How does your behaviour impact on others?

One of the most interesting parts of the Myers-Briggs personality test is the Feeling 'F' versus Thinking 'T' scale. This scale rates how you make decisions in your life and within the world around you. In other words, when you are making decisions, do you consider facts more than feelings? 

Those who rate very highly on the 'T' scale often find it difficult to empathize with others because their decisions are based primarily on ration facts. Thus, at work they can struggle in management positions when it comes to addressing their staff, as their (at times) tactless and abrupt manner often offends. They tend to find it very difficult to sugar coat issues and to truly empathize with emotional problems they cannot relate to. These individuals are unfortunately often completely oblivious to their impact on the health and well being of their staff.

In contrast, this Myers-Briggs scale is particularly interesting when you consider those who rate highly on the feeling scale. Often people who are strong 'F's on the scale assume they are very considerate and kind towards others. However, these very people can be completely unaware of their negative behaviour towards other considerate and kind individuals. Because they base their behaviour so strongly on feelings, they can fall into the trap of assuming these nice people will simply accept their rudeness, disrespect, lateness and so on. A classic example of this is when they choose to make an effort to please those they are not confident around and thus ignore, pay little attention towards and neglect friends, colleagues and associates who they assume will just always be there for them. Usually, by the time they realise this person has had enough, the relationship has been tarnished beyond repair.

The most interesting aspect of this type of behaviour is that these very individuals are often the first to complain about being mistreated by others (usually by those very people they have tried so desperately to impress). The lesson for those bearing the brunt of this negative behaviour is to be assertive, to try to make the 'F' people aware of their behaviour and stop it before it completely tarnishes the relationship.

In work situations this happens all the time. Senior Managers who are not aware of, or do not consider, the impact of their decisions on their staff are often left wondering why their staff are not loyal, have a high turnover, or are no longer willing to work overtime to impress tho boss! When treated in a disrespectful manner, staff will eventually become disheartened and lose interest when treated with disrespect.

The moral here is that if you want positive relationships with the people you really care about in life to last - you have to make an effort and give these people the respect they deserve. Don't assume you can return their calls when you feel like it (eg after you've spoken to all the people you're trying to impress). Don't turn up late to social events without advising them or making up a lame excuse that you bumped into an old friend on the way. Don't repeatedly cancel at the last minute because something better came along or you've just lost interest. Don't assume you can get away with making little or no effort and they will always be there.

Life is all about balance and give and take. You get what you put in, so be mindful of those who perhaps you have been taking for granted and take this chance to tend to this relationship more closely.

10 Great Ways To Lose Weight

Every new diet or exercise program promises a new and innovative way to lose weight. However, the method in which you lose weight or get into shape really has little baring on your success. The way you think and feel are the real drivers of success.

So here are my top 10 ways to get back on track, to start losing weight and get into shape today.

1. Decide on why it's important to you

Just because you think you should be thinner is not motivating enough to sustain a healthy lifestyle, you need to know why you care - why it matters to you to be healthy. This means taking time to think about what it means to you to be healthy and how it will improve your life. In addition, you must be clear on the costs associated with remaining unhealthy.

2. Taste vs pleasure

There is a reason junk food appears to taste so much better than healthy good, when you are not used to healthy eating, or when you include too much junk food in your diet. There is a HUGE amount of money spent on research to ensure the taste is pleasing and addictive. Shifting from highly processed, high salt and high fat foods, to seemingly bland food can be very challenging. So, you must give your taste buds time to readjust. The more you cut back on these things and choose healthier alternatives, the more you start to appreciate and enjoy more natural flavours.

3. Top on mind

In order to be healthy it has to be top of mind, so that you don't slip back into bad habits when you forget to pay attention or your mood isn't quite right (eg during times of stress or hormonal changes). When you are focused on being healthy, you can incorporate behaviours into your life (other than eating quick-fix feel good foods) to address your moods. Keeping you focused on why you want to live a healthy life.

4. Stop feeling like you're not missing out

When starting to eat healthy it's very important to not feel as though you are being punished by thinking 'its horrible that I can't eat delicious food any more'. The idea is to want to eat healthily because you enjoy how fresh, clean and energetic you feel. Thus, you don't feel tempted to gorge on junk food in order to modify your moods or to satisfy a craving. You want to be able to enjoy treats when appropriate (eg celebrations), but be able to revert back to healthy eating again straight away.

5. Believe you can do it

Self belief is critical to your success. Use other examples of when you have set your mind to achieving a goal & succeeded in achieving it (eg saving for a holiday, changing careers, buying a new home) - to motivate you. This way, you can regularly remind yourself that when you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything.

6. Ignore well meaning others who want you to join them in their eating habits

Food and socializing are very closely linked, so people around you are going to try to encourage you to eat and drink unhealthy foods from time to time. The key here is to ensure there are delicious healthy dishes served that you can all enjoy together. In addition to you feeling less stressed about having to explain your new eating habits, the consumption of healthier food will lead to lighter conversation, more energy and increased fun.

7. Stop all or nothing thinking

As noted before, it's very important to be flexible with your eating habits so that if you end up eating more junk food than anticipated, you simply move on, rather than use it as an excuse to eat like crazy. Remind yourself that you are not being restricted. No-one is telling you what to do. You're eating healthy because you want to.

8. Be organized with meal preparation

Ensure you eat regularly throughout the day and that you have healthy meals prepared in advance to avoid picking up quick and easy high fat foods on the run. Take time each week to ensure you have sufficient healthy snacks in your bags, drawers at work and home pantry. Then, either arrange for someone at home to prepare your meals for you, or cook a few healthy meals at the start of the weeks and freeze them for those nights when you really can't be bothered cooking.

9. Prepare delicious alternatives

Eating healthy should never be boring. Log on to the Happy Life website at: www.happylife.net.au for some free delicious meals you can easily prepare.

It's really important to have a positive association with healthy eating, so be creative and prepare foods you enjoy. Don't just stick to the same old salad and soup diet. You want healthy eating to be a lifestyle, not a chore.

10. Get your family and friends involved

It's so much easier to sustain a healthy life if your family and friends are involved. You can involve them by arranging to engage in physical activity together, preparing healthy meals everyone can enjoy together, or by discussing what you are doing and asking for their support.

Remember

You are the only one in control of your destiny. Take control and live the healthier lifestyle you deserve today.

Feelings of rejection are in your control

Rejection comes in many forms:

- A partner letting you go
- A parent's neglect
- A friend's lack of respect, support or loyalty

These rejections can stay with you for days, week, months - even years and as a result they can negatively impact on your life.

Rejection is made up of 1 part: your interpretation of external behaviors and the other part: your expectation of people, circumstances and events.

With regards to the first part, we are often not trained from a young age to interpret the attitudes and behaviors of significant others accurately. For instance, parents rarely explain to their children that they are 'snappy' today due to their own underlying stress. As a result, children learn to interpret such behaviors as meaning there must be something wrong with them or that they have done something wrong.

With regard to the second part, your expectations also influence your interpretation of events. Thus, in the above example, children have the expectation that parents are there to love them unconditionally, so they need lots of reassurance that even when they misbehave or are spoken to in a less than patient manner - they are still loved.

In order to deal with rejection as an adults, it's important to have realistic expectations and to explain events accurately. Let's use a career example. When you put your heart and soul into work (as many people do), you are likely to have the expectation that hard work equals validation, recognition and financial rewards. However, this is not necessarily the case. Hard work gives you a better chance of attaining these things, however if you fail to take opportunities, voice your desire for financial incentives/promotions, or ensure the 'right' people at work are made aware of the great job you're doing, you are less likely to achieve the accolades you desire. Consequently you are likely to feel rejected by your employer and may even start to doubt your abilities as a result. However, in the event that you were passed on for promotion, you have the option of viewing this as a sign of your inadequacies, or instead to view it as a reminder that you need to tweak your work process. Thus, your interpretation of the outcome will also influence how rejected you feel in that moment.

The same principles can be applied in relationships. Often in partnerships individuals do not take the time to address issues that are important to them and end up losing too much of themselves in the partnership - for fear of losing the person, or simply to keep the peace. This giving so much of themselves can lead to an expectation of receiving the same or more in return. However, often such grandiose gestures are not reciprocated. This in turn leads to feelings of rejection, as the lack of similar support is viewed as a reflection of themselves rather than of their partners inadequacies.

In order to avoid feeling rejected, you must change your mindset. Whilst no one likes to feel hurt by another persons actions, the way you respond to this hurt will dictate whether or not you interpret the other persons behavior as a personal rejection or just a problem the other person may need to address within themselves - in other words its their problem - not yours!.

When is it your time to shine?

We often think we have all the time in the world to be who we want to be, live how we want to live and love who we want to love. However, days turn into months and months quickly turn into years and before you know it, it's never the right time to really start living.

Fear, stress, worry and self sabotage often stand in the way of you living the life you've always dreamed of. However, when you think about the fact that life has an ending - what are you really afraid of? The problem is, of course we don't want to think about our lives ending - nor should we dwell on it. However, using it as a little reminder that NOW is actually the best time to start living according to your true self, can be a powerful way of motivating yourself to change and improve.

What are you afraid of?

What holds you back from living your dreams?

Do you really know what your heart desires, or are you living a life in accordance with other people's values?

The answer to these questions are vital.

The first place to start on this journey is with your inner self. Shifting from negative thinking to positive thinking gives you the power and self belief that you can actually achieve your hearts desire.

With a clear vision of what you want in life and a more positive mindset, you can start to devise a plan for moving forward. Part of this plan involves evaluating what you are currently doing and checking that your current behaviors are in line with your desires. For instance, if you desire to have a close and loving family, but spend a lot of time at work rather than at home, you are not living in line with your true desire. Similarly, if you desire to attract and maintain the best partner for you, but you spend a lot if time self criticizing and avoiding social events, you are also living in contrast with your desires.

Now that you know which areas of your life need to be tweaked, you can work on developing a plan to match your desires and then commit to following through with this plan. So, if your desire is to have a close family, make sure you dedicate time every day to having fun, listening and laughing with your parents, siblings, children and/or partner. Similarly, if your desire is to attract and maintain the perfect partner for you, become conscious of your inner thoughts and challenge and reframe your negative thinking so that you always present your BEST you in social situations. Also, join a social of sporting club where you are likely to regularly meet potential partners that are right for you.

Take action every day to ensure you stay on the right path. Live for now - don't wait for the perfect time to start truly living.

Don't let life pass you by and particularly, don't waste your life feeling down because you haven't yet achieved your dreams. When you're following your plan, you are taking steps towards your ultimate desires - and that in itself is committing to living your dreams.

It's never too late to be true to yourself.

You can do it!

How to slow down to beat stress and illness

When you push yourself too hard physically and emotionally you can find that you take a lot longer to recover from colds and flu. Modern life does not tend to present you with many opportunities to take time out to fully recover from mild illness. Thus, once your obvious symptoms dissipate, you tend to either feel too guilty to continue to rest and recuperate, or you have too much on your plate to do so.

There are a finite number of hours in the day and your list of 'to-do's' can often feel overwhelming, leaving you little time to allow yourself permission to rest. This is particularly true for high level professionals and parents, who are relied upon significantly by others - day in and day out. In addition to external pressures, it's very common to feel guilty about resting, when there is still so much more to be undertaken and achieved.

So, how do you fully recover from illness in order to function at your optimum - most of the time?

In order to recuperate fully and feel your best, there are the 'usual' things to do, such a sleep well/enough and eat well. However, in reality recent research shows that in order to achieve our ever growing list of tasks, we find it easiest to skimp on sleep. Shaving a few hours here and there can add a significant number hours to your year, so it's no wonder it's so tempting to give it up and thus to maintain the recommended 8 hours of good quality sleep a night.

Instead of trying to change your sleeping habits, a quick and easy way to improve your health (before, during and after illness) is through slowing down. Most people tend to make the misguided assumption that in order to achieve, one must move with speed. The problem with this theory is the body's reaction to being placed under pressure on a regular basis - STRESS. Regular, ongoing stress has been shown to cause a short-term reduction in IQ. This is why, it can be very difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions with your stressed - and thus increase the chance of making mistakes and having to end up working harder. Rushing around tying to achieve a million things in a day/week/month/year usually ends up resulting in a lot of wasted time and energy.

In contrast, if you were to start your day with a few deep breaths, 5 minute relaxation exercises and made a conscious effort to slow down, you would be able to think more clearly and rationally and thus be much more productive during the day.

For instance, most people arrive at work and feel anxious as soon as they begin to look at emails, to-do lists and speak to other stressed co-workers. They tend to spend the day frantically trying to spot mutiple fires, feeling overwhelmed, stressed and unproductive. If instead of this strategy, they walked into the office, took out a notepad and began to scan through emails, to-do lists and verbal requests from staff first thing in the morning and then developed a daily priority list, they would be able to tick off the most important jobs they had achieved that day. This would in turn provide both a feeling of achievement and a sense of control.

Undertaking such a morning task would take between 15-30 minutes per day, but would give back many more hours of productive work in return. The act of slowing down and gaining control is vital for health and wellbeing, particularly in this busy world we live in.

Your mind significantly impacts your physical health and emotional state, so if you're feeling run down or overwhelmed, try to simply slow down. Try it for 1 week and see how much it improves your life.

There's a big difference between being nice & being passive

Objectively if you were to look at the human race you could be convinced that there is something wrong with a species that seems to repel and reject nice people on a regular basis. I see countless evidence of 'nice' people being taken advantage of, walked over, ignored, rejected and criticized. However, when you look closely at these examples you invariably find these nice people are in fact engaging in passive behaviour and ignoring their own needs, wants and desires in order to please others. Hence why it's easy to confuse being nice with being passive.

So, what is the difference between niceness and passivity?

Being a nice person goes hand in hand with considering the needs of others, being kind, being generous, helping and supporting those in need. However, when these qualities come at the expense of your own needs, wants and desires on a regular basis they translate into passive behaviour. The major problem with being passive under the guise of niceness is that it often translates into resentment and anger - in turn causing you to no longer want to be nice.

Being passive also tends to bring out the worst in others because people tend to assume that nice person will be more accommodating and be less likely to complain when things don't go their way.
The reason many nice people avoid being assertive is they are driven by a need to please others. Thus, expressing conflicting views can be very frightening for a passively nice person, as it has the potential to upset others and result in negative consequences (eg rejection and criticism).

The most fascinating aspect of passive behaviour is that it ends up leading to the same negative outcomes originally feared. In others words, passively Nice people want to avoid being criticized, but through passive behavior are likely to end up being criticized anyway.

If you are a passively nice person it's really important to make the distinction between being nice and passive and to challenge your underlying fears that drive you to behave in a passive manner. You can still be a nice person, but don't allow your behaviour to be driven predominately by the needs and wants of others. This is particularly important when you commit to doing something with another nice person and are asked to do something at the same time by someone you are scared to say 'no' to. In this case, you're likely to also choose the scary person and assume the nice person will be OK. Behaving in the exact manner you dislike in others.

Whilst there will always be times when it is necessary to put the needs of others in front of yours, during these times it's important to ensure you are being respected and appreciated. For example, placing boundaries around how your children should speak to you (showing their appreciation through words like please and thank-you).

Further, whilst being 'easy going' might be an energy you aspire to have, don't confuse it with being a pushover. It's fine to agree to things if you really don't mind, but if you're happy, at least seek clarification and ask if there is any opportunity to alter things more to your liking.

Aspire to be a nice person, but try not to aspire to be passive.

If you find yourself going down the wrong path. Stop and do a u-turn

Watching a Suze Orman (finance guru) video today, I was struck by a very pertinent comment she made regarding 'if you find yourself going down the wrong path, God permits u-turns'. In other words, it's never too late to change the course of your life and set sail in the right direction - FOR YOU.

I often tell my clients that age is not a barrier to success. Often clients believe they are too old to change their life directions and to start living out their dreams. However, there are countless stories of very successful individuals who embarked on their true calling later in life.

• Suze Orman is a great example of this, deciding to change her life's course whilst working as a waitress at age 30. 
• Colonel Sanders - the creator of the KFC franchise - changed the course of his life even later in life. After years of perfecting his secret chicken recipe, it wasn't until he was 65 years of age that he began approaching potential franchisees - a move that finally led him to the successful KFC business that remains extremely popular around the world today.   
• Jack Canfield (the successful motivational speaker) was a teacher earning a very modest wage when he later decided to write the now famous Chicken Soup for the Soul series with a friend. It took them 3 years to write and almost 2 years to promote, but now Jack's books are sold in the millions all over the world.

In each of these three cases above, there was a time when the individuals decided they HAD to make a change in order to live their life's dream. They believed it was possible, they were dedicated to their cause and they persevered in the face of every adversity that came their way.With their desires firmly in mind, they pursued their goals.

In each one of these cases there was also a deep underlying passion and desire to bring happiness to others. The Colonel dreamt of people enjoying his delicious chicken recipe, Suze dreamt of helping empower people to take back control of their financial future and Jack dreamt of helping his readers find inspiration, hope and joy through his stories. These core internal drives helped to push them through adversity to finally achieve and sustain their dreams.

We are all on a life's journey. My person journey began when I was 12 years old. I can still see myself in our loungeroom thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up and deciding instinctively that I wanted to help others to feel happy. I didn't know how I was going to achieve this, but I was convinced that I was here on this earth to support and assist others. This desire has continued to motivate and inspire me every single day. It is why I love coaching, counselling and mentoring individuals and why I feel so happy and inspired after every session. I wasn't blessed with rich parents, an easy childhood, or a stable upbringing, but I was blessed with determination and drive. I observed these in my parents (particularly my mother) and I have the will to never give up. This determination and the desire to help others keeps me firmly focussed on how much I have achieved already, how much I still want to achieve and how much is still possible.

When you take time to reflect on your life, you will find (if you haven't already) your life's desire. This desire is in your grasp. Regardless of your life's circumstance, with belief, determination and perseverance, you can have, do or be anything you desire.