Fear can cause great tragedy in life if not dealt with correctly

Fear can become the biggest evil on earth. Yet how easily it is ingrained in our minds from a very early age

From the moment of conception a mother begins to fear. She fears for the safety of her child. She fears she will not be a perfect mother, she fears her child may be hurt by others and so on... The energy of fear is being transferred to her child from this very early stage of life and continues to be ingrained in her child throughout life, in an effort to protect her child from harm. Yet, this very intention breads further fear in her child and often attracts the very negative fears that were her intention to be avoided through the constant reminder of how scary the world really is.

Whilst one can say that children need to be made aware of things and people that can hurt them, there are two ways to achieve the same outcome. The first is through fear and the second is through reasoning without fear. Our natural instinct as parents is to use fear. We assume if we scare our kids enough they won't engage in dangerous behaviors such as running across the toad without looking, swallowing dangerous objects and falling over and hurting their bodies. However, the imbedding of such fears subsequently leads to an internal belief that the world is a scary and dangerous place (the news also enhances thus belief by showing a very skewed perspective of the world as though only horrible things are happening every day).

On the flip side, if you choose to use calm reasoning with your children to help them understand that there is a reward for safe behaviors rather than always a punishment for unsafe behaviors, they will learn to use reasoned judgement and to live their lives in a way that values the 'self'. They will in turn not learn to fear any new experience and will also learn to not to fear things that appear to be different to them.

So many of life's tragedy's have been caused by fear of difference, yet at the core, we are all human beings. When we look at others we need to see the soul, not the exterior. This is where the true person lies.

If you are a parent, start to pay attention to how you may be installing fear in your child/ten. It is extremely easy to do, but it's never too late to begin to adjust how you explain potentially dangerous behaviors.

Breeding fear can also lead to retaliation, as children start to think you must be exaggerating. They test the boundaries even more because these fearful behaviors are potentially naughty and would be so exciting to engage in and get away with. So, the intention to keep your child safe can end up causing the reverse to happen.

As an adult, also be mindful of the way you were taught to fear things in your environment, such as crossing roads, the boogie man, sun burn, falling down, getting on a plane, wearing a seat belt, talking in church, laughing in class etc... The explanations behind these things will dictate how much you fear your current life and how you allow fear to hold you back from enjoying and succeeding in every aspect of your life.

Yes, be safe and keep your kids safe but be careful in the manner used to explain the reasons behind engaging in safe behaviors.

Why do you really want be healthy or lose weight?

It's very interesting to note the magnitude of weight loss products available on the market, yet more and more adults, adolescents and children are struggling with weight gain. So, what's missing?? There must be a piece of the puzzle missing.

Why does it seem to be so easy for some & yet so hard for others to stick to a balanced diet and fitness regimen? Those who find it easy may assume it's just as simple as making a decision to be fit and healthy, but this is not accurate. Often there are various underlying issues which make is much harder for some to achieve their health and fitness goals. I have yet to meet someone who didn't reach their goals because they were lazy!

What's the secret then to becoming a healthy individual: the answer lies in the reasons behind deciding to be healthy. When you're trying to shift behaviour, it's not enough to want it. It has to be imperative and there must be a significant consequence to not engaging in the desired behaviours that lead to heathy living. In other words you must feel that you have no choice - but change!

Once you have reached this point, then you can start to focus on how great you feel - as a way of sustaining motivation, because by this point it has become a way of life. At this habit stage, the routine if healthy living becomes automatic and enjoyable.

The secret thus lies in finding your crunch point. Figuring out - What's going to happen to you if you don't change your behavior today? You may take time to discover your drive. However, if you really want to live a long and successful life, you owe it to yourself to stop looking in envy at other people who are leading the life you really believe you should be living and then go for it.

Start thinking about the cost of living an unhealthy life in terms of the following:

-) money (how much do you end up spending on medical & alternative therapy trying to undo the damage you've caused by your unhealthy lifestyle?)

-) work (how many promotions are going to pass you by as a result of your lack of energy and lack of mental clarity?)

-) love life (how many potential and current partners are you going to self sabotage as a result of lacking in confidence)

-) health (how sick do you have to become before it really matters?)

... And so on

The more you focus your attention here, the more weight you will give to your reasons for changing your lifestyle. 

You owe it to yourself to life your best life & to live a long, happy & successful life

To find more inspiration visit Happy life at: www.happylife.net.au or www.helpformums.com

Coping with challenges in the office

How much do you value your work and how much validation do you seek from your job? One of the biggest traps you can fall into in your professional career is placing too much of your self worth on your performance and treatment within your office. 

It was not that long ago that primarily men went to work - just to pay the bills in order to enjoy their 'real' life outside of the office. Over time, the demands of modern life have driven both men and women into very stressful and demanding roles which mentally can be very difficult to leave at work once retired for the day. Modern technologiy also allows work to encroach on your personal life - if need be (or you set a precedent to allow it to enter into your personal life). 

As a result of the extended hours and pressures placed on you as a professional, it's highly likely that you will draw a great deal of your self worth, confidence and drive from the validation you receive from work. However, herein lies the major problem. Everyone at work is feeling the same pressures and thus you have to just hope you have a good manager who has the time and energy to give you praise and recognition for a job well done.

It is for this reason that the best option is to separate yourself emotionally from work. It is also important to see it for its inherent value - as an exchange of goods, services and ideas (hopefully) for the betterment of society. Whilst it is a basic human need to feel self-actual used through the pursuit of excellence, in order to maintain a high self-esteem it is much more beneficial for you to seek your validation internally first and then from the people you love and trust most. 

Yes it is important to feel valued and respected at work, however widen your net. By all means validation from your colleagues and from people you respect, however do not judge your self worth against these potential validations. The sad fact about many modern day offices is that it is often not until an individual leaves that senior executives really learn how valuable they were to their organization. Thus, a paucity of praise is more likely to reflect an office culture than it is to be an indication of your intelligence or ability.

Put work into perspective and regularly internally praise yourself for all the jobs you do brilliantly on a daily basis. After all, that little internal critic can at times be the harshest of all.

To find more professional inspiration or support visit: www.lifesuccesscoachs.com 

How does your behaviour impact on others?

One of the most interesting parts of the Myers-Briggs personality test is the Feeling 'F' versus Thinking 'T' scale. This scale rates how you make decisions in your life and within the world around you. In other words, when you are making decisions, do you consider facts more than feelings? 

Those who rate very highly on the 'T' scale often find it difficult to empathize with others because their decisions are based primarily on ration facts. Thus, at work they can struggle in management positions when it comes to addressing their staff, as their (at times) tactless and abrupt manner often offends. They tend to find it very difficult to sugar coat issues and to truly empathize with emotional problems they cannot relate to. These individuals are unfortunately often completely oblivious to their impact on the health and well being of their staff.

In contrast, this Myers-Briggs scale is particularly interesting when you consider those who rate highly on the feeling scale. Often people who are strong 'F's on the scale assume they are very considerate and kind towards others. However, these very people can be completely unaware of their negative behaviour towards other considerate and kind individuals. Because they base their behaviour so strongly on feelings, they can fall into the trap of assuming these nice people will simply accept their rudeness, disrespect, lateness and so on. A classic example of this is when they choose to make an effort to please those they are not confident around and thus ignore, pay little attention towards and neglect friends, colleagues and associates who they assume will just always be there for them. Usually, by the time they realise this person has had enough, the relationship has been tarnished beyond repair.

The most interesting aspect of this type of behaviour is that these very individuals are often the first to complain about being mistreated by others (usually by those very people they have tried so desperately to impress). The lesson for those bearing the brunt of this negative behaviour is to be assertive, to try to make the 'F' people aware of their behaviour and stop it before it completely tarnishes the relationship.

In work situations this happens all the time. Senior Managers who are not aware of, or do not consider, the impact of their decisions on their staff are often left wondering why their staff are not loyal, have a high turnover, or are no longer willing to work overtime to impress tho boss! When treated in a disrespectful manner, staff will eventually become disheartened and lose interest when treated with disrespect.

The moral here is that if you want positive relationships with the people you really care about in life to last - you have to make an effort and give these people the respect they deserve. Don't assume you can return their calls when you feel like it (eg after you've spoken to all the people you're trying to impress). Don't turn up late to social events without advising them or making up a lame excuse that you bumped into an old friend on the way. Don't repeatedly cancel at the last minute because something better came along or you've just lost interest. Don't assume you can get away with making little or no effort and they will always be there.

Life is all about balance and give and take. You get what you put in, so be mindful of those who perhaps you have been taking for granted and take this chance to tend to this relationship more closely.

10 Great Ways To Lose Weight

Every new diet or exercise program promises a new and innovative way to lose weight. However, the method in which you lose weight or get into shape really has little baring on your success. The way you think and feel are the real drivers of success.

So here are my top 10 ways to get back on track, to start losing weight and get into shape today.

1. Decide on why it's important to you

Just because you think you should be thinner is not motivating enough to sustain a healthy lifestyle, you need to know why you care - why it matters to you to be healthy. This means taking time to think about what it means to you to be healthy and how it will improve your life. In addition, you must be clear on the costs associated with remaining unhealthy.

2. Taste vs pleasure

There is a reason junk food appears to taste so much better than healthy good, when you are not used to healthy eating, or when you include too much junk food in your diet. There is a HUGE amount of money spent on research to ensure the taste is pleasing and addictive. Shifting from highly processed, high salt and high fat foods, to seemingly bland food can be very challenging. So, you must give your taste buds time to readjust. The more you cut back on these things and choose healthier alternatives, the more you start to appreciate and enjoy more natural flavours.

3. Top on mind

In order to be healthy it has to be top of mind, so that you don't slip back into bad habits when you forget to pay attention or your mood isn't quite right (eg during times of stress or hormonal changes). When you are focused on being healthy, you can incorporate behaviours into your life (other than eating quick-fix feel good foods) to address your moods. Keeping you focused on why you want to live a healthy life.

4. Stop feeling like you're not missing out

When starting to eat healthy it's very important to not feel as though you are being punished by thinking 'its horrible that I can't eat delicious food any more'. The idea is to want to eat healthily because you enjoy how fresh, clean and energetic you feel. Thus, you don't feel tempted to gorge on junk food in order to modify your moods or to satisfy a craving. You want to be able to enjoy treats when appropriate (eg celebrations), but be able to revert back to healthy eating again straight away.

5. Believe you can do it

Self belief is critical to your success. Use other examples of when you have set your mind to achieving a goal & succeeded in achieving it (eg saving for a holiday, changing careers, buying a new home) - to motivate you. This way, you can regularly remind yourself that when you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything.

6. Ignore well meaning others who want you to join them in their eating habits

Food and socializing are very closely linked, so people around you are going to try to encourage you to eat and drink unhealthy foods from time to time. The key here is to ensure there are delicious healthy dishes served that you can all enjoy together. In addition to you feeling less stressed about having to explain your new eating habits, the consumption of healthier food will lead to lighter conversation, more energy and increased fun.

7. Stop all or nothing thinking

As noted before, it's very important to be flexible with your eating habits so that if you end up eating more junk food than anticipated, you simply move on, rather than use it as an excuse to eat like crazy. Remind yourself that you are not being restricted. No-one is telling you what to do. You're eating healthy because you want to.

8. Be organized with meal preparation

Ensure you eat regularly throughout the day and that you have healthy meals prepared in advance to avoid picking up quick and easy high fat foods on the run. Take time each week to ensure you have sufficient healthy snacks in your bags, drawers at work and home pantry. Then, either arrange for someone at home to prepare your meals for you, or cook a few healthy meals at the start of the weeks and freeze them for those nights when you really can't be bothered cooking.

9. Prepare delicious alternatives

Eating healthy should never be boring. Log on to the Happy Life website at: www.happylife.net.au for some free delicious meals you can easily prepare.

It's really important to have a positive association with healthy eating, so be creative and prepare foods you enjoy. Don't just stick to the same old salad and soup diet. You want healthy eating to be a lifestyle, not a chore.

10. Get your family and friends involved

It's so much easier to sustain a healthy life if your family and friends are involved. You can involve them by arranging to engage in physical activity together, preparing healthy meals everyone can enjoy together, or by discussing what you are doing and asking for their support.

Remember

You are the only one in control of your destiny. Take control and live the healthier lifestyle you deserve today.

Feelings of rejection are in your control

Rejection comes in many forms:

- A partner letting you go
- A parent's neglect
- A friend's lack of respect, support or loyalty

These rejections can stay with you for days, week, months - even years and as a result they can negatively impact on your life.

Rejection is made up of 1 part: your interpretation of external behaviors and the other part: your expectation of people, circumstances and events.

With regards to the first part, we are often not trained from a young age to interpret the attitudes and behaviors of significant others accurately. For instance, parents rarely explain to their children that they are 'snappy' today due to their own underlying stress. As a result, children learn to interpret such behaviors as meaning there must be something wrong with them or that they have done something wrong.

With regard to the second part, your expectations also influence your interpretation of events. Thus, in the above example, children have the expectation that parents are there to love them unconditionally, so they need lots of reassurance that even when they misbehave or are spoken to in a less than patient manner - they are still loved.

In order to deal with rejection as an adults, it's important to have realistic expectations and to explain events accurately. Let's use a career example. When you put your heart and soul into work (as many people do), you are likely to have the expectation that hard work equals validation, recognition and financial rewards. However, this is not necessarily the case. Hard work gives you a better chance of attaining these things, however if you fail to take opportunities, voice your desire for financial incentives/promotions, or ensure the 'right' people at work are made aware of the great job you're doing, you are less likely to achieve the accolades you desire. Consequently you are likely to feel rejected by your employer and may even start to doubt your abilities as a result. However, in the event that you were passed on for promotion, you have the option of viewing this as a sign of your inadequacies, or instead to view it as a reminder that you need to tweak your work process. Thus, your interpretation of the outcome will also influence how rejected you feel in that moment.

The same principles can be applied in relationships. Often in partnerships individuals do not take the time to address issues that are important to them and end up losing too much of themselves in the partnership - for fear of losing the person, or simply to keep the peace. This giving so much of themselves can lead to an expectation of receiving the same or more in return. However, often such grandiose gestures are not reciprocated. This in turn leads to feelings of rejection, as the lack of similar support is viewed as a reflection of themselves rather than of their partners inadequacies.

In order to avoid feeling rejected, you must change your mindset. Whilst no one likes to feel hurt by another persons actions, the way you respond to this hurt will dictate whether or not you interpret the other persons behavior as a personal rejection or just a problem the other person may need to address within themselves - in other words its their problem - not yours!.

When is it your time to shine?

We often think we have all the time in the world to be who we want to be, live how we want to live and love who we want to love. However, days turn into months and months quickly turn into years and before you know it, it's never the right time to really start living.

Fear, stress, worry and self sabotage often stand in the way of you living the life you've always dreamed of. However, when you think about the fact that life has an ending - what are you really afraid of? The problem is, of course we don't want to think about our lives ending - nor should we dwell on it. However, using it as a little reminder that NOW is actually the best time to start living according to your true self, can be a powerful way of motivating yourself to change and improve.

What are you afraid of?

What holds you back from living your dreams?

Do you really know what your heart desires, or are you living a life in accordance with other people's values?

The answer to these questions are vital.

The first place to start on this journey is with your inner self. Shifting from negative thinking to positive thinking gives you the power and self belief that you can actually achieve your hearts desire.

With a clear vision of what you want in life and a more positive mindset, you can start to devise a plan for moving forward. Part of this plan involves evaluating what you are currently doing and checking that your current behaviors are in line with your desires. For instance, if you desire to have a close and loving family, but spend a lot of time at work rather than at home, you are not living in line with your true desire. Similarly, if you desire to attract and maintain the best partner for you, but you spend a lot if time self criticizing and avoiding social events, you are also living in contrast with your desires.

Now that you know which areas of your life need to be tweaked, you can work on developing a plan to match your desires and then commit to following through with this plan. So, if your desire is to have a close family, make sure you dedicate time every day to having fun, listening and laughing with your parents, siblings, children and/or partner. Similarly, if your desire is to attract and maintain the perfect partner for you, become conscious of your inner thoughts and challenge and reframe your negative thinking so that you always present your BEST you in social situations. Also, join a social of sporting club where you are likely to regularly meet potential partners that are right for you.

Take action every day to ensure you stay on the right path. Live for now - don't wait for the perfect time to start truly living.

Don't let life pass you by and particularly, don't waste your life feeling down because you haven't yet achieved your dreams. When you're following your plan, you are taking steps towards your ultimate desires - and that in itself is committing to living your dreams.

It's never too late to be true to yourself.

You can do it!