How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

I've been asked this question a lot lately. It's a tough one because it's easy to lose hope in humanity and compassion during times of human suffering. For some reason those who deliberately hurt others are focused so much internally about their own desires that they either ignore or simply cannot see or do not want to see the pain in others - often resulting from a determination to punish the world for their own or family/friends personal suffering - the old 'an eye for an eye' mentality.

In times like these, the only thing we can hold on to is a belief that most of the people in this world are essentially good people who care about others. We Need to focus strongly on the good in the world to create as much positive energy through focussing even more on love, peace & compassion in our own lives and in the world around us. If we do the opposite and focus on all the evil and negativity in the world we feed that energy instead.

We also really need a more balanced view of the world. We complain about the media saying that it's skewed in the negative, but why is it so? Yes there are the conspiracy theories, however the media are essentially selling a product and research shows that negative news sells. Think about it - even the glamour magazines have articles about murders or the worst dresses or famous overweight people - or those without make-up. Why do we want to read this? Do we think it will make us feel better to see that someone who appears to have so much, really isn't that happy after all? Does it justify our misfortunes in doing so?

Of course we need to be informed of world events so we can do our best to create a better world and to help those who are suffering. Also we must advocate for those suffering that do not have a voice. However I believe we need to do this in a way that serves us better as human beings and does not make us angry & bitter about the world. We do not have to feed this negative energy and create even more negative energy. 

We cannot erase the past or justify it in any way. We must do what we can to help others also focus on the power we have to create a better world in the here and now. 

Each individual has the power to control their mind and visualise for 5 mins every day a peaceful and loving world. Research shows when people meditate in groups about peace, for that time, crime rates decline. So we do have power in these amazing minds - let's put them to good use. Every morning, every night & on public transport visualise peace, love and happiness. It's easy and can only improve your mood and life.

Allow yourself time to grieve and heal during painful experiences, but Don't lose faith in humanity. Trust in your goodness & in the goodness of most people on this earth. 

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life: www.happylife.net.au 

Self esteem tip: How to Stop Self Sabotage Save View

Does fear cause you to run away just when you seem to be getting what you want?

Low self esteem is often coupled with self sabotage. People often think self sabotage sounds crazy - how can you reject something you tell others and yourself that you want so badly? Yet self sabotage is REALLY common.

At work people self sabotage all the time. They complain for years about feeling unfulfilled, stressed and undervalued. However, when a job presents itself that has all the potential to resolve many of their current complaints, individuals will finds things that must be wrong with this potential opportunity and remain where they currently stand - unhappy and frustrated & wondering just when is life going to change. 

In relationships people also have a strong tendency to self sabotage. They feel lonely and are tired of attracting negative relationships into their lives, yet when the opportunity to meet someone new (without inherent complications) presents itself they allow fear to interfere with their behaviour. So they often avoid taking the first step and reject the opportunity to commence something new.

There is something safe about staying put! Even though people may hate where they currently stand, they know what this space is like - they know they can cope with the unpleasantness (getting enjoyment from the fantasy of a potential better life). However, it takes an incredible amount of courage to say "I don't care how scary the unknown is.. I want my desires & I'm going to take a chance to get them". 

Most people spend their lives in the mode of self sabotage. They avoid taking risks and instead live a life in fear and hence very unhappy.

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence 

Every step you take outside your comfort zone poses a potential risk. The key to overall happiness is how you interpret these risks and subsequently move on. For instance, taking a risk in the past on a new relationship that ended badly could either leave you feeling jaded and scared of ever taking the plunge with a new potential partner, or leave you healing past the pain and trusting that the right person for you is just around the corner. Similarly, taking a risk on a new business venture that failed could leave you either feeling like a complete failure, or challenge you to tweak things and get better (eg the journey of most successful business ple has stories of set-backs that inspired them to achieve even greater things).

You can choose to take controlled risks, or huge risks - that's a personal decision. I'm not suggesting you create risks and seek them out. Simply, when it comes to your inner desires, seize opportunities when they are presented to you. The Universe is responding to your requests, so seize the moments. 

Live the life that makes you happy. 

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence

Optimists creed

I came upon this creed and thought it was a wonderful thing to pass on and read regularly.

Enjoy...

The Optimist’s Creed

“Promise Yourself…

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about
your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press-on to the greater achievements
of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."

(From the book: “Your forces and how to use them” by Christian D. Larson

1912)

Which moments count most for you?

We talk a lot about the stages in grief and finally reaching the stage of acceptance to move on. Whilst one can move on after trauma, there are often triggers that bring up those sad feelings again. For me any song (and in particular 2 songs) by Radiohead remind me of my late brother in-law. My husband and I spent a lot of time with his brother listening to this beautiful music, so every time I hear these songs, I think of this time together. I am drawn to write this article, because as I sit here one of these songs is being played on the radio.

This relationship taught me a lot about how precious life is and how much we can take for granted. Being a Cancerian I have always been a family person. It means more to me than anything. However, I now really try to savour the moments I love with family, friends and loved ones. These are the moments that count.

A friend recently told me she was worried because she was going to miss an important meeting in order to attend a close relative’s funeral overseas. It didn’t take much convincing to help her to realise that the closeness of those you love is more important. Work can always be sorted out. We spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think of us, instead of trusting that we are doing our best and focussing on what is important. At the end of the day, in our final hours will we care about whether or not we made it to an important meeting, or more about all the special times we spent with those we love?

Yes, life demands a balance. As human beings we crave success, health and wellbeing – these all take time. However, the important thing is to ‘be present’ in the moments you have with people you care about. It’s all too easy to waste this time complaining about things that are bothering you. Save these complaints for specific times and have fun with those you love.

Take time out this week to tend to your relationships.

·         Email a friend you have been neglecting.

·         Skype a relative overseas

·         Pop in to visit a family member

·         Text a loved one to say you care or miss her

These precious times in your life increase your self-esteem and self-value and serve as wonderful memories throughout life. Yes they take time out of your busy schedule, but they are so...worth it.

 

Why does it seem so hard to take charge of your life ?

It's an interesting aspect of human existence that people would often rather remain in an unhappy environment rather than strive towards true happiness. Maybe this has something to do with our inherent mentality of "I'll be happy when..." - feeling defeated by the pain of the here and now.

If you think back in time to all the desires you longed for and finally achieved, how many of these do you re-focus on and remind yourself of how great you feel as a result of these achievements? Our brains seem to be wired to focus on thoughts such as "yeh I know I have that, but I don't want this present thing and therefore that's what I really want and then I will REALLY be happy". 

The sneaky truth is that there is never an end of the road because we will always be seeking new adventures, relationships, material pleasures. This is not a bad thing, however our assumption that these things will ultimately lead to happiness is flawed. 

As human beings we are meant to seek greater heights. We just need to accept this as a fantastic aspect of life, rather than a constant burden. We need to trust that we can map out the journey towards our goals and desires, but the road is likely to take many turns and when we reach our desired outcome we will question "what's next"??? 

Therefore the answer lies in being excited about your desires and trusting in your abilities to stand the test of time and pursue your dreams - riding the waves along the way! 

If you are in a situation or circumstance that is causing extreme unhappiness this focus is even more important. You need to trust in your abilities to get you there and focus on the excitement of small achievements along the way. Each achievement should get recognised and rewarded. For instance, having the discipline to sit down and study, completing a highly commended project, getting to gym 3 times this week, or eating healthy foods today. 

When you begin to relish in each achievement you gain closer perspective on how to enjoy the road ahead and appreciate each moment.

Life is to be lived, not wasted waiting until happiness falls upon you. It's your life. Live it & love it.

For more inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter at: @lohalloran72

Feeling tired? You might be emotionally drained

We tend to associate over tiredness with lack of sleep. It makes sense. Logically if you're sleep deprived you are going to feel tired. However, mental excursion is often at the route of daily tiredness and in fact is often the cause of sleep deprivation. 

Many people complain of sheer exhaustion and feeling Burnt out at the end of a hard day at work. As a result they associate the environment and actual job with tiredness. However, a lot of the tiredness comes from worrying about external factors, such as everything of their to-do list, their ability to perform a task in a particular time, or complete a job to a particular standard.

 

A 2012 article in the Psychology Today magazine defined feeling burnt out as:

"...a state of chronic stress and frustration that leads to:

• physical and emotional exhaustion; 
• feelings of cynicism and detachment; and
• a sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment." See: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201205/where-do-you-fall-the-burnout-continuum

Whilst you may not be experiencing all these symptoms, if you are regularly feeling mentally drained at the end of the day, it's time to start having a look at how you are processing information throughout your day. For instance, if you engage in a lot of negative thinking throughout the day (such as complaining about people that upset you at work), you are straining your mind and filling it with very draining thoughts. These thoughts then lead to negative feelings.

Office politics often results in employees feeling as though they are not being heard. They thus turn to each other for support and to vent. Whilst this can be helpful, regularly complaining about the same issues is detrimental to your health and rarely actually improves the issues being discussed. A better approach is to focus on what you can control and then take action to either rectify the issues internally in the current workplace, or start to make plans to move on. Staying where you are and complaining every day about it simply exhausts you mentally and physically.

If you enjoy your job but the workload is just too high, it's important to take time out from your current environment and make plans to set better boundaries and processes. Complaining about his much  work you have on your plate is highly unlikely to alter your situation because most people feel they are overworked in a busy workplace and with hence find it difficult to emplathise with you. Instead, be open about what you are capable of achieving. Set clear expectations and don't over promise to deliver work when you have the opportunity to set more realistic goals and expectations.

Each day make a commitment to first plan out your day and then operate in the here and now, rather than worrying about what you still want to do, or are dreading doing. Most importantly, when walk out of the office door - mentally switch off and leave your work stress where it belongs - back in the office. This simple process will begin to reduce negative mental stress and will provide you with more sustained positive energy throughout your whole day. It will also reduce the reliance on medication, stimulants and relaxants to get you through the day.

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter @lohalloran72  

Do you procrastinate out of fear of failure?

One of the most common reasons people procrastinate is because they fear if they try and do not succeed at achieving a desire, it means they either will never achieve it or they are inherently a failure as a person. As a result of such beliefs they are motivated to want a particular desire, but appear from the outside to be unmotivated to want to work to achieve it.

Getting into shape is a great example of this. Outsiders often assume that overweight (& unhappy) individuals are just lazy. However, it's much more complicated than that. Often when you are unhappy with your weight, you can convince yourself that it's going to be too hard to maintain it (eg thinking "what if I lose all this weight & then can't sustain the weightloss"?). The fear of failure thus results in overeating in an attempt to soothe negative feelings in the present moment when feeling like a failure, rather than engaging in actions to try to change the current circumstance.

The same analogy can be used for work. So often people will settle for jobs that do not fulfill them because they fear the potential failure that may befall if they step outside of their comfort zone (eg  thinking "what if I go for that job & don't get it?; "what if I audition for that show and don't get the part?"; "what if I put my hand up for that promotion and don't get it?"). These fears can easily result in remaining safely in a place where one can feel unfulfilled & just wish and pine over a future that is within thier grasp, but they are too afraid to try for.

In all these scenarios people are focussing on the outcome - the job; the weight loss; the promotion - rather than focussing on what's most important - being happy now on the present! The focus needs to be in the here and now because No matter how hard we try, we are never 100% in control of our outcome - that's what makes life so interesting.

The real key missing ingredient though is self belief. Before you attemp to achieve any new goal, you must increase your self belief. You must trust that you are the  best. You must also have high resilience because the road to achieving your desires is often met with bumps along the way. For instance, you may battle your internal negative thoughts, the disbelief others may have in you, financial setbacks, timing issues and so on. This is normal in any journey towards your desires because we are often competing with the thoughts and beliefs of others in our environment and these May conflict with your own desires. So, you must believe in yourself and believe you can and will persist in the face of any obstacles that stand in your way.

Once you feel the strength of your self confidence and trust in your resilience you can and will battle through any feelings of procrastination. You will trust that every step forward is a step in the right direction. You will know in your heart that your dreams are already achieved  in your mind & are on their way.

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au