How much do you put up with in relationship?

It's interesting to note that one of the by-products of being a nice person and wanting relationships to work - is accepting less than you are worth just to either keep the peace, or to try to avoid the possibility of someone leaving you.

Women are the most likely candidates for this behaviour. Many women get drawn into the media hype surrounding age and babies and end up believing they have to meet someone before it's too late. Others interpret failed relationships as a reflection of being unworthy or unloveable. In both instances, when such women meet a potential partner, they put up with much more than they normally would, out of fear the relationship might end. 

All relationships need compromise, however this type of compromise refers to behaviours such as accepting friends and family you may not get along with, accepting hobbies and passions you may not find interesting and giving up things you love during times when a partner needs support. These compromises are very different to compromising on being treated with respect (eg accepting your partner regularly ignoring you, or not considering your feelings and needs) or compromising on trust (eg accepting your partner having an emotional affair, or accepting your partners hot & cold feelings towards you based on daily moods).

At the heart of every relationship there must be a strong foundation. Therefore, at the beginning of any new relationship you must be clear about your values and speak up when behaviours make you feel uncomfortable. 

I can recall being 16 years of age dating my first real boyfriend who turned out to be a very bad mistake on my behalf - we live and learn. Every time he would come to pick me up from home in his car, he would just beep the horn outside and expect me to run outside. One day, I thought to myself that I was not comfortable with this disrespectful behaviour. So, I waited and waited. Instead of walking up to the door, he drove off. When he arrived home he called me and was furious when I told him I wasn't going to be treated like that any more. Well, he soon leant and began to knock on the door to greet me and never again honked the horn outside. Whilst this relationship didn't work out, I gained huge respect for myself and I learnt how to stand up for myself without fear of consequence.

In all relationships, we must inform others of how we want to be treated. For instance, telling a friend you are not comfortable with her cancelling plans at the last minute regularly, or telling a child you don't appreciate being spoken to in an aggressive/sharp tone. These boundaries should not be compromised. When you allow yourself to cross that line you never feel good about it, regardless of how well you try to convince yourself there is an excuse or reason behind certain behaviours.

The key ingredient necessary here is self respect. When you respect and value yourself, you feel confident enough to trust that you will always have people who love you in your life. Thus, if others will only be with you if you devalue yourself, you can walk away with confidence.

We all want to be loved and cared for, but at what cost? By all means give of yourself to care for others, but never compromise on respect and trust. You deserve more.

For more support and inspiration visit:

Happy Life

www.happylife.net.au

Life Success coaching

http://www.lifesuccesscoachs.com

Help For Mums

www.helpformums.com(

How to have success dating when you're single

The dating scene has changed quite significantly over the past 20 years, partly due to our busy schedules and largely due to the boom in modern technology. Just look at mobile phones for instance. During my Masters Degree I investigated the social impact of mobile phone use and it was astounding how many respondents noted they would be anxious if they left home without their mobile phones. Yet, it wasn't that long ago that mobile phones did not exist.

Technology like the mobile phone has meant texting (which can be quite impersonal at times) has become the commonly used mode of communication in dating. Instead if picking up the phone to arrange a new date, potential couples often send text messages that can lead to misunderstanding, misinterpretation and upset feelings. The same applies to emails.

The unfortunate aspects of these newer technologies is that they are not very good at expressing intonation. Thus it's very easy to get offended by a text that reads "I have to cancel tonight". However, if you were able to hear how the person felt when he/she cancelled, you'd be less likely to take the cancellation personally. This is why it's a good idea to practice calling people rather than always texting - otherwise it's very easy to become anxious about having to make stressful phone calls in the future.

Online dating sites have also become common place these days. They provide a great opportunity to meet new people. However, I believe they need to be viewed with realistic expectations and with a reality lens in order to not be offended by other potential partners's (perceived) rejections. It's human nature that only certain people will be attracted to others, so you should not be offended if another person online is not receptive to you. Think about it this way, if you were to walk into a bar, it's highly likely that you would find 1 person in 20 attractive and then once you meet the person, there is the issue if whether you like his/her personality. The same applies online. Out of 20 potential suitors, you'll probably find 1 attractive and hopefully he/she will find you attractive and then you move forward from there. By changing your expectations and appreciating dating sites for what they can offer, you can achieve much more success with online dating.

In view of the changing nature of dating, it's important to be mindful that all relationships take time and effort. By taking a step back and allowing new relationships to develop slowly and organically (and not expecting every new relationship to be 'the one'), you can go with the flow and attract better relationships into your life.

Technology always has a good and bad side, but if you focus on its good qualities and use them to your advantage, you can have long term success with your dating efforts.

How much are you willing to do to achieve your desires

How much time do you spend feeling frustrated, depressed and angry because other people seem to be able to achieve what you desire - so easily? If you look closely you will find that whilst others may have acquired your goals quicker than you, there will be many things that they desire which you obtained more easily and most likely with less effort. The privilege of success in every aspect of life is not simply given to you (some aspects of life will always be easier & harder - depending on your life circumstance). So, when you really desire something, some planning & determination goes a long way.

If something is feasible - then it is possible. It's that simple. Thus, if you're aiming to be a model and you're told you are not tall enough, you're trying to be an artist and you can't draw, or you're trying to be a professional singer and you can't hold a note, then yes it is probably time to learn more about where your best strengths really lie. However, most of your desires are things you know in your heart you CAN achieve. It's a matter of pushing through every struggle and knowing with every fibre of your being that you are closer than you think.

One of the other issues that often stops you from achieving your desires is having the right strategy/plan and following through with it - diligently.

So, let's say you are looking for a partner. The first part of your strategy is working out what type of person you're looking for. Then, working out where this type of person would hang out. For instance:

- If you love partying - attend the same parties
- If you love exercising - join a club within your area of interest
- If you love travel - travel in a tour group with singles in your age bracket
- If you love design - attend trade shows, seminars & workshops in your chosen area of interest

Therefore, your strategy is to put yourself in an environment where you will be meeting similar minded singles that you are likely to want to date. Then follow through with your action.

The last part of the action plan is believing you are good enough to receive it when it comes. So this means when you are speaking to people who can help you achieve your goal - acting in a calm and confident manner. Further, when positive opportunities present themselves, don't be afraid to say "yes". Avoid self sabotaging your success out of a fear of not being good enough.

Finally, it's very important not to compromise on your goals to please others. In the example above, don't make excuses for negative behavior. When striving for your goals be persistent, determined and self confident. In doing do, you will not place yourself in uncompromising positions to get there and you will be focused and ready to strive for success & accept it when it comes your way.

Believe that everything is possible & you deserve it. Then don't give up!!!