Who do you see when you look in the mirror?

One of the most common locations you are likely to find yourself self criticizing is in front of the mirror. Thanks to the instillation of reflective surfaces in lifts, bathrooms, cars, iPhones, wardrobes, department stores (and the list goes on...), it's hard to escape the temptation to 'check' whether you still look ok.

Research tells us that children as young as 6 years of age are suffering from body image problems and thus engage in a fair bit of self criticism. The saddest aspect of this behavior is that the images they are judging themselves against are not reflective of the average person. In fact, most of the ideal beauty portrayal is fabricated by the media. For instance, Jennifer Anniston was once reported as saying that she felt a lot of studio pressure to stay very thin during her years filming the show Friends, when this was not natural for her at the time. If she had been allowed to remain her beautiful curvier self throughout the show, perhaps she could have led a movement of self acceptance similar to the one she began with her hair styles.

It's not just females who criticize themselves regularly, now more than ever we are seeing males with dysfunctional body images. Just think about the physical transformation sportsmen have gone through over the past 20-30 years. Now, its perfectly acceptable for them to have the latest fashionable clothes, perfect white teeth, manicured hands and feet, wear tanning products and have cosmetic procedures in order to look attractive, youthful and sexy (perhaps David Beckham has had some influence changing this ideal too).

When I was a teenager my mother took me to the dentist to look into having braces. I remember at the time crying my heart out because I was so worried I was going to be teased at school. Lucky for me at the time, I had a perfect bite, so my dentist did not want to potentially damage that with braces.

HAVE THINGS CHANGED SINCE THEN!!!

If I had been in this position now, I would have been excited about choosing all the different styles of braces available Now, it's very common for kids to have braces because they lead to perfectly straight teeth - a very desirable quality.

It would great, though, if we could teach our kids that whilst it's important to feel good about your physical appearance (being clean, tidy, healthy etc...), attractiveness ultimately comes from within. The reason people put so much effort (& money) into their physical appearances is really to feel good about themselves on the inside. However, whilst initial attraction is based on the physical, positive feelings are the drivers behind others finding you attractive. Yet, people often assume its because they have 'improved' something physical that others like them more. When in fact it's the positive energy that it most attractive to others - especially long term.

The cheapest way to start feeling better about yourself is to flip reflective criticism into reflective complements. For instance, you're at work and catch yourself saying "gosh I look tired today". Flip it... Stop. Tell yourself "I'm not doing this today". Then say something positive, such as "I love the way I tied up my hair today", or "I'm on fire in meetings today", or "this outfit looks great on me".

The point is to start to like the person you see in the mirror. That way you give her/him the best chance of shining through - every single day.

Happiness gained through enjoying the journey

From a very young age we are taught to aim high, look to the future and wait for happiness to arrive after we have achieved our goals. The consequence of thinking like this is that happiness is only ever short lived. When we reach these goals we are not taught the skills of appreciating and enjoying the pleasure of this success. Being future goal driven, we soon forget the successes we achieve (or forget the enjoyment we felt after achieving our goals). Our minds soon focus on the next thing we need to achieve in order to be happy. Then term "I'll be happy when..." Becomes all too familiar.

The problem with this type of thinking is that it's ingrained from a very young age. We are rewarded and encouraged for working really hard, achieving good grades, making the team, getting the partner and so on... However, these end points lend themselves to the search for new goals to fulfill our deeper need to achieve first - in order to find happiness.

As a result of happiness being attached to success, we often feel negative emotions such as depression and anxiety when we fail to reach the goals we set our for ourselves (or when we fail to meet others expectations). Thus, happiness becomes dependent on success.

What a difference a simple change in mindset could make!

Imagine the difference in your life if you could change your thinking to focus on the enjoyment of the present - the journey towards your achievements as well as the final success. Whilst it may take a little practice, changing your thinking simply takes dedication and persistence. The payoff to realizing how much happiness you have in your life right now (whilst simultaneously being excited about what the achievement of your goal will enhance in your life) is enormous.

According to the law of attraction, being in a positive state whilst traveling along the journey to achieve your goals will create a similar vibration and enhance the likelihood that you will achieve your goals. But more importantly, taking time to realize how great even small aspects of your life are right now gives you the opportunity to live your life, rather than waste it focussing continuously in the future and never really living in and enjoying the present moment.

A great way to start shifting your mindset is via making a mental list before going to bed every night of all the things you are happy about right now, such as:
- your physical body is alive and functioning
- your family (or certain members of it)
- your home (you have shelter, water & food)
- your mind (having the intelligence to create your own happiness)
- your job (you have the capacity to earn money)

This process is not about saying "I should just be satisfied with what I have". It's about acknowledging that despite your struggles, on balance you can find things to be happy about right now. You can then use these qualities to give you more strength and trust that you can and will achieve more in your life.