Self esteem building tips: Every day is a great day for love

Special days like Fathers Day, Mothers Day and Valentines Day can bring up good or bad feelings depending on your personal relationships at the time.

Today is Fathers Day in Australia. Walking down  famous Chapel Street in Melbourne I was so touched by how many lovely young and old children I saw hugging their fathers and how many happy fathers I saw - just touched by the love of their family members. It really made me feel happy.

There were two main things that I took from this experience.

1) Days like this don't have to be about your dad if you don't have one, are not one, or are estranged from one. They are days to remind you that there is a lot of good in this world and you have people you love who also love you too - it's about focussing your attention here.

2) Whist we hear a lot of negativity, in general the human race is loving and kind. We generally have pretty good lives. There are always things to strive for, but we need to remember that there is kindness and love in our lives, despite what might be missing from time to time.

Sometimes depression strikes on days like this

In order to avoid feeling depressed on days like this and to ensure you can always maintain a high self esteem it's crucial to focus regularly on the love and fortune in your life. There is always some good to find in each day. If you prepare well for these events you can feel so much better. For instance, on Valentine's Day you could organise a nice outing with a close friend, on Fathers Day volunteer to help someone in need and on Mother's Day go to the movies and watch a comedy to bring on those feel good hormones.

Don't wait to feel better in order to do something to make yourself feel better. Take action when you need it most and find the best ways for you to improve your self esteem and sell worth- particularly on days that can trigger painful memories. Be prepared and be kind to yourself too.

To find out how you can build your self esteem visit: www.selfesteemonline.com.au

How to get your baby to sleep - innovative ideas

As a new mum it's highly likely that you heard about sleep deprivation but never really understood it until now. It would be great if all babies just fell asleep when they were tired but the reality is that all babies are different and most babies need some form of assistance from you as the new mum to help get to sleep and to stay asleep (download my free parenting ebook that details how to parent with child temperament in mind here). 

When it comes to your baby sleeping there are two very important motivations - 1) to give your baby a rest and 2) to give you a rest. The second point is vital for both your sanity and for your ability to parent in a calm, rational and safe manner. So bearing this in mind there a few things you need to decide on:

A) am I prepared to let my child cry it out?

B) will my baby even respond to crying it out (see the child temperament ebook to understand that some babies won't)

C) Do I care if my child does not sleep in a cot - eg co-sleeps safely?

D) what does my child need to go to sleep - eg comfort, reassurance, food?

E) am I prepared to relax my expectations and do what I think is right for us, rather than worrying about what I think will make others happy?

Now, besides all the usual things by now you know to look out for in your baby (eg first signs he/she is tired - like pulling ears and hair or yawning) there are a few extra things you can do to help your baby sleep - once you have addressed A - E above.

1) If your baby has a sore tummy due to excess wind, try picking her up and with one hand gently on the lower tummy gently bounce her/him to allow the wind to move down and pass through. You can also try rubbing the tummy or gently holiding both feet and rocking the legs up and down and side to side to pass the wind. Both my girls had lots of wind and these methods worked for them. We also used a natural product called Colic calm which we found very beneficial.

2) if your baby is regularly waking up he/ she may just need extra comfort. Here you have several options. 

-) invest in a baby sling so your baby can sleep with you and you can still get on with your day. Personally I have used the Baba Sling for both of my kids and I love it because it's adaptable up to 2 years of age and has freed me up to have a normal life whilst my girls have received the comfort they need.

 

 -) if your baby keeps waking up, check if your baby has a wet or dirty nappy. Some babies really feel uncomfortable so need to be changed more often. Keep the nappies close to the cot and sleep baby in a grow bag so it's quick and not too disruptive to change the nappy at night.

-) ensure your baby has had enough to eat so she's only waking up when expected. When your baby gets older make sure you leave at least an Hour between the last meal and bedtime to avoid a sore tummy, when you're baby is smaller though keep her in a more inclined position in bed, the pram etc to avoid excess wind. For instance place an extra folded blanket under the head of the mattress to incline the top only slightly so your baby won't roll to the bottom of the bed. Remember to always follow SIDS sleeping guidelines so your baby is save and don't place any blankets on top of your baby which could cover his head.

-) with a baby who needs extra comfort it's all about either giving in to co-sleeping (again ensuring you're following SIDS safe sleeping guidelines) or investing in a cot that you can place next to your bed so you can gently roll your baby over to the open cot next to you without you baby realising. I highly recommend the Bednest Bedside Cot. Not only is it beautiful, it serves this purpose perfectly.

There are lots of things you can do to ensure you get some sleep and your baby does too. The important thing is to not get stressed if your baby doesn't just gently drift off to sleep. Your baby has spent months close to you, so it only makes sense that he/she may need some assistance to get to sleep. Be kind to yourself and be patient. You may need to try a few different things before you get it right. 

If you're a new mum and you feel you need some more personalised support, contact me at info@happylife.net.au to book in a private session or visit https://www.selfesteemonline.com.au/products/coaching_for_new_mums for more information about Coaching for New Mums

Lizzie O'Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac

Which moments count most for you?

We talk a lot about the stages in grief and finally reaching the stage of acceptance to move on. Whilst one can move on after trauma, there are often triggers that bring up those sad feelings again. For me any song (and in particular 2 songs) by Radiohead remind me of my late brother in-law. My husband and I spent a lot of time with his brother listening to this beautiful music, so every time I hear these songs, I think of this time together. I am drawn to write this article, because as I sit here one of these songs is being played on the radio.

This relationship taught me a lot about how precious life is and how much we can take for granted. Being a Cancerian I have always been a family person. It means more to me than anything. However, I now really try to savour the moments I love with family, friends and loved ones. These are the moments that count.

A friend recently told me she was worried because she was going to miss an important meeting in order to attend a close relative’s funeral overseas. It didn’t take much convincing to help her to realise that the closeness of those you love is more important. Work can always be sorted out. We spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think of us, instead of trusting that we are doing our best and focussing on what is important. At the end of the day, in our final hours will we care about whether or not we made it to an important meeting, or more about all the special times we spent with those we love?

Yes, life demands a balance. As human beings we crave success, health and wellbeing – these all take time. However, the important thing is to ‘be present’ in the moments you have with people you care about. It’s all too easy to waste this time complaining about things that are bothering you. Save these complaints for specific times and have fun with those you love.

Take time out this week to tend to your relationships.

· Email a friend you have been neglecting.

· Skype a relative overseas

· Pop in to visit a family member

· Text a loved one to say you care or miss her

These precious times in your life increase your self-esteem and self-value and serve as wonderful memories throughout life. Yes they take time out of your busy schedule, but they are so...worth it.

To boost your self esteem and self confidence visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au

 

Low self esteem and depression

Depression is one of the most common conditions of the modern era. There are a  number of theories as to why depression is so widespread, for instance it had been proposed that the stressors and expectations of modern life leave many people feeling disheartened, lonely and unhappy. We have created a world where appearance and success seem to matter more (or affect people's judgements of others) for than the most important virtues of life - kindness, respect, love and trust.whatever opinions we have on these material things, they have resulted in a lot of societal pressure. 

Mothers have never felt more pressure to try to be perfect and raise perfect children. Professionals have never felt more pressure to move up the Corporate ladder. When life is going well these drives are very positive, but when certain set backs arise then depression can quickly set in and all the inroads to gain self confidence and build self-esteem in order to succeed are suddenly quashed by waves of depression and feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

So how do you cope with depression after pregnancy or depression at work?

One of the keys to raising out of depression initially must involve a change in your physical body. This is where medication has its place. When you reach severe depression it can be very difficult to see beyond your current state to get help. You need to get to a state where you can be receptive to help offered and can think clearly to manage the issues causing your depression. However, anti-depressants must be taken for a period of time and as with all medication - have particular side effects, such as weight gain. These side effects can result in further negativity so if you're going to take medication its vital that you see a trained therapist as well so that you can manage the medication with continuing therapy.

In terms of non-medical options, there are a range of herbal remedies for depression, including elixirs and acupuncture which can boost your mood. Exercise is a key element to reducing depression too because it releases feel good hormones. Feel good foods like tuna are essential too as they release serotonin which also boosts mood. 

By enlisting a friend or partner to encourage you to engage in these positive activities when you feel you are heading towards depression, you can more readily take control of your life and take active steps to treat depression after pregnancy and depression in the workforce.

Find out more 

In this YouTube video Lizzie O'Halloran coaches further on issues underlying postpartum depression and work related depression: https://youtu.be/jH2ZOlsn038 

If you're experiencing depression visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au

Are you struggling with low self esteem?

Your self esteem is the key element in your life that directly affects your overall health and wellbeing. Without a strong self esteem your relationships struggle, your work suffers, your dedication and motivation to eat healthy and exercise are impaired, your finances are ignored and so on. 

You can't just turn on your self esteem. It takes a commitment to change negative thinking and subsequent feelings. These two things directly and significantly alter your self esteem. So this is where you need to begin.

Start by paying close attention to your internal language. 

How are you speaking to yourself and what things do you say about yourself out loud? - eg comments like "I'm such an idiot" are a very common and destructive thing people tell themselves all the time. Not only is it damaging to your self worth, but it's completely untrue. 

Each time you catch yourself saying negative statements about yourself, stop and question what you're saying and then reframe your statement. Eg instead of saying you're an idiot when you make a mistake, tell yourself "yes, I made a mistake, but I'm human. Everyone makes mistakes. I'll learn from this one and get better". This is a more accurate statement and it's not damaging to your self esteem.

It takes time and effort to catch yourself in these moments of negative thinking but it is vital to reframe your language in order to feel better about yourself. The key though is that you must choose new statements that you actually believe. There is no point telling yourself something that simply isn't true.

To boost your self esteem today visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au today 

Reduce your stress this Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a time for kindness, fun and love. Unfortunately it is often the opposite for many people, because instead of focusing on the blessings in life, it can pose a time to focus on lack - particularly when loved ones have been lost, are sick or are no longer on speaking terms. 

The true meaning of Christmas is signified beautifully in this early definition found in The American magazine, vol. 28 (1889), pg 742:

"to give up one's very self — to think only of others — how to bring the greatest happiness to others — that is the true meaning of Christmas"

Modern life has confused the true meaning of Christmas with the size, quality and number of Christmas presents you give and receive. But the true meaning of Christmas lies in the warmth and love you can bring to your life and to the lives of those you love during this festive season. 

Just think about the difference you could make to your Christmas table by taking the time to write or tell those you love how much you care about them.

 If money is an issue, think about giving cheaper gifts that will create a special memory for others, like home baked cookies wrapped in nice paper, a beautiful Christmas Tree ornament, or a poem written in beautiful paper and laminated. These things will be remembered much more than expensive trinkets. 

This Christmas also take time to bring warmth back into your home. If you are musical, choose a new song to sing/play each year, or create fun games to play like sherades to break the ice and detract from negative energies. 

Don't make presents the centre of attention - make little cards with one word that signifies what the person means to you & attach these to your gifts. 

 Focus on the blessings you all have in your life. Ask each person to say 1 thing they are grateful for and one thing they are excited about in the New Year. Change the focus and mood by playing happy and fun Christmas music. 

Make this a Christmas to remember - for all the good reasons!

If you don't celebrate Christmas still take the time to focus on your blessings and on those you love. Make someone you love a card that tells him/her how much you care and appreciate having this person in your life.

Life will always be filled with ups and downs. If you are feeling a loss at Christmas - turn it around as much as possible. Remember the good times and what you are grateful for right now. It's not easy, but if you give thanks at the same time that you grieve, the pain will be just that bit more tolerable.

Focus on love and more love will come...

For more support contact Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

Or email at: info@happylife.net.au

Learning to trust your instincts

The daily punishment you can place your body & mind under - as a result of constant negative feedback - can leave you with a lack of trust in your inner instincts. You can learn over time that it's not safe to trust that inner voice that tells you it's time to speak up (particularly when there is a chance you may get hurt). 

Why might you feel insecure in your ability to trust your instincts? 

Often this happens as a result of rejections and others letting you down. When you are rejected by someone you love you can easily learn (incorrectly) that you are not a worthy person and also learn that your instincts about this person were not accurate. You can begin to wonder if you really can trust your guidance system that has led you into a situation where pain has been the outcome. 

Add to this when those you care about regularly let you down, you can learn not to trust your inner guidance system who once again led you to these relationships. 

What we tend to quickly forget is that 99.9% of times your inner voice has tried to warn you about others who may not be the best 'fit' for you, but you have allowed your desires 'in the moment' to drive your behaviour and hence pushed forward with people who time and time again let you down. 

The question you need to ask yourself is "when will I start to realise the importance of listening to my instincts?"

When you repeatedly ignore your inner voice you leave yourself vulnerable. You are vulnerable to:

-) being hurt by those who do not truly show you the respect you deserve

-) ignoring potential errors that could lead to future problems

-) rejecting opportunities to stretch your wings and be the person you truly want to be

-) not standing up for yourself

-) others developing an inaccurate picture of you

So you can see, learning to pay attention when your intuition is trying to speak up, is vital to your overall health, happiness and success in life.

Start today! 

Start to listen to your inner voice. Don't rush into decisions. Give yourself time and permission to do things in your own time. Don't ignore your inner drives - particularly out of fear. Act - when your instincts tell you to speak up. 

Trust your instincts - one instinct at a time!

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.hapoylife.net.au

Believe in your dreams and you will succeed

Self Belief is the key to your success!

You don't have to have self confidence in every aspect of your life to be successful or happy - BUT you DO need to have self belief in the areas you strive to succeed in. This is why you can be very successful in your career but feel lost in your relationships. Self belief is situation specific.

If you are regularly self sabotaging yourself or feel like a failure in a particular area of your life, take a close look at your level of self belief in this area. For instance if you haven't succeeded in your career - do you doubt your abilities? Do you allow internal or external circumstances to impact on your self confidence? If you have not succeeded in your desire to attract a long term partner - do you doubt your level of attractiveness? Do you believe you really deserve to be treated with love and respect? Do you think you have enough to offer a partner? Do you fear rejection? 

These questions must be answered and dealt with in order to increase your self belief and to drive you to continue to work towards achieving your desired goals. 

If you have established a desired goal, there MUST be a strong part of you that believes you deserve it and can actually achieve it, otherwise you wouldn't even try. However, often life circumstances negative thoughts, doubts and insecurities get in the way of these beliefs and curtail your efforts to succeed.

You must leverage on the inherent belief that you can and will achieve your desires! You must trust that your mind is smart enough to know not to create a desire that it believes is not achievable. Thus, it's important to recognise that you know deep down that your goals are achievable for you.

In order to trust your inner beliefs you must learn to ignore and challenge the negative beliefs and expectations of others and yourself. Those who care for you will not want you to struggle and hence may encourage you to push away your dreams. Those who are jealous of you may try to diminish your confidence. You internally may compare yourself to others who have already achieved success and be influenced by self doubt.

The key is to regularly remind yourself that your goals are achievable for you. With persistent effort and determination you will achieve your dreams at the perfect time for you. It's important to trust this.

So... The process of your journey is to map out your plan for success, regularly remind yourself of why you will achieve your goals and then focus in the moment on each step as you get closer and closer to your desires.

If your dreams are truly conceivable for you, they are achievable!

To find more inspiration and build your Self Esteem visit www.slefesteemonline.com.au 

If you want to create a peaceful world, start creating peace internally

We all search for peace. We want peace in the world, peace in our homes, peace at work, peace with our loved one, but we often forget about the importance of inner peace. In order to truly create a peaceful world we must begin with creating peace within ourselves. 

Many of us spend our daily lives riddled with moments of anger:

-) Anger at the violence and negligence we read/hear about in the news

-) Anger at people we believe have been rude to us

-) Anger at things for breaking down

-) Anger at those who have hurt us in the past

-) Anger about not reaching a desired goal

...... And so on

When you think about it, there is a lot you could potentially be mad about throughout the course of your day. The problem with holding on to anger though is that anger and resentment are two of the worst things you can do to your health and happiness. 

Collectively as a nation, so much anger cannot be good energetically to create a peaceful world. How can we expect peace in the world when we live our lives riddled with anger. Our only saving grace is the balance we create with love, laughter and fun. Just imagine how great your world would be to live in if there was much more of this joy and much less anger.

In order to create a peaceful world we must start within ourselves by altering our mindsets and perspective on life. Here are some examples of things you could do to increase peace in your life:

**Instead of focussing on how much you hate your boss, focus on feeling sorry for his/her negative attitude & then focus on your goals and doing your best

**Instead of getting angry with yourself for not following through on actions towards a desired goal, start to believe in your ability to motivate yourself and do anything small right now

**Instead of living your life in fear, focus on peace and harmony in the world

**Instead of focussing on how upset you are over another person's rude behaviour, trust in your own actions and focus on being true to yourself

We all have the power to change our lives and to alter the world around us by simply focussing on peace and happiness. Use your power every day to create the life you truly desire and deserve.

To learn how to build self confidence and gain self esteem visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au

Folloe us on Twitter @lohalloran72

Five ways to reduce stress at work

It's easy to say "just relax", but when you're feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to run first, you need a few quick fixes to get you back on track as quickly as possible. Below are a number of quick and easy ways to reduce stress whilst you're at work:

1) Write things down

Often the feeling of being overwhelmed comes from having too much in your mind and hence relying on your memory to get you through. The worst part of neglecting to write thins down is that your mind continuously reviews your list if tasks and in turn increases your anxiety over "all the things you still have to do". 

Take 5 minute to write down everything that's racing through your mind. It doesn't matter how small. The idea is to get these thoughts out of your mind and on to a notepad where you can refer to them later.

2) Take a break

You might think you don't have time to take a break, but the reality is if you take a short break (even 15 mins) and go for a walk, you will come back more refreshed, thinking much more clearly and feel like you can cope much better with the demands of your day. I would suggest taking some music to listen to and walking alone. If you want to walk with a friend make sure you avoid talking about work or stressful things in general, otherwise you're not having a proper mental break.

3) Eat slowly

When you're in a rush it's tempting to eat quickly to save time. However eating quickly can increase your heartbeat and cause digestive issues which will of course end up making you feel sick and even more stressed.

All you need is 5 minutes to just chew slowly and mindfully. In a way this becomes a little mental break. Once again avoid reading work related material whilst eating and avoid working with one hand and eating with the other.

4) Breathe 

The most obvious thing that happens when you're stressed is your heartrate increases and you begin to breathe very rapidly. Make sure you are conscious if your breath and slow down. You will work much more efficiently in this state, than if you allow your heartrate to race too rapidly.

5) Listen to some relaxing music 

Whilst you're engaged in something not too mentally taxing (like checking emails), listen to some relaxing music such as Bebel Gilberto's music. Take the music in and calm yourself down. 

Feeling calm in the workplace is essential for high performance, so don't dismiss it. Feeling calm you will feel much more in control. A simple 5 minute activity can settle you down and help you to think much more clearly - something that is often negatively impacted when stressed.

For more support or inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

Follow us on Twitter: @lohalloran72

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Why best friendships in a partnership are so important

I've spoken a fair bit about how easy it can be to take those close to you for granted. This common mistake happens regularly in intimate relationships and within close friendships/families and often ends in broken hearts. 

The craziness of modern life can often lead to placing your focus in the wrong place, assuming that those you love will always be there. However, when we look at our heirachy of importance in relationships, those we care deeply for must come first or at least be tended to regularly, in order to sustain a healthy relationship.

Whilst attracting the right partner can seem like the toughest part, maintaining a healthy and happy relationship that stands the test of time is much harder. The underlying foundation of relationships with such longevity is true friendship - being best friends, feeling attracted to each other and feeling comfortable in open and honest communication.

Wedding planners often tell me it is not uncommon these days for a couple to spend around $100,000 on a wedding. It's no wonder when you think about the fact that the idea of the romantic wedding is engrained into children from a very young age. Yet, the statistics show that there is a 50% divorce rate, indicating that these unions have a 50% chance of breaking up. 

Whilst there are a number of reasons why marriages fail, one reason is that partners are not the best of friends before walking down the isle (or committing to each other in a de-facto relationship). Part of being best friends involves enjoying spending time together, looking forward to seeing each other/speaking to each other and committing to being a team. Many individuals within a partnership can't wait to spend time with other people in their lives who appear to be more fun (eg avoiding a nagging partner at home). In doing so resentment builds up and couples move further and further away from friendship - and eventually the demise of their relationships.

If you're currently in a committed relationship take time to really look at your partner regularly and remind yourself of why you fell in love in the first place. Think about what first attracted you to each other, focus on how you would feel if you ever lost this person. It's vital to get in touch with these feelings regularly so that you never lose sight of what's really important to you.

If you are single, or in a new relationship ensure you look for a compatible partner that you are attracted to, but most importantly that you truly like spending time with, in order to develop a true best friendship over time. Begin with a great foundation and you will develop a partnership for life that can stand the rest of time.

For more inspiration visit Happt Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter at: @lohalloran72 or on Instagram at: lohalloran1

Are you really being rejected or do you just think you might be???

You can spend an aweful amount of time believing that you have been rejected by someone when in fact you are the one who has made a conscious effort to walk away from a person you know is behaving in a manner that is not healthy for you. 

Your gut instinct is a good indicator of appropriate behaviours. However often human beings interpret inappropriate behavior towards them as a reflection of another persons feelings towards them, when in fact the negative behaviours are a reflection of issues and circumstances rather than feelings. 

For instance, a child may interpret a father distancing himself when entering into a new relationship after a divorce as a sign he no longer loves her. However, the behaviour is not reflective of his love for his child. It is a reflection of circumstance - eg as a result of entering a new relationship in which the new partner wants him to distance himself from his child, he no longer has the strength to maintain the same close relationship with his daughter. The daughter in turn gets upset and begins to distance herself from her father because she no longer wants to get hurt. 

In this example the daughter is likely to think that her father has rejected her and no longer loves her. However, the truth is really that she has decided she does not want a superficial relationship with her father and as such has decided to walk away. Her father simply cannot give her what she wants - in his current world of experience. His behaviour has nothing to do with his feelings towards her. He still loves her the same amount. His behaviour has just changed - not his feelings.

The way you interpret the behaviours of others in your life directly impacts how you perceive yourself and your level of overall happiness in life. For instance you may interpret that a friend who always waits for you to invite her out (& rarely invites you first) doesn't really like you. However, this is not likely to be true. In fact her behaviour is most likely the result of her being too busy and just relying on you to be the 'organiser' within the relationship. In this situation, you then have the right to decide if this is the type of relationship you would like and to voice your feelings about the current situation. The worst thing you can do is just sit back and make false assumptions about how she feels about you and hence leer your self-esteem.

So really think carefully before you interpret someone behaviour as a rejection of you. It's important to be mindful of you perceive others because it directly impacts how you feel about yourself and often our assumptions about how others feel about us are completely untrue.

For more support follow us on twitter at: lohalloran72 or visit us online at: www.happylife.net.au or www.helpformums.com.au

Mapping out goals is crucial to personal & professional achievement

Do you have desires but find yourself self-sabotaging your success by not following through? 

The main 2 reasons goals are not realised are:

1) no clear roadmap for success

2) no commitment to the roadmap

Designing a roadmap to achieve your desires is extremely important, yet is often not undertaken, because it takes time. 

Let's take a common goal: weightloss/fitness. 

Most people who want to lose weight, but do not take the time to map out exactly what they have to do & how these requirements can fit in with current personal and professional commitments. So, even if they purchase a good plan (eg a weightloss program) they have not taken the time to adjust the program to make sure the requirements are achievable in view of current life commitments to work, home life, family and friends.

Another common example is in business. Many individuals have a desire to start a new business venture but do not take adequate time to write out and stick to a regularly updated business plan. They also do not take time to think about short/medium/long term goals and how these are going to be achieved - devising a plan for current gaps & business requirements in order to realise their dreams.

The second aspect - commitment is even more vital.

So often people say they want to achieve a goal but are not fully committed to it. In their heirachy of importance, they think it's up the top, but in reality the goal regularly takes a back seat to other priorities. In such instances individuals need to spend time thinking about whether the goal really is that important to them right now - in view of other commitments that continue to take precedent. If they don't take time to do this, they regularly feel depressed about not achieving a currently unrealistic goal. However, if they take time to really assess their level of commitment, they can discuss their desires with others in their life and accommodate requests accordingly.

It's easy to look at other successful people who have what you want and feel sad about your lack of success. However most of the time there has been planning and commitment behind their successes & this part is often forgotten. 

Take the time to map out your goals and then commit to each stage of your journey, so you can live in the moment & feel good about the fact that each step you commit to take along your journey takes you one step closer to your goals.

To find out How to improve your self esteem Click on this link, or visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au 

How often do you learn your life lessons from positive or negative life events?

We are often thinking about what we are missing in life and about all the tragic experiences we hear in the news and from people all around us. As a result we end up learning most of our life lessons from painful life experiences and often neglect to learn from our positive life experiences. In fact, we tend to disqualify and ignore most of them. Our focus is often in the wrong places as we absorb all the pain of life's hurtful events and forget to truly and regularly absorb the pleasure of our successes, our relationships and our daily achievements.

BUT WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF YOU CHOSE TO LEARN PRIMARILY FROM ALL THOSE POSITIVE LIFE EVENTS?

For example, what if you absorbed how kind, respectful, thoughtful and considerate all those people you encountered today were, rather than absorbing how rude one person was to you today? What if you focussed on that one person who smiled at you today, opened the door for you, gave way to you at a busy intersection, allowed you to order your coffee first, supported you when you were feeling nervous, gave you directions, or pressed the light for you at a pedestrian crossing? What if you focussed on how nice your close friend was for listening to you talk about your most recent problem, rather than leaving this experience still focussed on how tough your life is as a result of this problem?

All these little life events often go unoticed and unaknowledged, yet they have the power to teach you (in abundance) what a valuable person you are on this earth.Your value in life and your successes needn't be measured by the small number of negative events you encounter in life.

Yes, there are negative things happening all around us. However, we often assume life is terrible because we completely ignore, or do not trully take in how many multitudes of great (positive) things are happening all around us on a minute-by-minute basis. You just have to start paying attention and taking it in - REGULARLY....

Of course we are all human and when we hear about tragic events, we feel pain. However, we have a choice in how we interpret these events. Often the interpretation is that the world is a horrible and negative place. BUT.... this is categorically not true. For every negative events there are countless positive events. We have just been trained to primarily absorb and learn from these negative expereinces. However, we must learn to pay attention to all the positive life lessons we have surrounding us.

Instead of getting upset about being kept waiting for an appointment, focus on how nice the person who served you was once you were attended to. Instead of focussing on the one rude person who cut you off in traffic, focus on the 15 kind people who either smiled at you, gave way to you, or didn't cut your off. Instead of focussing on your one friend who is neglecting you, focus on the other friends who are being kind to you and supporting you. Instead of focussing on your family member who is being disrespectful to you, focus on the 10 other family memebers who are being kind to you. Instead of focussing on your lack of intimacy, focus on all the affection you do receive (e.g. from your children, parents, friends).

I am not suggesting you live in denial and ignore your painful life experiences. The main message here is to not become obsessed by them and learn (incorrectly) that they are a reflection of you or society at large. When negative things occur to you personally, or you are affected by the pain and suffering of others, you have to allow yourself time to grieve and reach a level of acceptance. When these events occur though, you have the option of either allowing them to convince you that they are a reflection of how negative society and people in general are on this earth. OR... you can choose to understand that these events are a part of life and do not reflect the nature of most people living on this earth. In fact, most people are kind and loving. Most people care about the wellbeing of others. However, at times, negative experiences occur and we must cope accordingly.

The mistake human beings often make is learning negatively from negative life events and failing to learn positively (to balance out the negatives) from positive life events. If you spent most of your time focussing on the positive things around you, you would be able to assess more clearly negative life events for what they are and not draw negative conclusions about yourself and the world around you as a result of these events.

Take time to pay attention to the world around you. Don't miss out of the many opportunities you have to observe happiness, kindness and generosity all around you. Give yourself the chance to have a more balanced and accurate picture of the world around you. It might take concentration, but it is so worth it!

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

I've been asked this question a lot lately. It's a tough one because it's easy to lose hope in humanity and compassion during times of human suffering. For some reason those who deliberately hurt others are focused so much internally about their own desires that they either ignore or simply cannot see or do not want to see the pain in others - often resulting from a determination to punish the world for their own or family/friends personal suffering - the old 'an eye for an eye' mentality.

In times like these, the only thing we can hold on to is a belief that most of the people in this world are essentially good people who care about others. We Need to focus strongly on the good in the world to create as much positive energy through focussing even more on love, peace & compassion in our own lives and in the world around us. If we do the opposite and focus on all the evil and negativity in the world we feed that energy instead.

We also really need a more balanced view of the world. We complain about the media saying that it's skewed in the negative, but why is it so? Yes there are the conspiracy theories, however the media are essentially selling a product and research shows that negative news sells. Think about it - even the glamour magazines have articles about murders or the worst dresses or famous overweight people - or those without make-up. Why do we want to read this? Do we think it will make us feel better to see that someone who appears to have so much, really isn't that happy after all? Does it justify our misfortunes in doing so?

Of course we need to be informed of world events so we can do our best to create a better world and to help those who are suffering. Also we must advocate for those suffering that do not have a voice. However I believe we need to do this in a way that serves us better as human beings and does not make us angry & bitter about the world. We do not have to feed this negative energy and create even more negative energy. 

We cannot erase the past or justify it in any way. We must do what we can to help others also focus on the power we have to create a better world in the here and now. 

Each individual has the power to control their mind and visualise for 5 mins every day a peaceful and loving world. Research shows when people meditate in groups about peace, for that time, crime rates decline. So we do have power in these amazing minds - let's put them to good use. Every morning, every night & on public transport visualise peace, love and happiness. It's easy and can only improve your mood and life.

Allow yourself time to grieve and heal during painful experiences, but Don't lose faith in humanity. Trust in your goodness & in the goodness of most people on this earth. 

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life: www.happylife.net.au 

Self esteem tip: How to Stop Self Sabotage Save View

Does fear cause you to run away just when you seem to be getting what you want?

Low self esteem is often coupled with self sabotage. People often think self sabotage sounds crazy - how can you reject something you tell others and yourself that you want so badly? Yet self sabotage is REALLY common.

At work people self sabotage all the time. They complain for years about feeling unfulfilled, stressed and undervalued. However, when a job presents itself that has all the potential to resolve many of their current complaints, individuals will finds things that must be wrong with this potential opportunity and remain where they currently stand - unhappy and frustrated & wondering just when is life going to change. 

In relationships people also have a strong tendency to self sabotage. They feel lonely and are tired of attracting negative relationships into their lives, yet when the opportunity to meet someone new (without inherent complications) presents itself they allow fear to interfere with their behaviour. So they often avoid taking the first step and reject the opportunity to commence something new.

There is something safe about staying put! Even though people may hate where they currently stand, they know what this space is like - they know they can cope with the unpleasantness (getting enjoyment from the fantasy of a potential better life). However, it takes an incredible amount of courage to say "I don't care how scary the unknown is.. I want my desires & I'm going to take a chance to get them". 

Most people spend their lives in the mode of self sabotage. They avoid taking risks and instead live a life in fear and hence very unhappy.

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence 

Every step you take outside your comfort zone poses a potential risk. The key to overall happiness is how you interpret these risks and subsequently move on. For instance, taking a risk in the past on a new relationship that ended badly could either leave you feeling jaded and scared of ever taking the plunge with a new potential partner, or leave you healing past the pain and trusting that the right person for you is just around the corner. Similarly, taking a risk on a new business venture that failed could leave you either feeling like a complete failure, or challenge you to tweak things and get better (eg the journey of most successful business ple has stories of set-backs that inspired them to achieve even greater things).

You can choose to take controlled risks, or huge risks - that's a personal decision. I'm not suggesting you create risks and seek them out. Simply, when it comes to your inner desires, seize opportunities when they are presented to you. The Universe is responding to your requests, so seize the moments. 

Live the life that makes you happy. 

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence

Optimists creed

I came upon this creed and thought it was a wonderful thing to pass on and read regularly.

Enjoy...

The Optimist’s Creed

“Promise Yourself…

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about
your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press-on to the greater achievements
of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."

(From the book: “Your forces and how to use them” by Christian D. Larson

1912)

Which moments count most for you?

We talk a lot about the stages in grief and finally reaching the stage of acceptance to move on. Whilst one can move on after trauma, there are often triggers that bring up those sad feelings again. For me any song (and in particular 2 songs) by Radiohead remind me of my late brother in-law. My husband and I spent a lot of time with his brother listening to this beautiful music, so every time I hear these songs, I think of this time together. I am drawn to write this article, because as I sit here one of these songs is being played on the radio.

This relationship taught me a lot about how precious life is and how much we can take for granted. Being a Cancerian I have always been a family person. It means more to me than anything. However, I now really try to savour the moments I love with family, friends and loved ones. These are the moments that count.

A friend recently told me she was worried because she was going to miss an important meeting in order to attend a close relative’s funeral overseas. It didn’t take much convincing to help her to realise that the closeness of those you love is more important. Work can always be sorted out. We spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think of us, instead of trusting that we are doing our best and focussing on what is important. At the end of the day, in our final hours will we care about whether or not we made it to an important meeting, or more about all the special times we spent with those we love?

Yes, life demands a balance. As human beings we crave success, health and wellbeing – these all take time. However, the important thing is to ‘be present’ in the moments you have with people you care about. It’s all too easy to waste this time complaining about things that are bothering you. Save these complaints for specific times and have fun with those you love.

Take time out this week to tend to your relationships.

·         Email a friend you have been neglecting.

·         Skype a relative overseas

·         Pop in to visit a family member

·         Text a loved one to say you care or miss her

These precious times in your life increase your self-esteem and self-value and serve as wonderful memories throughout life. Yes they take time out of your busy schedule, but they are so...worth it.

 

Why does it seem so hard to take charge of your life ?

It's an interesting aspect of human existence that people would often rather remain in an unhappy environment rather than strive towards true happiness. Maybe this has something to do with our inherent mentality of "I'll be happy when..." - feeling defeated by the pain of the here and now.

If you think back in time to all the desires you longed for and finally achieved, how many of these do you re-focus on and remind yourself of how great you feel as a result of these achievements? Our brains seem to be wired to focus on thoughts such as "yeh I know I have that, but I don't want this present thing and therefore that's what I really want and then I will REALLY be happy". 

The sneaky truth is that there is never an end of the road because we will always be seeking new adventures, relationships, material pleasures. This is not a bad thing, however our assumption that these things will ultimately lead to happiness is flawed. 

As human beings we are meant to seek greater heights. We just need to accept this as a fantastic aspect of life, rather than a constant burden. We need to trust that we can map out the journey towards our goals and desires, but the road is likely to take many turns and when we reach our desired outcome we will question "what's next"??? 

Therefore the answer lies in being excited about your desires and trusting in your abilities to stand the test of time and pursue your dreams - riding the waves along the way! 

If you are in a situation or circumstance that is causing extreme unhappiness this focus is even more important. You need to trust in your abilities to get you there and focus on the excitement of small achievements along the way. Each achievement should get recognised and rewarded. For instance, having the discipline to sit down and study, completing a highly commended project, getting to gym 3 times this week, or eating healthy foods today. 

When you begin to relish in each achievement you gain closer perspective on how to enjoy the road ahead and appreciate each moment.

Life is to be lived, not wasted waiting until happiness falls upon you. It's your life. Live it & love it.

For more inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter at: @lohalloran72

Feeling tired? You might be emotionally drained

We tend to associate over tiredness with lack of sleep. It makes sense. Logically if you're sleep deprived you are going to feel tired. However, mental excursion is often at the route of daily tiredness and in fact is often the cause of sleep deprivation. 

Many people complain of sheer exhaustion and feeling Burnt out at the end of a hard day at work. As a result they associate the environment and actual job with tiredness. However, a lot of the tiredness comes from worrying about external factors, such as everything of their to-do list, their ability to perform a task in a particular time, or complete a job to a particular standard.

 

A 2012 article in the Psychology Today magazine defined feeling burnt out as:

"...a state of chronic stress and frustration that leads to:

• physical and emotional exhaustion; 
• feelings of cynicism and detachment; and
• a sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment." See: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201205/where-do-you-fall-the-burnout-continuum

Whilst you may not be experiencing all these symptoms, if you are regularly feeling mentally drained at the end of the day, it's time to start having a look at how you are processing information throughout your day. For instance, if you engage in a lot of negative thinking throughout the day (such as complaining about people that upset you at work), you are straining your mind and filling it with very draining thoughts. These thoughts then lead to negative feelings.

Office politics often results in employees feeling as though they are not being heard. They thus turn to each other for support and to vent. Whilst this can be helpful, regularly complaining about the same issues is detrimental to your health and rarely actually improves the issues being discussed. A better approach is to focus on what you can control and then take action to either rectify the issues internally in the current workplace, or start to make plans to move on. Staying where you are and complaining every day about it simply exhausts you mentally and physically.

If you enjoy your job but the workload is just too high, it's important to take time out from your current environment and make plans to set better boundaries and processes. Complaining about his much  work you have on your plate is highly unlikely to alter your situation because most people feel they are overworked in a busy workplace and with hence find it difficult to emplathise with you. Instead, be open about what you are capable of achieving. Set clear expectations and don't over promise to deliver work when you have the opportunity to set more realistic goals and expectations.

Each day make a commitment to first plan out your day and then operate in the here and now, rather than worrying about what you still want to do, or are dreading doing. Most importantly, when walk out of the office door - mentally switch off and leave your work stress where it belongs - back in the office. This simple process will begin to reduce negative mental stress and will provide you with more sustained positive energy throughout your whole day. It will also reduce the reliance on medication, stimulants and relaxants to get you through the day.

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter @lohalloran72