Are you struggling with low self esteem?

Your self esteem is the key element in your life that directly affects your overall health and wellbeing. Without a strong self esteem your relationships struggle, your work suffers, your dedication and motivation to eat healthy and exercise are impaired, your finances are ignored and so on. 

You can't just turn on your self esteem. It takes a commitment to change negative thinking and subsequent feelings. These two things directly and significantly alter your self esteem. So this is where you need to begin.

Start by paying close attention to your internal language. 

How are you speaking to yourself and what things do you say about yourself out loud? - eg comments like "I'm such an idiot" are a very common and destructive thing people tell themselves all the time. Not only is it damaging to your self worth, but it's completely untrue. 

Each time you catch yourself saying negative statements about yourself, stop and question what you're saying and then reframe your statement. Eg instead of saying you're an idiot when you make a mistake, tell yourself "yes, I made a mistake, but I'm human. Everyone makes mistakes. I'll learn from this one and get better". This is a more accurate statement and it's not damaging to your self esteem.

It takes time and effort to catch yourself in these moments of negative thinking but it is vital to reframe your language in order to feel better about yourself. The key though is that you must choose new statements that you actually believe. There is no point telling yourself something that simply isn't true.

To boost your self esteem today visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au today 

Reduce your stress this Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a time for kindness, fun and love. Unfortunately it is often the opposite for many people, because instead of focusing on the blessings in life, it can pose a time to focus on lack - particularly when loved ones have been lost, are sick or are no longer on speaking terms. 

The true meaning of Christmas is signified beautifully in this early definition found in The American magazine, vol. 28 (1889), pg 742:

"to give up one's very self — to think only of others — how to bring the greatest happiness to others — that is the true meaning of Christmas"

Modern life has confused the true meaning of Christmas with the size, quality and number of Christmas presents you give and receive. But the true meaning of Christmas lies in the warmth and love you can bring to your life and to the lives of those you love during this festive season. 

Just think about the difference you could make to your Christmas table by taking the time to write or tell those you love how much you care about them.

 If money is an issue, think about giving cheaper gifts that will create a special memory for others, like home baked cookies wrapped in nice paper, a beautiful Christmas Tree ornament, or a poem written in beautiful paper and laminated. These things will be remembered much more than expensive trinkets. 

This Christmas also take time to bring warmth back into your home. If you are musical, choose a new song to sing/play each year, or create fun games to play like sherades to break the ice and detract from negative energies. 

Don't make presents the centre of attention - make little cards with one word that signifies what the person means to you & attach these to your gifts. 

 Focus on the blessings you all have in your life. Ask each person to say 1 thing they are grateful for and one thing they are excited about in the New Year. Change the focus and mood by playing happy and fun Christmas music. 

Make this a Christmas to remember - for all the good reasons!

If you don't celebrate Christmas still take the time to focus on your blessings and on those you love. Make someone you love a card that tells him/her how much you care and appreciate having this person in your life.

Life will always be filled with ups and downs. If you are feeling a loss at Christmas - turn it around as much as possible. Remember the good times and what you are grateful for right now. It's not easy, but if you give thanks at the same time that you grieve, the pain will be just that bit more tolerable.

Focus on love and more love will come...

For more support contact Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

Or email at: info@happylife.net.au

Learning to trust your instincts

The daily punishment you can place your body & mind under - as a result of constant negative feedback - can leave you with a lack of trust in your inner instincts. You can learn over time that it's not safe to trust that inner voice that tells you it's time to speak up (particularly when there is a chance you may get hurt). 

Why might you feel insecure in your ability to trust your instincts? 

Often this happens as a result of rejections and others letting you down. When you are rejected by someone you love you can easily learn (incorrectly) that you are not a worthy person and also learn that your instincts about this person were not accurate. You can begin to wonder if you really can trust your guidance system that has led you into a situation where pain has been the outcome. 

Add to this when those you care about regularly let you down, you can learn not to trust your inner guidance system who once again led you to these relationships. 

What we tend to quickly forget is that 99.9% of times your inner voice has tried to warn you about others who may not be the best 'fit' for you, but you have allowed your desires 'in the moment' to drive your behaviour and hence pushed forward with people who time and time again let you down. 

The question you need to ask yourself is "when will I start to realise the importance of listening to my instincts?"

When you repeatedly ignore your inner voice you leave yourself vulnerable. You are vulnerable to:

-) being hurt by those who do not truly show you the respect you deserve

-) ignoring potential errors that could lead to future problems

-) rejecting opportunities to stretch your wings and be the person you truly want to be

-) not standing up for yourself

-) others developing an inaccurate picture of you

So you can see, learning to pay attention when your intuition is trying to speak up, is vital to your overall health, happiness and success in life.

Start today! 

Start to listen to your inner voice. Don't rush into decisions. Give yourself time and permission to do things in your own time. Don't ignore your inner drives - particularly out of fear. Act - when your instincts tell you to speak up. 

Trust your instincts - one instinct at a time!

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.hapoylife.net.au

Deciding the improve your life instead of 'change' your life

It is very interesting to note the impact that an alteration in your language can have on how you feel about yourself and your life overall. Altering your internal language to say you want to improve your life rather than change your life is a very good example of this.

When you say you want to change your life, the underlying message (implication) is that overall your life is terrible and hence needs a complete change. However, this is not true. Every person can finds things in life to be happy about and proud of, such as:

- saving money for a holiday

- finishing a degree/course

- supporting a friend or loved one

- buying a home

- buying a car

- getting into shape

- creating close friendships

- helping a client at work

- delivering a speech 

- taking a risk that paid off

.... And so on...

The pursuit of goals and desires

Often you can find yourself unhappy with your current situation because your goals and desires are not manifesting quickly enough - or at all (eg wanting a career change, a partner, a baby, more money, close friends). This perceived failure can cause you to tell yourself regularly that your life is unsuccessful and therefore you 'must' find a way to change your life in order to find happiness. Believing this can leave you feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. 

Telling yourself you must change also implies you can't stand things the way they are now, yet you are already 'standing' things right now. It might not be pleasant but you are stronger than you most likely give yourself credit.

Changing your language

If you alter your language simply by saying 'i want to improve my life', the implication will be that there are many things to be happy about right now, but you want more (eg you already have some great friends, you have money to survive, you have a loving partner .. And so on). 

This new way of speaking serves to empower you and motivate you to achieve your desires. In other words, you start to believe you can and will enhance your life and that your life to-date is pretty good, despite not yet achieving your current desires.

You have a right to want more. In fact, the pursuit of desires is what makes life so exciting. See your goals as a way of enhancing your life and be appreciative and mindful of what you achieved so far.

For more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au

How focussing on the negatives can create a prisoner in your own mind

One of the most common patterns of thinking involves focussing (and regularly discussing) how bad you feel because you don't yet have what you desire. Classic thoughts of lack include:

* My home is too small or too old

* I am getting too old to have children

*I don't have enough money

*I hate my body

*I am tired all the time

*I don't have any great friends

*I will never have a great intimate relationship 

It's human nature to ponder on these beliefs and to discuss them with your friends and relatives. However, if the majority of your thoughts are in this headspace, you are likely to lose track of reality as these thoughts begin to infiltrate your very existence. You can become consumed by them, to the point where you rarely allow you to have fun and relax. Instead you find yourself complaining about the same issues over and over again in the hope that either you, or someone else will find the perfect solution for you. Yet this rarely occurs.

Speaking regularly about things you currently are unable to change leaves you feeling trapped and a complete hostage to your negative thoughts and beliefs. Yes, we all need to vent our frustrations from time to time. However, when you are complaining without finding potential solutions to your problems and then actively taking decisive action to change your life for the positive - you are simply living within the confines of an imprisoned mind.

It's important to regularly check in with yourself and take note of the conversations you have with those closest to you. For instance, you may regularly be complaining about the job you hate, the boss who is a bully, the friend who lets you down, the baby you really desire and the partner you long for. If this is the case, assess the outcome of these conversations. Have you had any breakthroughs and changed your life as a result of these conversations? Your answer to this question will be quite telling. If you are having these conversations regularly it is most likely that you're either making little or no progress, are in a situation that can't be altered right now, or you simply are not ready to step out of your comfort zone to change. Be aware of where you sit in terms of wanting change.

Life will always throw dilemmas our way. However, it is part of our growth to learn from these issues and to take action to positively impact your life and those you care for.

To find more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au

What do you need to change to look and feel good?

There comes a point when you realise you have to give up things you enjoy for a period if time in order to achieve something that is miles apart from where you are now. It would be nice if you could simply have anything your heart desires and enjoy all the little pleasures you take for granted - without any input. However, live is a bit trickier than that!

Getting healthy is a very good example of this. We often assume eating healthy foods and exercising are only important for the way we look externally. However, your extremities reflect your body internally. If you're eating unhealthy foods on a regular basis you're likely to find your skin looks dull, your eyes are not bright white, your nails chip easily and your hair may be thinner than usual too - to name a few...

The fascinating part of diet is that most of us are not truly aware of what we are eating. We assume we are pretty healthy most of the time. However, when you start to observe everything that goes into your mouth on a daily basis you may be shocked to realise you're regularly consuming products that are high in fats such as butter/margarine and snacking on foods that are high in salt and sugar.

It's also interesting to observe the quantity of fresh vegetables, fruits, legumes, nuts, healthy grains and healthy fats you're consuming. These are the things to increase in your daily life.

Of course, too much attention to your diet can drive you crazy, but slight changes to your eating, such as adding a salad to your lunch, swapping from sugar to honey and cutting out margarine/butter from you'd diet can go a long way towards increasing your health.

When you improve your inner health, your external appearance improves accordingly.

Feeling good on the inside will also give you back that spring in your step and make you feel more youthful. Tiny changes also tend to snowball into bigger and better changes - so start small and see how much better you feel.

Live this life to the fullest.

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Stop making excuses in relationships

It's very common for women in particular to make excuses for the behavior of partners at the expense of themselves - particularly in new relationships. Women who are likely to be suffering from low self esteem can find themselves in relationships where they are having to guess how much a new partner really likes them, wants to be with them and/or wants to be in a committed relationship with them.

As an outsider, it's often easy to see the problem in these situations - these women often desperately wants to believe the relationship will work, so they seek potential signs to prove the relationship will be a success. Often the search is for signs the other person likes Them. However this is where most of the problem lies. In seeking validation, women can confuse whether someone likes them, with whether someone wants to be in a committed relationship with them. They are very different things. The respective partner most likely enjoys the woman's company but if she is having to question his true intentions, he is not willing to give her as much as she truly desires.

It's very important for men and women to be VERY clear about the person they want to attract and the relationship they would like to have. In doing so, early warning signs of negative behavior (such as being distant, being rude, flirting with other people and showing a lack of respect) provide clear direction to either walk away or clarify the behavior early on - then make a decision about staying or leaving.

The key issue here is self respect and self value. People put up with bad friends, partners, family members and associates because humans have an innate need to be liked. However, it's important to remind yourself regularly that avoiding assertive actions (standing up for what you feel is acceptable behavior in a relationship) empowers you to create positive and supportive relationships. These relationships in turn help you to grow and succeed as a human being.

What's that little voice inside telling you?

It can be quite shocking to take note of your internal language from time to time. We often hear experts talking about how important it is to think positively, however, we rarely stop to evaluate what is going on in our mind from day to day (minute to minute).

Little experiences, such as running late , having too much on your plate, working with an unsupportive boss and dealing with negative people in your life, can lead to negative internal thinking - and in particular self criticism. These negative thoughts can then result in feelings of agitation - which over time - can cause you to lash out (respond in a snappy way) towards those you really care about.

At work you may be dealing with a boss who is very consumed in his own stress and doesn't have the time or energy to consider your feelings. At home you may be feeling overwhelmed about all the chores to be done when you're feeling tired and overworked already. In friendships you may be feeling rejected because your friends seem to only call you when they have a problem and need support. Day to day you may be feeling like a failure because the debts keep piling up and you can't seem to get on top of them. And so on...

These are all natural responses to situations many people experience day in and day out. The major issue with them, however, is their impact on your self worth as you berate yourself for not having the perfect life you may assume others in your life have achieved effortlessly. Further, whilst you may be aware of larger negative thoughts, such as "i hate my job", a range of negative thoughts lead up to the creation of that final one (such as "he hates me, he doesn't respect me, I'm not competent enough, I shouldn't be here, I'm not doing a good job etc...". Most of these negative self criticisms are not true, yet the more you hear your internal voice being negative, the more you believe it.

It's all well and good to say "Just stop thinking negatively"... If only it was that easy!!! Negative thinking is fast, very sneaky & can often catch you off guard. So the key is to open your awareness & try not to let your guard down. This means regularly stopping to evaluate your thoughts and in particular being mindful of what is going on in your mind when you have nothing to distract it (eg when you're cleaning, opening junk emails, traveling on public transport, exercising and meditating). These are the perfect moments for your mind to wander and remind you of everything you're worried about.

The more you catch yourself in the moment of negativity - especially mindless negativity - the more you can stop it in its track, refocus & reduce its reappearance. So, you can take another step closer towards positive energy and creating your ideal life.

To find more support and inspiration visit:

www.happylife.net.au

www.lifesuccesscoachs.com