Learning to trust your instincts

The daily punishment you can place your body & mind under - as a result of constant negative feedback - can leave you with a lack of trust in your inner instincts. You can learn over time that it's not safe to trust that inner voice that tells you it's time to speak up (particularly when there is a chance you may get hurt). 

Why might you feel insecure in your ability to trust your instincts? 

Often this happens as a result of rejections and others letting you down. When you are rejected by someone you love you can easily learn (incorrectly) that you are not a worthy person and also learn that your instincts about this person were not accurate. You can begin to wonder if you really can trust your guidance system that has led you into a situation where pain has been the outcome. 

Add to this when those you care about regularly let you down, you can learn not to trust your inner guidance system who once again led you to these relationships. 

What we tend to quickly forget is that 99.9% of times your inner voice has tried to warn you about others who may not be the best 'fit' for you, but you have allowed your desires 'in the moment' to drive your behaviour and hence pushed forward with people who time and time again let you down. 

The question you need to ask yourself is "when will I start to realise the importance of listening to my instincts?"

When you repeatedly ignore your inner voice you leave yourself vulnerable. You are vulnerable to:

-) being hurt by those who do not truly show you the respect you deserve

-) ignoring potential errors that could lead to future problems

-) rejecting opportunities to stretch your wings and be the person you truly want to be

-) not standing up for yourself

-) others developing an inaccurate picture of you

So you can see, learning to pay attention when your intuition is trying to speak up, is vital to your overall health, happiness and success in life.

Start today! 

Start to listen to your inner voice. Don't rush into decisions. Give yourself time and permission to do things in your own time. Don't ignore your inner drives - particularly out of fear. Act - when your instincts tell you to speak up. 

Trust your instincts - one instinct at a time!

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.hapoylife.net.au

Fear can cause great tragedy in life if not dealt with correctly

Fear can become the biggest evil on earth. Yet how easily it is ingrained in our minds from a very early age

From the moment of conception a mother begins to fear. She fears for the safety of her child. She fears she will not be a perfect mother, she fears her child may be hurt by others and so on... The energy of fear is being transferred to her child from this very early stage of life and continues to be ingrained in her child throughout life, in an effort to protect her child from harm. Yet, this very intention breads further fear in her child and often attracts the very negative fears that were her intention to be avoided through the constant reminder of how scary the world really is.

Whilst one can say that children need to be made aware of things and people that can hurt them, there are two ways to achieve the same outcome. The first is through fear and the second is through reasoning without fear. Our natural instinct as parents is to use fear. We assume if we scare our kids enough they won't engage in dangerous behaviors such as running across the toad without looking, swallowing dangerous objects and falling over and hurting their bodies. However, the imbedding of such fears subsequently leads to an internal belief that the world is a scary and dangerous place (the news also enhances thus belief by showing a very skewed perspective of the world as though only horrible things are happening every day).

On the flip side, if you choose to use calm reasoning with your children to help them understand that there is a reward for safe behaviors rather than always a punishment for unsafe behaviors, they will learn to use reasoned judgement and to live their lives in a way that values the 'self'. They will in turn not learn to fear any new experience and will also learn to not to fear things that appear to be different to them.

So many of life's tragedy's have been caused by fear of difference, yet at the core, we are all human beings. When we look at others we need to see the soul, not the exterior. This is where the true person lies.

If you are a parent, start to pay attention to how you may be installing fear in your child/ten. It is extremely easy to do, but it's never too late to begin to adjust how you explain potentially dangerous behaviors.

Breeding fear can also lead to retaliation, as children start to think you must be exaggerating. They test the boundaries even more because these fearful behaviors are potentially naughty and would be so exciting to engage in and get away with. So, the intention to keep your child safe can end up causing the reverse to happen.

As an adult, also be mindful of the way you were taught to fear things in your environment, such as crossing roads, the boogie man, sun burn, falling down, getting on a plane, wearing a seat belt, talking in church, laughing in class etc... The explanations behind these things will dictate how much you fear your current life and how you allow fear to hold you back from enjoying and succeeding in every aspect of your life.

Yes, be safe and keep your kids safe but be careful in the manner used to explain the reasons behind engaging in safe behaviors.

Defining your relationship by how comfortable you are at communicating

It's interesting to note that whilst personal relationships should be the ideal place to communicate freely, it is in these relationships that you are most likely to experience the most fear in doing so. It is the fear of rejection (on any level) that leads to anxiety over displeasing others - and... This fear of rejection usually can be traced back to your relationship within your family.

The way in which you communicate and the level to which you feel free to speak up within your family has a direct impact on how you communicate within your friendships and within your intimate relationships. On a conscious level you are likely to be a great advice giver because you can see objectively the result of poor communication within relationships, however, taking your own advice and acting upon it - is a very different matter.

Lets discuss an example below

Imagine that you enter into an exciting new relationship. At the start of the relationship you are so focused on pleasing the other person that you allow many indiscretions to slide and avoid speaking up, for fear that you may be rejected or criticized. You compromise on things you would never suggest your friends compromise on (such as sleeping together before you're really sure about the relationship) and you allow things to be said that would normally upset you.

For a few months you keep up the act, but soon your self respect kicks in and you can no longer hold your tongue. Subsequently, at (most likely) inappropriate times, you explode and end up having a huge argument with your partner. Your partner then responds in a nasty manner because he/she is not used to this behavior. Your outburst is significantly different to the passive and supportive role you have been playing up to that point.

After the outburst you apologize profusely for your behavior and as a result avoid the conversation underlying the outburst. You revert back to passive behavior and, as expected, in time another outburst occurs. Eventually as a result of not having sufficient grounding in the relationship, your partner is confused and disheartened by your change in behavior and ends up leaving you.

Whilst in the example above, the partner would appear to have poor empathy, it is logical to expect anyone entering a new relationship to have low tolerance for change in one's personality. For a partner to enter the relationship as a positive and relaxed personality and then to turn into a nagger or display a temper personality would cause many people to wonder where their partner had disappeared to.

The solution to all this is to begin to face your fears and speak up when your inner voice tells you it's time to do so. Each step you move towards assertiveness takes you another step closer to removing passive aggressive behavior. The key to this change however, is believing that a small bit of discomforts is much more tolerable than losing yourself and not being true to yourself - simply to keep the peace.