love of their family members. It really made me feel happy.

There were two main things that I took from this experience.

1) Days like this don't have to be about your dad if you don't have one, are not one, or are estranged from one. They are days to remind you that there is a lot of good in this world and you have people you love who also love you too - it's about focussing your attention here.

2) Whist we hear a lot of negativity, in general the human race is loving and kind. We generally have pretty good lives. There are always things to strive for, but we need to remember that there is kindness and love in our lives, despite what might be missing from time to time.

Sometimes depression strikes on days like this

In order to avoid feeling depressed on days like this and to ensure you can always maintain a high self esteem it's crucial to focus regularly on the love and fortune in your life. There is always some good to find in each day. If you prepare well for these events you can feel so much better. For instance, on Valentine's Day you could organise a nice outing with a close friend, on Fathers Day volunteer to help someone in need and on Mother's Day go to the movies and watch a comedy to bring on those feel good hormones.

Don't wait to feel better in order to do something to make yourself feel better. Take action when you need it most and find the best ways for you to improve your self esteem and sell worth- particularly on days that can trigger painful memories. Be prepared and be kind to yourself too.

To find out how you can build your self esteem visit: www.selfesteemonline.com.au

How to get your baby to sleep - innovative ideas

As a new mum it's highly likely that you heard about sleep deprivation but never really understood it until now. It would be great if all babies just fell asleep when they were tired but the reality is that all babies are different and most babies need some form of assistance from you as the new mum to help get to sleep and to stay asleep (download my free parenting ebook that details how to parent with child temperament in mind here). 

When it comes to your baby sleeping there are two very important motivations - 1) to give your baby a rest and 2) to give you a rest. The second point is vital for both your sanity and for your ability to parent in a calm, rational and safe manner. So bearing this in mind there a few things you need to decide on:

A) am I prepared to let my child cry it out?

B) will my baby even respond to crying it out (see the child temperament ebook to understand that some babies won't)

C) Do I care if my child does not sleep in a cot - eg co-sleeps safely?

D) what does my child need to go to sleep - eg comfort, reassurance, food?

E) am I prepared to relax my expectations and do what I think is right for us, rather than worrying about what I think will make others happy?

Now, besides all the usual things by now you know to look out for in your baby (eg first signs he/she is tired - like pulling ears and hair or yawning) there are a few extra things you can do to help your baby sleep - once you have addressed A - E above.

1) If your baby has a sore tummy due to excess wind, try picking her up and with one hand gently on the lower tummy gently bounce her/him to allow the wind to move down and pass through. You can also try rubbing the tummy or gently holiding both feet and rocking the legs up and down and side to side to pass the wind. Both my girls had lots of wind and these methods worked for them. We also used a natural product called Colic calm which we found very beneficial.

2) if your baby is regularly waking up he/ she may just need extra comfort. Here you have several options. 

-) invest in a baby sling so your baby can sleep with you and you can still get on with your day. Personally I have used the Baba Sling for both of my kids and I love it because it's adaptable up to 2 years of age and has freed me up to have a normal life whilst my girls have received the comfort they need.

 

 -) if your baby keeps waking up, check if your baby has a wet or dirty nappy. Some babies really feel uncomfortable so need to be changed more often. Keep the nappies close to the cot and sleep baby in a grow bag so it's quick and not too disruptive to change the nappy at night.

-) ensure your baby has had enough to eat so she's only waking up when expected. When your baby gets older make sure you leave at least an Hour between the last meal and bedtime to avoid a sore tummy, when you're baby is smaller though keep her in a more inclined position in bed, the pram etc to avoid excess wind. For instance place an extra folded blanket under the head of the mattress to incline the top only slightly so your baby won't roll to the bottom of the bed. Remember to always follow SIDS sleeping guidelines so your baby is save and don't place any blankets on top of your baby which could cover his head.

-) with a baby who needs extra comfort it's all about either giving in to co-sleeping (again ensuring you're following SIDS safe sleeping guidelines) or investing in a cot that you can place next to your bed so you can gently roll your baby over to the open cot next to you without you baby realising. I highly recommend the Bednest Bedside Cot. Not only is it beautiful, it serves this purpose perfectly.

There are lots of things you can do to ensure you get some sleep and your baby does too. The important thing is to not get stressed if your baby doesn't just gently drift off to sleep. Your baby has spent months close to you, so it only makes sense that he/she may need some assistance to get to sleep. Be kind to yourself and be patient. You may need to try a few different things before you get it right. 

If you're a new mum and you feel you need some more personalised support, contact me at info@happylife.net.au to book in a private session or visit https://www.selfesteemonline.com.au/products/coaching_for_new_mums for more information about Coaching for New Mums

Lizzie O'Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac

Which moments count most for you?

We talk a lot about the stages in grief and finally reaching the stage of acceptance to move on. Whilst one can move on after trauma, there are often triggers that bring up those sad feelings again. For me any song (and in particular 2 songs) by Radiohead remind me of my late brother in-law. My husband and I spent a lot of time with his brother listening to this beautiful music, so every time I hear these songs, I think of this time together. I am drawn to write this article, because as I sit here one of these songs is being played on the radio.

This relationship taught me a lot about how precious life is and how much we can take for granted. Being a Cancerian I have always been a family person. It means more to me than anything. However, I now really try to savour the moments I love with family, friends and loved ones. These are the moments that count.

A friend recently told me she was worried because she was going to miss an important meeting in order to attend a close relative’s funeral overseas. It didn’t take much convincing to help her to realise that the closeness of those you love is more important. Work can always be sorted out. We spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think of us, instead of trusting that we are doing our best and focussing on what is important. At the end of the day, in our final hours will we care about whether or not we made it to an important meeting, or more about all the special times we spent with those we love?

Yes, life demands a balance. As human beings we crave success, health and wellbeing – these all take time. However, the important thing is to ‘be present’ in the moments you have with people you care about. It’s all too easy to waste this time complaining about things that are bothering you. Save these complaints for specific times and have fun with those you love.

Take time out this week to tend to your relationships.

· Email a friend you have been neglecting.

· Skype a relative overseas

· Pop in to visit a family member

· Text a loved one to say you care or miss her

These precious times in your life increase your self-esteem and self-value and serve as wonderful memories throughout life. Yes they take time out of your busy schedule, but they are so...worth it.

To boost your self esteem and self confidence visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au

 

Low self esteem and depression

Depression is one of the most common conditions of the modern era. There are a  number of theories as to why depression is so widespread, for instance it had been proposed that the stressors and expectations of modern life leave many people feeling disheartened, lonely and unhappy. We have created a world where appearance and success seem to matter more (or affect people's judgements of others) for than the most important virtues of life - kindness, respect, love and trust.whatever opinions we have on these material things, they have resulted in a lot of societal pressure. 

Mothers have never felt more pressure to try to be perfect and raise perfect children. Professionals have never felt more pressure to move up the Corporate ladder. When life is going well these drives are very positive, but when certain set backs arise then depression can quickly set in and all the inroads to gain self confidence and build self-esteem in order to succeed are suddenly quashed by waves of depression and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

So how do you cope with depression after pregnancy or depression at work?

One of the keys to raising out of depression initially must involve a change in your physical body. This is where medication has its place. When you reach severe depression it can be very difficult to see beyond your current state to get help. You need to get to a state where you can be receptive to help offered and can think clearly to manage the issues causing your depression. However, anti-depressants must be taken for a period of time and as with all medication - have particular side effects, such as weight gain. These side effects can result in further negativity so if you're going to take medication its vital that you see a trained therapist as well so that you can manage the medication with continuing therapy.

In terms of non-medical options, there are a range of herbal remedies for depression, including elixirs and acupuncture which can boost your mood. Exercise is a key element to reducing depression too because it releases feel good hormones. Feel good foods like tuna are essential too as they release serotonin which also boosts mood. 

By enlisting a friend or partner to encourage you to engage in these positive activities when you feel you are heading towards depression, you can more readily take control of your life and take active steps to treat depression after pregnancy and depression in the workforce.

Find out more 

In this YouTube video Lizzie O'Halloran coaches further on issues underlying postpartum depression and work related depression: https://youtu.be/jH2ZOlsn038 

If you're experiencing depression visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au

Are you struggling with low self esteem?

Your self esteem is the key element in your life that directly affects your overall health and wellbeing. Without a strong self esteem your relationships struggle, your work suffers, your dedication and motivation to eat healthy and exercise are impaired, your finances are ignored and so on. 

You can't just turn on your self esteem. It takes a commitment to change negative thinking and subsequent feelings. These two things directly and significantly alter your self esteem. So this is where you need to begin.

Start by paying close attention to your internal language. 

How are you speaking to yourself and what things do you say about yourself out loud? - eg comments like "I'm such an idiot" are a very common and destructive thing people tell themselves all the time. Not only is it damaging to your self worth, but it's completely untrue. 

Each time you catch yourself saying negative statements about yourself, stop and question what you're saying and then reframe your statement. Eg instead of saying you're an idiot when you make a mistake, tell yourself "yes, I made a mistake, but I'm human. Everyone makes mistakes. I'll learn from this one and get better". This is a more accurate statement and it's not damaging to your self esteem.

It takes time and effort to catch yourself in these moments of negative thinking but it is vital to reframe your language in order to feel better about yourself. The key though is that you must choose new statements that you actually believe. There is no point telling yourself something that simply isn't true.

To boost your self esteem today visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au today 

Reduce your stress this Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a time for kindness, fun and love. Unfortunately it is often the opposite for many people, because instead of focusing on the blessings in life, it can pose a time to focus on lack - particularly when loved ones have been lost, are sick or are no longer on speaking terms. 

The true meaning of Christmas is signified beautifully in this early definition found in The American magazine, vol. 28 (1889), pg 742:

"to give up one's very self — to think only of others — how to bring the greatest happiness to others — that is the true meaning of Christmas"

Modern life has confused the true meaning of Christmas with the size, quality and number of Christmas presents you give and receive. But the true meaning of Christmas lies in the warmth and love you can bring to your life and to the lives of those you love during this festive season. 

Just think about the difference you could make to your Christmas table by taking the time to write or tell those you love how much you care about them.

 If money is an issue, think about giving cheaper gifts that will create a special memory for others, like home baked cookies wrapped in nice paper, a beautiful Christmas Tree ornament, or a poem written in beautiful paper and laminated. These things will be remembered much more than expensive trinkets. 

This Christmas also take time to bring warmth back into your home. If you are musical, choose a new song to sing/play each year, or create fun games to play like sherades to break the ice and detract from negative energies. 

Don't make presents the centre of attention - make little cards with one word that signifies what the person means to you & attach these to your gifts. 

 Focus on the blessings you all have in your life. Ask each person to say 1 thing they are grateful for and one thing they are excited about in the New Year. Change the focus and mood by playing happy and fun Christmas music. 

Make this a Christmas to remember - for all the good reasons!

If you don't celebrate Christmas still take the time to focus on your blessings and on those you love. Make someone you love a card that tells him/her how much you care and appreciate having this person in your life.

Life will always be filled with ups and downs. If you are feeling a loss at Christmas - turn it around as much as possible. Remember the good times and what you are grateful for right now. It's not easy, but if you give thanks at the same time that you grieve, the pain will be just that bit more tolerable.

Focus on love and more love will come...

For more support contact Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

Or email at: info@happylife.net.au

Learning to trust your instincts

The daily punishment you can place your body & mind under - as a result of constant negative feedback - can leave you with a lack of trust in your inner instincts. You can learn over time that it's not safe to trust that inner voice that tells you it's time to speak up (particularly when there is a chance you may get hurt). 

Why might you feel insecure in your ability to trust your instincts? 

Often this happens as a result of rejections and others letting you down. When you are rejected by someone you love you can easily learn (incorrectly) that you are not a worthy person and also learn that your instincts about this person were not accurate. You can begin to wonder if you really can trust your guidance system that has led you into a situation where pain has been the outcome. 

Add to this when those you care about regularly let you down, you can learn not to trust your inner guidance system who once again led you to these relationships. 

What we tend to quickly forget is that 99.9% of times your inner voice has tried to warn you about others who may not be the best 'fit' for you, but you have allowed your desires 'in the moment' to drive your behaviour and hence pushed forward with people who time and time again let you down. 

The question you need to ask yourself is "when will I start to realise the importance of listening to my instincts?"

When you repeatedly ignore your inner voice you leave yourself vulnerable. You are vulnerable to:

-) being hurt by those who do not truly show you the respect you deserve

-) ignoring potential errors that could lead to future problems

-) rejecting opportunities to stretch your wings and be the person you truly want to be

-) not standing up for yourself

-) others developing an inaccurate picture of you

So you can see, learning to pay attention when your intuition is trying to speak up, is vital to your overall health, happiness and success in life.

Start today! 

Start to listen to your inner voice. Don't rush into decisions. Give yourself time and permission to do things in your own time. Don't ignore your inner drives - particularly out of fear. Act - when your instincts tell you to speak up. 

Trust your instincts - one instinct at a time!

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.hapoylife.net.au