Why it's so important to increase self-esteem

The underlying cause of a lot of unhappiness is low self-esteem (a lack of confidence in your own worth or abilities). Self-esteem is the product of your life history, genes and circumstance. Low self-esteem is usually coupled with insecurity and self-doubt. These negative aspects of the 'self' have a nasty habit of causing self sabotage and reducing confidence. 

It's heartbreaking to witness how low self-esteem debilitates ones life through fear and doubt. The cruelest part of low self-esteem is that no matter how strong your belief is about how much you believe you deserve something, low self-esteem will find a way to ruin any chances of success unless you manage or heal it.

Let's look at the example in relationships. It's a strong desire for most people to attract and maintain a loving, supportive and fun intimate partner. When the relationship is yet to manifest, the desire intensifies until the universe nicely conspires to place you at the right place at the right time to form this potential partnership. If your self-esteem is moderate to high you will be yourself, show your best qualities and allow the relationship to grow organically. However, if your self-esteem is low you will panic at the slightest perception your potential partner has lost interest, behave in ways inconsistent with your true values and sacrifice much more of yourself than is appropriate in order to sustain a relationship that deep down you don't believe you truly deserve.

Similarly, when it comes to changing your career path, if you do not have a high self-esteem you will procrastinate, make poor decisions and avoid taking potential risks due to a very high fear of failure. 

How you feel about yourself directly impacts on your life success and overall happiness.

Thus, before you embark on any life change, it's imperative that you first work on increasing your self-esteem.

Whilst there are short-term quick- fix solutions to increasing your self-esteem, it usually takes a bit of time to firstly find the underlying causes of low self-esteem and then to begin to increase your self worth and self confidence using a variety of techniques. 

Whilst it can take time to fully increase self-esteem, a great way to begin boosting self-esteem is through validation (internal and external). This means acknowledging and welcoming the praise you receive by others and taking the time to regularly give yourself praise for every little job well done - instead of just disqualifying it as another job to tick off your to-do list. These could be as simple as prising yourself for:

- posting a profile on a dating site

- contacting someone you have a crush on

- attending an event that made you feel nervous

- completing a daunting presentation

- applying for that great job

- speaking up about something you feel strongly about

- paying your bills on time

- investing your money

- cleaning your home

- making time to care for a loved one

- spending time with a friend from overseas or interstate

On a daily basis you do a myriad of fantastic things that you either ignore or downplay simply because they are not as important as the tasks you have decided are most important to lead you towards achieving your long term goals. Whilst these tasks are great measures of success, taking time to acknowledge all the other great things you're doing daily will increase your self-esteem. In turn it will increase your confidence in your abilitiy to make your larger desires a reality. 

So praise yourself and others regularly and be proud of all the wonderful things you do for yourself and others on a daily basis.

Be mindful of your self-esteem and seek help if you need assistance to boost your self worth.

For more information or support for low self-esteem visit: http://www.happylife.net.au/self-esteem_online.html

Making those 10 minutes count

Most of the things we procrastinate over take around 10 minutes to perform. Yet we often avoid these things because we assume they are either  too difficult, too stressful, or too time consuming to perform.

It dawned on me last night as I was playing with my cat how easily I can convince myself that I just don't have time to engage in things that will only take 10 minutes of my life. Playing with my cat is a great example of this. That 10 minutes of play resulted in a night filled with peace. Tonight she also jumped on my lap for a cuddle - something she has struggled with for many years as a result of extreme anxiety. So that 10 minutes of my life resulted in a two fantastic outcomes.

Just think about all the important things in your life that you are possibly avoiding, that if undertaken would only really take10 minutes. 

Examples of 10 minute activities:

Meditating 

Calling a friend or family member

Playing with your child

Talking to your partner

Paying a bill

Sending an important email

Buying something online

Cleaning a room in your home

Speaking to your boss

Writing a plan for a university assignment

Scoping a work project

Now, think about just one of these 10 minute exercises that could improve your life if enacted regularly. For instance, if you often put off calling your family, you are likely to feel stressed about phoning on a regular basis. However, if you set aside 10 minutes every week to call and ensured you only spoke for 10 minutes, you would reduce your guilt and feel more in control of your life. In addition you would begin to build a much closer and fulfilling relationship with your family. Similarly, if you keep avoiding to send an important email, you will create a great deal more stress than if you sent it when it was due. By telling yourself it will only take 10 minutes, you can resolve the issue, move forward and feel a sense of relief from ticking off another task  from your to-do list.

Such tasks take up only small segments of time, yet if regularly ignored, can have a dramatically negative impact on your life. In the case of my cat, should I choose to neglect her 10 minute play, my punishment is a night of distressing miaowing, followed by an early morning wake up call. However, if engaged in10 minute activities can dramatically positively influence your life for the better.

So next time you are procrastinating over a 10 minute task, remind yourself that these 10 minutes will be worth every second to the quality of your life, in the long run.

For more inspiration and to learn how to build self esteem and gain confidence visit Happy Life at: www.selfesteemonline.com.au or follow us on Twitter at: @lohalloran72 or on Instagram at: @how_to_build_self_esteem

Who decides on your reality?

It's very interesting to start to delve deeper into the mind. This pondering begs to question how two people can experience the exact same event and yet have completely different views on what transpired.

When you think about the way we conceptualise reality, this phenomenon seems quite impossible. After all, isn't what we see reality? 

In reality, what we observe and how we interpret our observations, make up our reality. Your perceptions will be directly related to your current emotional state and your history. A person who is generally feeling happy will view a potentially negative event in a much more optimistic light, than a person who is feeling depressed. Yet the event remains in Essence the same.

If you can accept this concept to be true, you can accept a concept one step further and believe that the way you think about your environment directly mirrors your perception of reality. Thus, what you think about - you truly create!

Our whole existence is based on believing our real world outside of us makes us feel particular ways. People often think "The job makes me uphappy, the money problems make me unhappy, the partner makes me unhappy" and so on... 

However, in reality it is our perception of these events that cause us to be unhappy, rather than the events themselves. By choosing to alter your perceptions, you not only find liberation in the face of adversity, but you find a path to creating new and more pleasant realities.

We go back to meditation because it is a powerful way of controlling your thoughts and opens up the window to create your desires future. If you can't find time to meditate right now, at the very least take opportunities where possible to focus on feelings of happiness. Travelling to work is a perfect time to engage in positive thinking. Wearing dark sunglasses on a train enables you to close your eyes in a crowded environment without any embarrassment.

During these times of meditation think about how you can start to create the positive energy in you that you want to project externally. You don't need to worry about the outcome. If the laws of quantum physics are correct - like energy attracts. So your greatest job in life is to ensure your mindset and emotional state match the same mindset you believe you will have only once you receive your desired outcome. Feeling before seeing!! TRUST is the key ingredient. 

It's a shift in your way of thinking, but it's so worthwhile to really begin to enjoy each day in your life journey.

For more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au

There's a big difference between being nice & being passive

Objectively if you were to look at the human race you could be convinced that there is something wrong with a species that seems to repel and reject nice people on a regular basis. I see countless evidence of 'nice' people being taken advantage of, walked over, ignored, rejected and criticized. However, when you look closely at these examples you invariably find these nice people are in fact engaging in passive behaviour and ignoring their own needs, wants and desires in order to please others. Hence why it's easy to confuse being nice with being passive.

So, what is the difference between niceness and passivity?

Being a nice person goes hand in hand with considering the needs of others, being kind, being generous, helping and supporting those in need. However, when these qualities come at the expense of your own needs, wants and desires on a regular basis they translate into passive behaviour. The major problem with being passive under the guise of niceness is that it often translates into resentment and anger - in turn causing you to no longer want to be nice.

Being passive also tends to bring out the worst in others because people tend to assume that nice person will be more accommodating and be less likely to complain when things don't go their way.
The reason many nice people avoid being assertive is they are driven by a need to please others. Thus, expressing conflicting views can be very frightening for a passively nice person, as it has the potential to upset others and result in negative consequences (eg rejection and criticism).

The most fascinating aspect of passive behaviour is that it ends up leading to the same negative outcomes originally feared. In others words, passively Nice people want to avoid being criticized, but through passive behavior are likely to end up being criticized anyway.

If you are a passively nice person it's really important to make the distinction between being nice and passive and to challenge your underlying fears that drive you to behave in a passive manner. You can still be a nice person, but don't allow your behaviour to be driven predominately by the needs and wants of others. This is particularly important when you commit to doing something with another nice person and are asked to do something at the same time by someone you are scared to say 'no' to. In this case, you're likely to also choose the scary person and assume the nice person will be OK. Behaving in the exact manner you dislike in others.

Whilst there will always be times when it is necessary to put the needs of others in front of yours, during these times it's important to ensure you are being respected and appreciated. For example, placing boundaries around how your children should speak to you (showing their appreciation through words like please and thank-you).

Further, whilst being 'easy going' might be an energy you aspire to have, don't confuse it with being a pushover. It's fine to agree to things if you really don't mind, but if you're happy, at least seek clarification and ask if there is any opportunity to alter things more to your liking.

Aspire to be a nice person, but try not to aspire to be passive.

How to cope when people let you down

One of the difficult parts of the law of attraction and energy is the fact that we are surrounded by competing energies, desires and behaviors. Stuart Wilde - one of the all time Guru's in this area stated back in the early 1980s that even brushing past others with negative energy can (and often does) impact on your mood & hence effects your ability to attract positive things into your life.

It's no wonder then that you can find yourself attracting people into your life who regularly behave in ways that you regularly vocalize you dislike. Further, you are likely to find that when you are feeling negatively, people around you tend to let you down more often or display negative behaviors that really upset you.

In order to cope with negative people and their behaviors it's important to first ask yourself whether your moods and focused attention may be drawing these people closer towards you. If the answer is yes, then it is time to begin to rethink and reframe things in your life to reduce the likelihood of it happening.

You need to be extremely strong willed and determined not to allow the presence of other negative people to infect your life. You must be very mindful of how your energy can be altered and be diligent in your efforts to try to refocus on the positive aspects of life, rather than on the negatives. Of course this is easier said than done, but this is part of your life journey.

When it comes to those close to you hurting you, it's not as easy to refocus and let things go. It takes a bit more time. However, I believe when others hurt you it says more about how you allow others to treat you, than it says about them.

For instance:
1) if your boss is being a bully - do you simply put up with it for fear of bring fired?
2) if you're in an abusive relationship, do you stay there when you know you should leave?
3) if your friends continuously cancel on you or make little effort to attend events that are important to you, do you say little and simply squash your feelings to keep the peace?
4) if your family members are disrespectful, do you voice your confidence in yourself, of allow them to walk all over you?

Whilst the other people in the examples above are behaving negatively, you still have a choice in how you deal with their behaviors and whether or not you are going to allow such negativity to persist in your life.

Jack Canfield - another Guru of the self improvement movement suggest to try to write a list of all the people in your life & then note which ones are positive and negative. If they are all negative, it's time to get new friends!!!

Your life is of value. Don't believe you are second best, or deserve to be treated in a negative manner. Trust your convictions. Stand up for yourself & stay positive. You deserve to live a happy and successful life.

Visit www.happylife.net , or follow Liz O'Halloran on Twitter at: @lohalloran72

Rediscovering your true self

When you look back to your childhood, did you become the person you dreamed you could be? Did you take an even greater path, or did you settle for a life that you don't quite know how you ended up with?

Life takes you on many journeys and through many paths. Sometimes you may feel that you're traveling in a single direction, only to wake up years later and wonder how on earth you arrived at your current life. The reason this often happens is that people often fail to spend time learning about themselves and discovering who they really are. What they really desire in life. The other reason people tend to give up on their dreams is due to the desire to please others, or live up to a conceived societal ideal.

Each day, week, month and year provides you with an opportunity to rediscover who you really are and who you would like to be. This doesn't mean you have to walk out the door and start your life again, but more to start finding ways to bring your true personality, interests and desired lifestyle into your current world of existence.

One of the other issues you may have faced is lack of self confidence that you could reach your goals and desires. This lack may have been the result of internal self beliefs, or the beliefs of others or society at large. Regardless of its origin, poor self belief has the power to prevent you from pursuing your desires. Thus resulting in living half a life and ending up in a place you find unfulfilling.

Dramatic change can be terrifying, which is why gradual steps towards self discovery are recommended. You may need to read more, travel more, research more, speak up more, or listen more... In order to find yourself. It takes time, but it's worth it. Take time to think back to that inner child and her/his hopes and dreams. How did others in your life respond to your desires? How well received where your ideas? These reactions would certainly have played a part in either increasing or decreasing your self efficacy in your ability to transform your dreams into a reality.

Through introspection and meditation you find the quickest path to self discovery. Your passions may seem elaborate and fanciful to others, but all realized ideas where once just pipe dreams. When there is a big leap to take you from the here and now to your future goals, give yourself permission to make gradual changes whilst you remain in a more secure position. (Eg financially). This will also give you time to adjust to your new self discoveries.

If you are completely happy with your life - that's great. Just remember there is always room to dream big and succeed. Life is here to be lived, enjoyed and experienced.

You are the creator of your destiny so don't wait for a better time. Now is the time to start really living your life.

Defining your relationship by how comfortable you are at communicating

It's interesting to note that whilst personal relationships should be the ideal place to communicate freely, it is in these relationships that you are most likely to experience the most fear in doing so. It is the fear of rejection (on any level) that leads to anxiety over displeasing others - and... This fear of rejection usually can be traced back to your relationship within your family.

The way in which you communicate and the level to which you feel free to speak up within your family has a direct impact on how you communicate within your friendships and within your intimate relationships. On a conscious level you are likely to be a great advice giver because you can see objectively the result of poor communication within relationships, however, taking your own advice and acting upon it - is a very different matter.

Lets discuss an example below

Imagine that you enter into an exciting new relationship. At the start of the relationship you are so focused on pleasing the other person that you allow many indiscretions to slide and avoid speaking up, for fear that you may be rejected or criticized. You compromise on things you would never suggest your friends compromise on (such as sleeping together before you're really sure about the relationship) and you allow things to be said that would normally upset you.

For a few months you keep up the act, but soon your self respect kicks in and you can no longer hold your tongue. Subsequently, at (most likely) inappropriate times, you explode and end up having a huge argument with your partner. Your partner then responds in a nasty manner because he/she is not used to this behavior. Your outburst is significantly different to the passive and supportive role you have been playing up to that point.

After the outburst you apologize profusely for your behavior and as a result avoid the conversation underlying the outburst. You revert back to passive behavior and, as expected, in time another outburst occurs. Eventually as a result of not having sufficient grounding in the relationship, your partner is confused and disheartened by your change in behavior and ends up leaving you.

Whilst in the example above, the partner would appear to have poor empathy, it is logical to expect anyone entering a new relationship to have low tolerance for change in one's personality. For a partner to enter the relationship as a positive and relaxed personality and then to turn into a nagger or display a temper personality would cause many people to wonder where their partner had disappeared to.

The solution to all this is to begin to face your fears and speak up when your inner voice tells you it's time to do so. Each step you move towards assertiveness takes you another step closer to removing passive aggressive behavior. The key to this change however, is believing that a small bit of discomforts is much more tolerable than losing yourself and not being true to yourself - simply to keep the peace.

How much are you willing to do to achieve your desires

How much time do you spend feeling frustrated, depressed and angry because other people seem to be able to achieve what you desire - so easily? If you look closely you will find that whilst others may have acquired your goals quicker than you, there will be many things that they desire which you obtained more easily and most likely with less effort. The privilege of success in every aspect of life is not simply given to you (some aspects of life will always be easier & harder - depending on your life circumstance). So, when you really desire something, some planning & determination goes a long way.

If something is feasible - then it is possible. It's that simple. Thus, if you're aiming to be a model and you're told you are not tall enough, you're trying to be an artist and you can't draw, or you're trying to be a professional singer and you can't hold a note, then yes it is probably time to learn more about where your best strengths really lie. However, most of your desires are things you know in your heart you CAN achieve. It's a matter of pushing through every struggle and knowing with every fibre of your being that you are closer than you think.

One of the other issues that often stops you from achieving your desires is having the right strategy/plan and following through with it - diligently.

So, let's say you are looking for a partner. The first part of your strategy is working out what type of person you're looking for. Then, working out where this type of person would hang out. For instance:

- If you love partying - attend the same parties
- If you love exercising - join a club within your area of interest
- If you love travel - travel in a tour group with singles in your age bracket
- If you love design - attend trade shows, seminars & workshops in your chosen area of interest

Therefore, your strategy is to put yourself in an environment where you will be meeting similar minded singles that you are likely to want to date. Then follow through with your action.

The last part of the action plan is believing you are good enough to receive it when it comes. So this means when you are speaking to people who can help you achieve your goal - acting in a calm and confident manner. Further, when positive opportunities present themselves, don't be afraid to say "yes". Avoid self sabotaging your success out of a fear of not being good enough.

Finally, it's very important not to compromise on your goals to please others. In the example above, don't make excuses for negative behavior. When striving for your goals be persistent, determined and self confident. In doing do, you will not place yourself in uncompromising positions to get there and you will be focused and ready to strive for success & accept it when it comes your way.

Believe that everything is possible & you deserve it. Then don't give up!!!

Happiness gained through enjoying the journey

From a very young age we are taught to aim high, look to the future and wait for happiness to arrive after we have achieved our goals. The consequence of thinking like this is that happiness is only ever short lived. When we reach these goals we are not taught the skills of appreciating and enjoying the pleasure of this success. Being future goal driven, we soon forget the successes we achieve (or forget the enjoyment we felt after achieving our goals). Our minds soon focus on the next thing we need to achieve in order to be happy. Then term "I'll be happy when..." Becomes all too familiar.

The problem with this type of thinking is that it's ingrained from a very young age. We are rewarded and encouraged for working really hard, achieving good grades, making the team, getting the partner and so on... However, these end points lend themselves to the search for new goals to fulfill our deeper need to achieve first - in order to find happiness.

As a result of happiness being attached to success, we often feel negative emotions such as depression and anxiety when we fail to reach the goals we set our for ourselves (or when we fail to meet others expectations). Thus, happiness becomes dependent on success.

What a difference a simple change in mindset could make!

Imagine the difference in your life if you could change your thinking to focus on the enjoyment of the present - the journey towards your achievements as well as the final success. Whilst it may take a little practice, changing your thinking simply takes dedication and persistence. The payoff to realizing how much happiness you have in your life right now (whilst simultaneously being excited about what the achievement of your goal will enhance in your life) is enormous.

According to the law of attraction, being in a positive state whilst traveling along the journey to achieve your goals will create a similar vibration and enhance the likelihood that you will achieve your goals. But more importantly, taking time to realize how great even small aspects of your life are right now gives you the opportunity to live your life, rather than waste it focussing continuously in the future and never really living in and enjoying the present moment.

A great way to start shifting your mindset is via making a mental list before going to bed every night of all the things you are happy about right now, such as:
- your physical body is alive and functioning
- your family (or certain members of it)
- your home (you have shelter, water & food)
- your mind (having the intelligence to create your own happiness)
- your job (you have the capacity to earn money)

This process is not about saying "I should just be satisfied with what I have". It's about acknowledging that despite your struggles, on balance you can find things to be happy about right now. You can then use these qualities to give you more strength and trust that you can and will achieve more in your life.