Thursday, February 7, 2013

How to have success dating when you're single

The dating scene has changed quite significantly over the past 20 years, partly due to our busy schedules and largely due to the boom in modern technology. Just look at mobile phones for instance. During my Masters Degree I investigated the social impact of mobile phone use and it was astounding how many respondents noted they would be anxious if they left home without their mobile phones. Yet, it wasn't that long ago that mobile phones did not exist.

Technology like the mobile phone has meant texting (which can be quite impersonal at times) has become the commonly used mode of communication in dating. Instead if picking up the phone to arrange a new date, potential couples often send text messages that can lead to misunderstanding, misinterpretation and upset feelings. The same applies to emails.

The unfortunate aspects of these newer technologies is that they are not very good at expressing intonation. Thus it's very easy to get offended by a text that reads "I have to cancel tonight". However, if you were able to hear how the person felt when he/she cancelled, you'd be less likely to take the cancellation personally. This is why it's a good idea to practice calling people rather than always texting - otherwise it's very easy to become anxious about having to make stressful phone calls in the future.

Online dating sites have also become common place these days. They provide a great opportunity to meet new people. However, I believe they need to be viewed with realistic expectations and with a reality lens in order to not be offended by other potential partners's (perceived) rejections. It's human nature that only certain people will be attracted to others, so you should not be offended if another person online is not receptive to you. Think about it this way, if you were to walk into a bar, it's highly likely that you would find 1 person in 20 attractive and then once you meet the person, there is the issue if whether you like his/her personality. The same applies online. Out of 20 potential suitors, you'll probably find 1 attractive and hopefully he/she will find you attractive and then you move forward from there. By changing your expectations and appreciating dating sites for what they can offer, you can achieve much more success with online dating.

In view of the changing nature of dating, it's important to be mindful that all relationships take time and effort. By taking a step back and allowing new relationships to develop slowly and organically (and not expecting every new relationship to be 'the one'), you can go with the flow and attract better relationships into your life.

Technology always has a good and bad side, but if you focus on its good qualities and use them to your advantage, you can have long term success with your dating efforts.

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