How to help someone who is feeling depressed

It is very hard for those who have never suffered a depressive episode to truly understand how debilitating this state of mind can make the sufferer feel. From the outset it can seem as though the sufferers life is so perfect. You may even think 'how can this person possibly be depressed with how successful, attractive, social and caring he/she is?'

However, depressive thinking is not rational. In this state it is easy to disqualify any positives and to focus on the issues that are creating the depressive episodes. No matter how much others highlight the positives, the depressed person will find it difficult to disengage from the negatives.

The main core feelings underlying depression:

Hopelessness

Helplessness

Worthless

Therefore, these are the areas that require focus when you are trying to support someone who is feeling depressed.

Hopelessness

To assist with feelings of hopelessness, the individual needs to feel as though there is a manner in which he/she can take control. For instance, if a friend was feeling depressed about being single and having difficulty finding and sustaining a partner, the best support you could give would be to help her to regain self confidence and accompany her to places she is most likely to meet someone she is compatible with (such as joining a sporting club together, going out dancing together, hosting a dinner party with a potential single partner invited, or attending a social function together).

Giving your friend a feeling of control will help her/him to take steps to shift out of depression and regain hope in the future.

Helplessness

To assist feelings of helplessness the individual needs to feel as though she/he has sufficient resources and support networks available to get through the issues at hand. As a friend you can personally be there to provide support. However, in times of depression it is really critical to advise a depressed friend to seek professional help from a qualified therapist or life coach. 

Where therapists differs from a friend is in their perspective (enabling unemotional  support) and in the techniques used to move past depression into happiness and health. Your support as a friend will of course remain very important in times of depression, so one should not substitute the other.

Worthlessness 

In order to assist an individual to increase worthless feelings, it's important to increase internal validation. Reminding the person of past and current success is a good start. What is especially required is current evidence of being valued. Encouraging the person to help others and thus to see first hand appreciation for this assistance is a great way to see evidence of self worth.

The key here is tapping into the issues causing the depression. So if a person feels unattractive, taking her out for a beauty treatment or supporting her to get back into shape will help. If a person is feeling unloved, showing him those that love and support him will help. If a person is feeling like a failure, engaging her in activities you know she will do well in will also help.

In addition to these supportive techniques above, it is very important to encourage healthy eating and increasing physical activity. Thee two behaviours have a huge impact on moods. Being a good friend could be as simple as supporting your friends to get healthy. 

Always remember that there is tremendous power in friendship support. Your ability to help a person in need is one of the most valuable and rewarding aspects of being a human being.

To seek help with depression visit The Happy Life website at: www.happylife.net.au

Often all you need is a little hope

There is much to be said for adding a little hope to your life. 

Those who have a religious background understand the power of hope quite intimately. Religions are predominantly based on the promise of hope for a better life. Having faith assist believers to through the toughest times because there is the innate belief that God will always look after you and help you get through even the toughest circumstances.

In every day life you can also use the same philosophy to get you through every tough times - simply by focussing on how you can increase hope. For instance, let's say you have been feeling very lonely as a result of your desire for an intimate partner. You try to stay positive, but often feel like you're luck is never going to change. After a while you lose hope and just stop trying to meet your ideal partner. 

If you really gave up all hope at the point you would close yourself off from all the  opportunities to meet potential partners in the future. However, if you took decisive action to increase your chances of meeting your perfect match, you would increase hope and find your life changes very quickly.

Every struggle can lend itself to times of despair. It can be difficult to find hope in times of financial strain, physical exhaustion, loss, stress and when you feel overwhelmed and undervalued. Yet there are countless examples of individuals who have successfully overcome these struggles. 

What's their secret? 

The secret to their success comes down to taking action regardless of their feelings (and especially when they are feeling down) and being extremely clear about what they want. A classic example of this is when you feel depressed and hopeless in a current occupation. When you begin having an open dialogue with your Manager, begin looking for a better job, or start editing your CV it's incredible how quickly you begin to feel a sense of hope and your ability to cope with your present circumstance increases immensely.

We all need hope. Whatever situation you are struggling with (or someone close to you is struggling with), commit to finding rays of hope. Do anything to feel as though you are moving in your chosen direction. Every time you take control over your life, you increase your level of hope.

How focussing on the negatives can create a prisoner in your own mind

One of the most common patterns of thinking involves focussing (and regularly discussing) how bad you feel because you don't yet have what you desire. Classic thoughts of lack include:

* My home is too small or too old

* I am getting too old to have children

*I don't have enough money

*I hate my body

*I am tired all the time

*I don't have any great friends

*I will never have a great intimate relationship 

It's human nature to ponder on these beliefs and to discuss them with your friends and relatives. However, if the majority of your thoughts are in this headspace, you are likely to lose track of reality as these thoughts begin to infiltrate your very existence. You can become consumed by them, to the point where you rarely allow you to have fun and relax. Instead you find yourself complaining about the same issues over and over again in the hope that either you, or someone else will find the perfect solution for you. Yet this rarely occurs.

Speaking regularly about things you currently are unable to change leaves you feeling trapped and a complete hostage to your negative thoughts and beliefs. Yes, we all need to vent our frustrations from time to time. However, when you are complaining without finding potential solutions to your problems and then actively taking decisive action to change your life for the positive - you are simply living within the confines of an imprisoned mind.

It's important to regularly check in with yourself and take note of the conversations you have with those closest to you. For instance, you may regularly be complaining about the job you hate, the boss who is a bully, the friend who lets you down, the baby you really desire and the partner you long for. If this is the case, assess the outcome of these conversations. Have you had any breakthroughs and changed your life as a result of these conversations? Your answer to this question will be quite telling. If you are having these conversations regularly it is most likely that you're either making little or no progress, are in a situation that can't be altered right now, or you simply are not ready to step out of your comfort zone to change. Be aware of where you sit in terms of wanting change.

Life will always throw dilemmas our way. However, it is part of our growth to learn from these issues and to take action to positively impact your life and those you care for.

To find more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au

Who decides on your reality?

It's very interesting to start to delve deeper into the mind. This pondering begs to question how two people can experience the exact same event and yet have completely different views on what transpired.

When you think about the way we conceptualise reality, this phenomenon seems quite impossible. After all, isn't what we see reality? 

In reality, what we observe and how we interpret our observations, make up our reality. Your perceptions will be directly related to your current emotional state and your history. A person who is generally feeling happy will view a potentially negative event in a much more optimistic light, than a person who is feeling depressed. Yet the event remains in Essence the same.

If you can accept this concept to be true, you can accept a concept one step further and believe that the way you think about your environment directly mirrors your perception of reality. Thus, what you think about - you truly create!

Our whole existence is based on believing our real world outside of us makes us feel particular ways. People often think "The job makes me uphappy, the money problems make me unhappy, the partner makes me unhappy" and so on... 

However, in reality it is our perception of these events that cause us to be unhappy, rather than the events themselves. By choosing to alter your perceptions, you not only find liberation in the face of adversity, but you find a path to creating new and more pleasant realities.

We go back to meditation because it is a powerful way of controlling your thoughts and opens up the window to create your desires future. If you can't find time to meditate right now, at the very least take opportunities where possible to focus on feelings of happiness. Travelling to work is a perfect time to engage in positive thinking. Wearing dark sunglasses on a train enables you to close your eyes in a crowded environment without any embarrassment.

During these times of meditation think about how you can start to create the positive energy in you that you want to project externally. You don't need to worry about the outcome. If the laws of quantum physics are correct - like energy attracts. So your greatest job in life is to ensure your mindset and emotional state match the same mindset you believe you will have only once you receive your desired outcome. Feeling before seeing!! TRUST is the key ingredient. 

It's a shift in your way of thinking, but it's so worthwhile to really begin to enjoy each day in your life journey.

For more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au

Finding a way to see the light at the end of the tunnel

When things are going wrong it seems impossible to switch your mindset into the positive in order to attempt to attract your hearts desires. However, the reason it's hard is because we go about things the wrong way. We focus our attention on how we can possibly alter these negative experiences in order to be happy.

What we need to do instead is start each day and end each evening thinking about all the things in our lives that are going really well despite our negative experiences.

These can be as small as how lucky you are to live in a safe country, be healthy, have nice friends, earn a good living, have a close relationship with a lived one, have nice clothes, have a good car and so on.

Focussing on these good things will raise your internal energy so that you can be in a more positive stage to attract what you need to change your negative experiences also.

Visit: www.happylife.net.au for more inspiration

Stop worrying about what others think in the office

How much time do you spend at work worrying about what your superiors might think of you? 

Many employees spend countless hours per day worrying about whether or not the boss will like them and even whether or not they will be fired. This fear is partly driven by an ever changing economy and regular news of company closures and downsizing. However, the major driver of this fear is internal insecurity as a result of personalising work.

One of the most common human fears is failure and at work failure can be grounds for dismissal. Whilst this fear can be valid, it is a fear that is usually irrational as most people are working at a high standard - consistent with their high work ethic. The nature of working for someone else leaves one exposed to external circumstances, so it's important to recognise that all you can do is try your best at work and ensure you treat it like a business, rather than your friend. 

People often become very upset about changes in the workplace and in particular negative personalities that make it very difficult to perform ones job well on a daily basis. Thisviscagain due to the personalisation and ownership placed on ones career in the first place. In other words making the mistake of taking work personally and forgetting that it's a business. 

Company downsizing and cutting staff is a perfect example of the line between work and emotions. The people in charge of firing large quantities of staff must separate the work from emotion in order to think strategically about which staff should be let go. Whilst being friends with your boss may protect you for a while, when it comes to major decisions like these companies look at productivity and cost savings. So, once again all you can do from a professional standpoint is think regularly about how your contribution at work impacts on the business and don't allow yourself to be dragged down by negative personalities in the workplace.

As the employee you must think of work as a business and your performance as part of this business. Your personal life is completely separate. The friendships you develop at work have nothing to do with your work (except with respect to forming networks to assist with daily tasks and potential future jobs). They mainly make your day to day life more pleasant and really form part of your personal life - not your professional life. 

So, enjoy your relationships at work and start each day with a mindset of success, achievement and contribution to the greater good of your company's needs. After all, negative people eventually move on and all the work you do will hold you in great stead for new and exciting professional positions in the future.

Fear can cause great tragedy in life if not dealt with correctly

Fear can become the biggest evil on earth. Yet how easily it is ingrained in our minds from a very early age

From the moment of conception a mother begins to fear. She fears for the safety of her child. She fears she will not be a perfect mother, she fears her child may be hurt by others and so on... The energy of fear is being transferred to her child from this very early stage of life and continues to be ingrained in her child throughout life, in an effort to protect her child from harm. Yet, this very intention breads further fear in her child and often attracts the very negative fears that were her intention to be avoided through the constant reminder of how scary the world really is.

Whilst one can say that children need to be made aware of things and people that can hurt them, there are two ways to achieve the same outcome. The first is through fear and the second is through reasoning without fear. Our natural instinct as parents is to use fear. We assume if we scare our kids enough they won't engage in dangerous behaviors such as running across the toad without looking, swallowing dangerous objects and falling over and hurting their bodies. However, the imbedding of such fears subsequently leads to an internal belief that the world is a scary and dangerous place (the news also enhances thus belief by showing a very skewed perspective of the world as though only horrible things are happening every day).

On the flip side, if you choose to use calm reasoning with your children to help them understand that there is a reward for safe behaviors rather than always a punishment for unsafe behaviors, they will learn to use reasoned judgement and to live their lives in a way that values the 'self'. They will in turn not learn to fear any new experience and will also learn to not to fear things that appear to be different to them.

So many of life's tragedy's have been caused by fear of difference, yet at the core, we are all human beings. When we look at others we need to see the soul, not the exterior. This is where the true person lies.

If you are a parent, start to pay attention to how you may be installing fear in your child/ten. It is extremely easy to do, but it's never too late to begin to adjust how you explain potentially dangerous behaviors.

Breeding fear can also lead to retaliation, as children start to think you must be exaggerating. They test the boundaries even more because these fearful behaviors are potentially naughty and would be so exciting to engage in and get away with. So, the intention to keep your child safe can end up causing the reverse to happen.

As an adult, also be mindful of the way you were taught to fear things in your environment, such as crossing roads, the boogie man, sun burn, falling down, getting on a plane, wearing a seat belt, talking in church, laughing in class etc... The explanations behind these things will dictate how much you fear your current life and how you allow fear to hold you back from enjoying and succeeding in every aspect of your life.

Yes, be safe and keep your kids safe but be careful in the manner used to explain the reasons behind engaging in safe behaviors.