What is self-esteem?

There are many definitions of self-esteem. The key to a healthy self-esteem is to live a life where good and bad things happen, however, your belief in your core self is not affected by these events (e.g. you don't think you're a bad person because someone else is upset with you!).

Nathaniel Branden has defined self-esteem in a very interesting way. He states that self esteem is encompassed in our:

1. Confidence in our ability to think and to cope with the basic challenges of life (doing well)

2. Confidence in our right to be happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants and entitled to enjoy the fruits of our efforts (feeling good).

When you look at this definition, ask yourself, do you feel these things and if not, what beliefs, thoughts, experiences and feelings might be influencing your ability to develop and sustain a strong self-esteem.

Source: N.Branden (1992). The power of self-esteem (Deerfield Beach, Fla, Health Communications), In. Seligman, M.E.P (1995). The Optimistic Child, Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston.

Self-esteem and optimism

Self-esteem and optimistic thinking are very closely related. Having an optimistic view of the world means that you have a higher resilience when things go wrong, you don't tend to blame yourself for the ills of the world and you don't generalise negative events to the rest of your life. For instance, when you have a pessimistic view of the world, you would conclude that you are bad at all sports if you failed at just one, or you would conclude that you'll never have a meaningful intimate relationship with a partner because you've had one or a few negative relationships (disqualifying any positive evidence to the contrary) in the past.

Self-esteem is not something that can be improved overnight, nor is it something that's improved via positive thinking alone. It needs concerted effort and work to undo the negative impacts of the past and to create new ways of interpreting the events in your life and the impact they have on your future. For more information on self-esteem visit:
http://www.happylife.net.au/Self-esteem_online.html

Feeling Good

In order to increase your overall happiness, it's important to have the intention to feel good as often as possible. This seems like an obvious thing to say, however, there is a difference between saying you want to be happy and being committed to living a happy and optimistic life.

In order to feel good you have to ensure you are also healthy. This means paying attention to the influence of certain foods on your mood. This is particularly important for those who suffer from diabetes or irritable bowel syndrome. In both these cases, the consumption of certain foods will lead to negative mood states, irritability and exhaustion. In these negative mood states it's very difficult to feel motivated to be happy. Thus, health and happiness are intrinsically linked.

Make happiness your ultimate life goal. Visit: www.happylife.net.au

If something is making you unhappy - change it!

Do you continue to do the same thing over and over again - just trying harder each time - even though your methods are not achieving the results you desire? This is a common behavioural pattern. We learn one way of doing something and we just keep taking part in the same behaviour even though we've seen time and time again that we're not getting the results we desire.

If you see that something isn't working in your life, or it's making you unhappy, it's time to make a plan to move in a direction that brings you joy. Sometimes it's hard to see past your current stress, however, this is where the law of attraction works best. So take the following steps and move from struggle to freedom:

1. Acknowledge that your process is not working (e.g. you're not happy in your current job)
2. Decide on what alternative would make you feel better (e.g. to work in another industry or organisation)
3. Work out whether you need any additional resources to get your there (e.g. more study)
4. Set out your plan of achieving this
5. Focus on the desire that you want - as though you already have it. You don't need to worry about the plan any more, because you've put your plan in place

Shut down your internal critic

Have you noticed that each time you try to stay positive about something which you are focusing on in your life that makes you unhappy, your internal critic strikes a blow and keeps you in a negative vibration?

If you are in a place in your life right now that you do not want to be in and you have focused all your attention on the fear of staying there (feeling stuck), now is the time to distract your mind of this thought and solely focus on where you want to be as though it exists for you right now. This is not easy to start with, as your internal critic will fight you all the way, but you owe it to yourself to fight back and choose the path in life that makes you feel good!

The importance of good sleep

In our fast paced world we often take sleep for granted. Yet a good night's sleep can do wonders from your overall mood and in particular your coping resources - just ask any new mum!

Sleep deprivation has in fact been used as a form of torture, so you can see that this is a vital part of your overall health. It's not about the number of hours sleep you gain either, it's about the quality of your sleep. Thus it's very important that you find a way to wind down before going to bed.

Deepak Chopra suggests trying to go to bed prior to 10pm and even if you're not sleeping initially when in bed, going to bed with the attiude that it's all about rest and restoration will help you to wind down and relax about the process.

If you're having trouble with your sleep, try listening to a meditation CD prior to sleeping. The Happy Life meditation sleep CD is a great way to relax all the muscles of your body prior to sleep and to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. For more information on this CD visit:
http://www.happylife.net.au/Products_Meditation_CD.html

What makes you happy?

We're all different. That's what makes us so much fun and so difficult to work out at times!

Have you ever stopped to think about what actually makes you smile.

Do you assume that because something makes you happy, that it should make everyone just as happy?

Do you berate yourself for not being satisfied with what you have now?

It's really important to work out what gives you joy in your life. You may think that you should be happy because you have things that other people desire, like great relationships, money, success or fame. However, happiness is an individual thing, so it's necessary to investigate how you see yourself and how you can lift your confidence and self-esteem by pursuing the things that are right for you (instead of trying to please other people, or trying to live up to an 'ideal'). Once you decide on who you are and who you would like to be, you can place more effort in the right direction and bring in to your life longer lasting happiness and fulfilment in life.