Reduce your stress this Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a time for kindness, fun and love. Unfortunately it is often the opposite for many people, because instead of focusing on the blessings in life, it can pose a time to focus on lack - particularly when loved ones have been lost, are sick or are no longer on speaking terms. 

The true meaning of Christmas is signified beautifully in this early definition found in The American magazine, vol. 28 (1889), pg 742:

"to give up one's very self — to think only of others — how to bring the greatest happiness to others — that is the true meaning of Christmas"

Modern life has confused the true meaning of Christmas with the size, quality and number of Christmas presents you give and receive. But the true meaning of Christmas lies in the warmth and love you can bring to your life and to the lives of those you love during this festive season. 

Just think about the difference you could make to your Christmas table by taking the time to write or tell those you love how much you care about them.

 If money is an issue, think about giving cheaper gifts that will create a special memory for others, like home baked cookies wrapped in nice paper, a beautiful Christmas Tree ornament, or a poem written in beautiful paper and laminated. These things will be remembered much more than expensive trinkets. 

This Christmas also take time to bring warmth back into your home. If you are musical, choose a new song to sing/play each year, or create fun games to play like sherades to break the ice and detract from negative energies. 

Don't make presents the centre of attention - make little cards with one word that signifies what the person means to you & attach these to your gifts. 

 Focus on the blessings you all have in your life. Ask each person to say 1 thing they are grateful for and one thing they are excited about in the New Year. Change the focus and mood by playing happy and fun Christmas music. 

Make this a Christmas to remember - for all the good reasons!

If you don't celebrate Christmas still take the time to focus on your blessings and on those you love. Make someone you love a card that tells him/her how much you care and appreciate having this person in your life.

Life will always be filled with ups and downs. If you are feeling a loss at Christmas - turn it around as much as possible. Remember the good times and what you are grateful for right now. It's not easy, but if you give thanks at the same time that you grieve, the pain will be just that bit more tolerable.

Focus on love and more love will come...

For more support contact Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

Or email at: info@happylife.net.au

Learning to trust your instincts

The daily punishment you can place your body & mind under - as a result of constant negative feedback - can leave you with a lack of trust in your inner instincts. You can learn over time that it's not safe to trust that inner voice that tells you it's time to speak up (particularly when there is a chance you may get hurt). 

Why might you feel insecure in your ability to trust your instincts? 

Often this happens as a result of rejections and others letting you down. When you are rejected by someone you love you can easily learn (incorrectly) that you are not a worthy person and also learn that your instincts about this person were not accurate. You can begin to wonder if you really can trust your guidance system that has led you into a situation where pain has been the outcome. 

Add to this when those you care about regularly let you down, you can learn not to trust your inner guidance system who once again led you to these relationships. 

What we tend to quickly forget is that 99.9% of times your inner voice has tried to warn you about others who may not be the best 'fit' for you, but you have allowed your desires 'in the moment' to drive your behaviour and hence pushed forward with people who time and time again let you down. 

The question you need to ask yourself is "when will I start to realise the importance of listening to my instincts?"

When you repeatedly ignore your inner voice you leave yourself vulnerable. You are vulnerable to:

-) being hurt by those who do not truly show you the respect you deserve

-) ignoring potential errors that could lead to future problems

-) rejecting opportunities to stretch your wings and be the person you truly want to be

-) not standing up for yourself

-) others developing an inaccurate picture of you

So you can see, learning to pay attention when your intuition is trying to speak up, is vital to your overall health, happiness and success in life.

Start today! 

Start to listen to your inner voice. Don't rush into decisions. Give yourself time and permission to do things in your own time. Don't ignore your inner drives - particularly out of fear. Act - when your instincts tell you to speak up. 

Trust your instincts - one instinct at a time!

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.hapoylife.net.au

Believe in your dreams and you will succeed

Self Belief is the key to your success!

You don't have to have self confidence in every aspect of your life to be successful or happy - BUT you DO need to have self belief in the areas you strive to succeed in. This is why you can be very successful in your career but feel lost in your relationships. Self belief is situation specific.

If you are regularly self sabotaging yourself or feel like a failure in a particular area of your life, take a close look at your level of self belief in this area. For instance if you haven't succeeded in your career - do you doubt your abilities? Do you allow internal or external circumstances to impact on your self confidence? If you have not succeeded in your desire to attract a long term partner - do you doubt your level of attractiveness? Do you believe you really deserve to be treated with love and respect? Do you think you have enough to offer a partner? Do you fear rejection? 

These questions must be answered and dealt with in order to increase your self belief and to drive you to continue to work towards achieving your desired goals. 

If you have established a desired goal, there MUST be a strong part of you that believes you deserve it and can actually achieve it, otherwise you wouldn't even try. However, often life circumstances negative thoughts, doubts and insecurities get in the way of these beliefs and curtail your efforts to succeed.

You must leverage on the inherent belief that you can and will achieve your desires! You must trust that your mind is smart enough to know not to create a desire that it believes is not achievable. Thus, it's important to recognise that you know deep down that your goals are achievable for you.

In order to trust your inner beliefs you must learn to ignore and challenge the negative beliefs and expectations of others and yourself. Those who care for you will not want you to struggle and hence may encourage you to push away your dreams. Those who are jealous of you may try to diminish your confidence. You internally may compare yourself to others who have already achieved success and be influenced by self doubt.

The key is to regularly remind yourself that your goals are achievable for you. With persistent effort and determination you will achieve your dreams at the perfect time for you. It's important to trust this.

So... The process of your journey is to map out your plan for success, regularly remind yourself of why you will achieve your goals and then focus in the moment on each step as you get closer and closer to your desires.

If your dreams are truly conceivable for you, they are achievable!

To find more inspiration and build your Self Esteem visit www.slefesteemonline.com.au 

If you want to create a peaceful world, start creating peace internally

We all search for peace. We want peace in the world, peace in our homes, peace at work, peace with our loved one, but we often forget about the importance of inner peace. In order to truly create a peaceful world we must begin with creating peace within ourselves. 

Many of us spend our daily lives riddled with moments of anger:

-) Anger at the violence and negligence we read/hear about in the news

-) Anger at people we believe have been rude to us

-) Anger at things for breaking down

-) Anger at those who have hurt us in the past

-) Anger about not reaching a desired goal

...... And so on

When you think about it, there is a lot you could potentially be mad about throughout the course of your day. The problem with holding on to anger though is that anger and resentment are two of the worst things you can do to your health and happiness. 

Collectively as a nation, so much anger cannot be good energetically to create a peaceful world. How can we expect peace in the world when we live our lives riddled with anger. Our only saving grace is the balance we create with love, laughter and fun. Just imagine how great your world would be to live in if there was much more of this joy and much less anger.

In order to create a peaceful world we must start within ourselves by altering our mindsets and perspective on life. Here are some examples of things you could do to increase peace in your life:

**Instead of focussing on how much you hate your boss, focus on feeling sorry for his/her negative attitude & then focus on your goals and doing your best

**Instead of getting angry with yourself for not following through on actions towards a desired goal, start to believe in your ability to motivate yourself and do anything small right now

**Instead of living your life in fear, focus on peace and harmony in the world

**Instead of focussing on how upset you are over another person's rude behaviour, trust in your own actions and focus on being true to yourself

We all have the power to change our lives and to alter the world around us by simply focussing on peace and happiness. Use your power every day to create the life you truly desire and deserve.

To learn how to build self confidence and gain self esteem visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au

Folloe us on Twitter @lohalloran72

Five ways to reduce stress at work

It's easy to say "just relax", but when you're feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to run first, you need a few quick fixes to get you back on track as quickly as possible. Below are a number of quick and easy ways to reduce stress whilst you're at work:

1) Write things down

Often the feeling of being overwhelmed comes from having too much in your mind and hence relying on your memory to get you through. The worst part of neglecting to write thins down is that your mind continuously reviews your list if tasks and in turn increases your anxiety over "all the things you still have to do". 

Take 5 minute to write down everything that's racing through your mind. It doesn't matter how small. The idea is to get these thoughts out of your mind and on to a notepad where you can refer to them later.

2) Take a break

You might think you don't have time to take a break, but the reality is if you take a short break (even 15 mins) and go for a walk, you will come back more refreshed, thinking much more clearly and feel like you can cope much better with the demands of your day. I would suggest taking some music to listen to and walking alone. If you want to walk with a friend make sure you avoid talking about work or stressful things in general, otherwise you're not having a proper mental break.

3) Eat slowly

When you're in a rush it's tempting to eat quickly to save time. However eating quickly can increase your heartbeat and cause digestive issues which will of course end up making you feel sick and even more stressed.

All you need is 5 minutes to just chew slowly and mindfully. In a way this becomes a little mental break. Once again avoid reading work related material whilst eating and avoid working with one hand and eating with the other.

4) Breathe 

The most obvious thing that happens when you're stressed is your heartrate increases and you begin to breathe very rapidly. Make sure you are conscious if your breath and slow down. You will work much more efficiently in this state, than if you allow your heartrate to race too rapidly.

5) Listen to some relaxing music 

Whilst you're engaged in something not too mentally taxing (like checking emails), listen to some relaxing music such as Bebel Gilberto's music. Take the music in and calm yourself down. 

Feeling calm in the workplace is essential for high performance, so don't dismiss it. Feeling calm you will feel much more in control. A simple 5 minute activity can settle you down and help you to think much more clearly - something that is often negatively impacted when stressed.

For more support or inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

Follow us on Twitter: @lohalloran72

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Why best friendships in a partnership are so important

I've spoken a fair bit about how easy it can be to take those close to you for granted. This common mistake happens regularly in intimate relationships and within close friendships/families and often ends in broken hearts. 

The craziness of modern life can often lead to placing your focus in the wrong place, assuming that those you love will always be there. However, when we look at our heirachy of importance in relationships, those we care deeply for must come first or at least be tended to regularly, in order to sustain a healthy relationship.

Whilst attracting the right partner can seem like the toughest part, maintaining a healthy and happy relationship that stands the test of time is much harder. The underlying foundation of relationships with such longevity is true friendship - being best friends, feeling attracted to each other and feeling comfortable in open and honest communication.

Wedding planners often tell me it is not uncommon these days for a couple to spend around $100,000 on a wedding. It's no wonder when you think about the fact that the idea of the romantic wedding is engrained into children from a very young age. Yet, the statistics show that there is a 50% divorce rate, indicating that these unions have a 50% chance of breaking up. 

Whilst there are a number of reasons why marriages fail, one reason is that partners are not the best of friends before walking down the isle (or committing to each other in a de-facto relationship). Part of being best friends involves enjoying spending time together, looking forward to seeing each other/speaking to each other and committing to being a team. Many individuals within a partnership can't wait to spend time with other people in their lives who appear to be more fun (eg avoiding a nagging partner at home). In doing so resentment builds up and couples move further and further away from friendship - and eventually the demise of their relationships.

If you're currently in a committed relationship take time to really look at your partner regularly and remind yourself of why you fell in love in the first place. Think about what first attracted you to each other, focus on how you would feel if you ever lost this person. It's vital to get in touch with these feelings regularly so that you never lose sight of what's really important to you.

If you are single, or in a new relationship ensure you look for a compatible partner that you are attracted to, but most importantly that you truly like spending time with, in order to develop a true best friendship over time. Begin with a great foundation and you will develop a partnership for life that can stand the rest of time.

For more inspiration visit Happt Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter at: @lohalloran72 or on Instagram at: lohalloran1

Are you really being rejected or do you just think you might be???

You can spend an aweful amount of time believing that you have been rejected by someone when in fact you are the one who has made a conscious effort to walk away from a person you know is behaving in a manner that is not healthy for you. 

Your gut instinct is a good indicator of appropriate behaviours. However often human beings interpret inappropriate behavior towards them as a reflection of another persons feelings towards them, when in fact the negative behaviours are a reflection of issues and circumstances rather than feelings. 

For instance, a child may interpret a father distancing himself when entering into a new relationship after a divorce as a sign he no longer loves her. However, the behaviour is not reflective of his love for his child. It is a reflection of circumstance - eg as a result of entering a new relationship in which the new partner wants him to distance himself from his child, he no longer has the strength to maintain the same close relationship with his daughter. The daughter in turn gets upset and begins to distance herself from her father because she no longer wants to get hurt. 

In this example the daughter is likely to think that her father has rejected her and no longer loves her. However, the truth is really that she has decided she does not want a superficial relationship with her father and as such has decided to walk away. Her father simply cannot give her what she wants - in his current world of experience. His behaviour has nothing to do with his feelings towards her. He still loves her the same amount. His behaviour has just changed - not his feelings.

The way you interpret the behaviours of others in your life directly impacts how you perceive yourself and your level of overall happiness in life. For instance you may interpret that a friend who always waits for you to invite her out (& rarely invites you first) doesn't really like you. However, this is not likely to be true. In fact her behaviour is most likely the result of her being too busy and just relying on you to be the 'organiser' within the relationship. In this situation, you then have the right to decide if this is the type of relationship you would like and to voice your feelings about the current situation. The worst thing you can do is just sit back and make false assumptions about how she feels about you and hence leer your self-esteem.

So really think carefully before you interpret someone behaviour as a rejection of you. It's important to be mindful of you perceive others because it directly impacts how you feel about yourself and often our assumptions about how others feel about us are completely untrue.

For more support follow us on twitter at: lohalloran72 or visit us online at: www.happylife.net.au or www.helpformums.com.au

Mapping out goals is crucial to personal & professional achievement

Do you have desires but find yourself self-sabotaging your success by not following through? 

The main 2 reasons goals are not realised are:

1) no clear roadmap for success

2) no commitment to the roadmap

Designing a roadmap to achieve your desires is extremely important, yet is often not undertaken, because it takes time. 

Let's take a common goal: weightloss/fitness. 

Most people who want to lose weight, but do not take the time to map out exactly what they have to do & how these requirements can fit in with current personal and professional commitments. So, even if they purchase a good plan (eg a weightloss program) they have not taken the time to adjust the program to make sure the requirements are achievable in view of current life commitments to work, home life, family and friends.

Another common example is in business. Many individuals have a desire to start a new business venture but do not take adequate time to write out and stick to a regularly updated business plan. They also do not take time to think about short/medium/long term goals and how these are going to be achieved - devising a plan for current gaps & business requirements in order to realise their dreams.

The second aspect - commitment is even more vital.

So often people say they want to achieve a goal but are not fully committed to it. In their heirachy of importance, they think it's up the top, but in reality the goal regularly takes a back seat to other priorities. In such instances individuals need to spend time thinking about whether the goal really is that important to them right now - in view of other commitments that continue to take precedent. If they don't take time to do this, they regularly feel depressed about not achieving a currently unrealistic goal. However, if they take time to really assess their level of commitment, they can discuss their desires with others in their life and accommodate requests accordingly.

It's easy to look at other successful people who have what you want and feel sad about your lack of success. However most of the time there has been planning and commitment behind their successes & this part is often forgotten. 

Take the time to map out your goals and then commit to each stage of your journey, so you can live in the moment & feel good about the fact that each step you commit to take along your journey takes you one step closer to your goals.

To find out How to improve your self esteem Click on this link, or visit www.selfesteemonline.com.au 

How often do you learn your life lessons from positive or negative life events?

We are often thinking about what we are missing in life and about all the tragic experiences we hear in the news and from people all around us. As a result we end up learning most of our life lessons from painful life experiences and often neglect to learn from our positive life experiences. In fact, we tend to disqualify and ignore most of them. Our focus is often in the wrong places as we absorb all the pain of life's hurtful events and forget to truly and regularly absorb the pleasure of our successes, our relationships and our daily achievements.

BUT WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE BE LIKE IF YOU CHOSE TO LEARN PRIMARILY FROM ALL THOSE POSITIVE LIFE EVENTS?

For example, what if you absorbed how kind, respectful, thoughtful and considerate all those people you encountered today were, rather than absorbing how rude one person was to you today? What if you focussed on that one person who smiled at you today, opened the door for you, gave way to you at a busy intersection, allowed you to order your coffee first, supported you when you were feeling nervous, gave you directions, or pressed the light for you at a pedestrian crossing? What if you focussed on how nice your close friend was for listening to you talk about your most recent problem, rather than leaving this experience still focussed on how tough your life is as a result of this problem?

All these little life events often go unoticed and unaknowledged, yet they have the power to teach you (in abundance) what a valuable person you are on this earth.Your value in life and your successes needn't be measured by the small number of negative events you encounter in life.

Yes, there are negative things happening all around us. However, we often assume life is terrible because we completely ignore, or do not trully take in how many multitudes of great (positive) things are happening all around us on a minute-by-minute basis. You just have to start paying attention and taking it in - REGULARLY....

Of course we are all human and when we hear about tragic events, we feel pain. However, we have a choice in how we interpret these events. Often the interpretation is that the world is a horrible and negative place. BUT.... this is categorically not true. For every negative events there are countless positive events. We have just been trained to primarily absorb and learn from these negative expereinces. However, we must learn to pay attention to all the positive life lessons we have surrounding us.

Instead of getting upset about being kept waiting for an appointment, focus on how nice the person who served you was once you were attended to. Instead of focussing on the one rude person who cut you off in traffic, focus on the 15 kind people who either smiled at you, gave way to you, or didn't cut your off. Instead of focussing on your one friend who is neglecting you, focus on the other friends who are being kind to you and supporting you. Instead of focussing on your family member who is being disrespectful to you, focus on the 10 other family memebers who are being kind to you. Instead of focussing on your lack of intimacy, focus on all the affection you do receive (e.g. from your children, parents, friends).

I am not suggesting you live in denial and ignore your painful life experiences. The main message here is to not become obsessed by them and learn (incorrectly) that they are a reflection of you or society at large. When negative things occur to you personally, or you are affected by the pain and suffering of others, you have to allow yourself time to grieve and reach a level of acceptance. When these events occur though, you have the option of either allowing them to convince you that they are a reflection of how negative society and people in general are on this earth. OR... you can choose to understand that these events are a part of life and do not reflect the nature of most people living on this earth. In fact, most people are kind and loving. Most people care about the wellbeing of others. However, at times, negative experiences occur and we must cope accordingly.

The mistake human beings often make is learning negatively from negative life events and failing to learn positively (to balance out the negatives) from positive life events. If you spent most of your time focussing on the positive things around you, you would be able to assess more clearly negative life events for what they are and not draw negative conclusions about yourself and the world around you as a result of these events.

Take time to pay attention to the world around you. Don't miss out of the many opportunities you have to observe happiness, kindness and generosity all around you. Give yourself the chance to have a more balanced and accurate picture of the world around you. It might take concentration, but it is so worth it!

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

How do we find a sense of hope in the face of such terribly times?

I've been asked this question a lot lately. It's a tough one because it's easy to lose hope in humanity and compassion during times of human suffering. For some reason those who deliberately hurt others are focused so much internally about their own desires that they either ignore or simply cannot see or do not want to see the pain in others - often resulting from a determination to punish the world for their own or family/friends personal suffering - the old 'an eye for an eye' mentality.

In times like these, the only thing we can hold on to is a belief that most of the people in this world are essentially good people who care about others. We Need to focus strongly on the good in the world to create as much positive energy through focussing even more on love, peace & compassion in our own lives and in the world around us. If we do the opposite and focus on all the evil and negativity in the world we feed that energy instead.

We also really need a more balanced view of the world. We complain about the media saying that it's skewed in the negative, but why is it so? Yes there are the conspiracy theories, however the media are essentially selling a product and research shows that negative news sells. Think about it - even the glamour magazines have articles about murders or the worst dresses or famous overweight people - or those without make-up. Why do we want to read this? Do we think it will make us feel better to see that someone who appears to have so much, really isn't that happy after all? Does it justify our misfortunes in doing so?

Of course we need to be informed of world events so we can do our best to create a better world and to help those who are suffering. Also we must advocate for those suffering that do not have a voice. However I believe we need to do this in a way that serves us better as human beings and does not make us angry & bitter about the world. We do not have to feed this negative energy and create even more negative energy. 

We cannot erase the past or justify it in any way. We must do what we can to help others also focus on the power we have to create a better world in the here and now. 

Each individual has the power to control their mind and visualise for 5 mins every day a peaceful and loving world. Research shows when people meditate in groups about peace, for that time, crime rates decline. So we do have power in these amazing minds - let's put them to good use. Every morning, every night & on public transport visualise peace, love and happiness. It's easy and can only improve your mood and life.

Allow yourself time to grieve and heal during painful experiences, but Don't lose faith in humanity. Trust in your goodness & in the goodness of most people on this earth. 

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life: www.happylife.net.au 

Self esteem tip: How to Stop Self Sabotage Save View

Does fear cause you to run away just when you seem to be getting what you want?

Low self esteem is often coupled with self sabotage. People often think self sabotage sounds crazy - how can you reject something you tell others and yourself that you want so badly? Yet self sabotage is REALLY common.

At work people self sabotage all the time. They complain for years about feeling unfulfilled, stressed and undervalued. However, when a job presents itself that has all the potential to resolve many of their current complaints, individuals will finds things that must be wrong with this potential opportunity and remain where they currently stand - unhappy and frustrated & wondering just when is life going to change. 

In relationships people also have a strong tendency to self sabotage. They feel lonely and are tired of attracting negative relationships into their lives, yet when the opportunity to meet someone new (without inherent complications) presents itself they allow fear to interfere with their behaviour. So they often avoid taking the first step and reject the opportunity to commence something new.

There is something safe about staying put! Even though people may hate where they currently stand, they know what this space is like - they know they can cope with the unpleasantness (getting enjoyment from the fantasy of a potential better life). However, it takes an incredible amount of courage to say "I don't care how scary the unknown is.. I want my desires & I'm going to take a chance to get them". 

Most people spend their lives in the mode of self sabotage. They avoid taking risks and instead live a life in fear and hence very unhappy.

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence 

Every step you take outside your comfort zone poses a potential risk. The key to overall happiness is how you interpret these risks and subsequently move on. For instance, taking a risk in the past on a new relationship that ended badly could either leave you feeling jaded and scared of ever taking the plunge with a new potential partner, or leave you healing past the pain and trusting that the right person for you is just around the corner. Similarly, taking a risk on a new business venture that failed could leave you either feeling like a complete failure, or challenge you to tweak things and get better (eg the journey of most successful business ple has stories of set-backs that inspired them to achieve even greater things).

You can choose to take controlled risks, or huge risks - that's a personal decision. I'm not suggesting you create risks and seek them out. Simply, when it comes to your inner desires, seize opportunities when they are presented to you. The Universe is responding to your requests, so seize the moments. 

Live the life that makes you happy. 

How to build self esteem and reduce self confidence

Optimists creed

I came upon this creed and thought it was a wonderful thing to pass on and read regularly.

Enjoy...

The Optimist’s Creed

“Promise Yourself…

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about
your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press-on to the greater achievements
of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."

(From the book: “Your forces and how to use them” by Christian D. Larson

1912)

Which moments count most for you?

We talk a lot about the stages in grief and finally reaching the stage of acceptance to move on. Whilst one can move on after trauma, there are often triggers that bring up those sad feelings again. For me any song (and in particular 2 songs) by Radiohead remind me of my late brother in-law. My husband and I spent a lot of time with his brother listening to this beautiful music, so every time I hear these songs, I think of this time together. I am drawn to write this article, because as I sit here one of these songs is being played on the radio.

This relationship taught me a lot about how precious life is and how much we can take for granted. Being a Cancerian I have always been a family person. It means more to me than anything. However, I now really try to savour the moments I love with family, friends and loved ones. These are the moments that count.

A friend recently told me she was worried because she was going to miss an important meeting in order to attend a close relative’s funeral overseas. It didn’t take much convincing to help her to realise that the closeness of those you love is more important. Work can always be sorted out. We spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think of us, instead of trusting that we are doing our best and focussing on what is important. At the end of the day, in our final hours will we care about whether or not we made it to an important meeting, or more about all the special times we spent with those we love?

Yes, life demands a balance. As human beings we crave success, health and wellbeing – these all take time. However, the important thing is to ‘be present’ in the moments you have with people you care about. It’s all too easy to waste this time complaining about things that are bothering you. Save these complaints for specific times and have fun with those you love.

Take time out this week to tend to your relationships.

·         Email a friend you have been neglecting.

·         Skype a relative overseas

·         Pop in to visit a family member

·         Text a loved one to say you care or miss her

These precious times in your life increase your self-esteem and self-value and serve as wonderful memories throughout life. Yes they take time out of your busy schedule, but they are so...worth it.

 

Why does it seem so hard to take charge of your life ?

It's an interesting aspect of human existence that people would often rather remain in an unhappy environment rather than strive towards true happiness. Maybe this has something to do with our inherent mentality of "I'll be happy when..." - feeling defeated by the pain of the here and now.

If you think back in time to all the desires you longed for and finally achieved, how many of these do you re-focus on and remind yourself of how great you feel as a result of these achievements? Our brains seem to be wired to focus on thoughts such as "yeh I know I have that, but I don't want this present thing and therefore that's what I really want and then I will REALLY be happy". 

The sneaky truth is that there is never an end of the road because we will always be seeking new adventures, relationships, material pleasures. This is not a bad thing, however our assumption that these things will ultimately lead to happiness is flawed. 

As human beings we are meant to seek greater heights. We just need to accept this as a fantastic aspect of life, rather than a constant burden. We need to trust that we can map out the journey towards our goals and desires, but the road is likely to take many turns and when we reach our desired outcome we will question "what's next"??? 

Therefore the answer lies in being excited about your desires and trusting in your abilities to stand the test of time and pursue your dreams - riding the waves along the way! 

If you are in a situation or circumstance that is causing extreme unhappiness this focus is even more important. You need to trust in your abilities to get you there and focus on the excitement of small achievements along the way. Each achievement should get recognised and rewarded. For instance, having the discipline to sit down and study, completing a highly commended project, getting to gym 3 times this week, or eating healthy foods today. 

When you begin to relish in each achievement you gain closer perspective on how to enjoy the road ahead and appreciate each moment.

Life is to be lived, not wasted waiting until happiness falls upon you. It's your life. Live it & love it.

For more inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter at: @lohalloran72

Feeling tired? You might be emotionally drained

We tend to associate over tiredness with lack of sleep. It makes sense. Logically if you're sleep deprived you are going to feel tired. However, mental excursion is often at the route of daily tiredness and in fact is often the cause of sleep deprivation. 

Many people complain of sheer exhaustion and feeling Burnt out at the end of a hard day at work. As a result they associate the environment and actual job with tiredness. However, a lot of the tiredness comes from worrying about external factors, such as everything of their to-do list, their ability to perform a task in a particular time, or complete a job to a particular standard.

 

A 2012 article in the Psychology Today magazine defined feeling burnt out as:

"...a state of chronic stress and frustration that leads to:

• physical and emotional exhaustion; 
• feelings of cynicism and detachment; and
• a sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment." See: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201205/where-do-you-fall-the-burnout-continuum

Whilst you may not be experiencing all these symptoms, if you are regularly feeling mentally drained at the end of the day, it's time to start having a look at how you are processing information throughout your day. For instance, if you engage in a lot of negative thinking throughout the day (such as complaining about people that upset you at work), you are straining your mind and filling it with very draining thoughts. These thoughts then lead to negative feelings.

Office politics often results in employees feeling as though they are not being heard. They thus turn to each other for support and to vent. Whilst this can be helpful, regularly complaining about the same issues is detrimental to your health and rarely actually improves the issues being discussed. A better approach is to focus on what you can control and then take action to either rectify the issues internally in the current workplace, or start to make plans to move on. Staying where you are and complaining every day about it simply exhausts you mentally and physically.

If you enjoy your job but the workload is just too high, it's important to take time out from your current environment and make plans to set better boundaries and processes. Complaining about his much  work you have on your plate is highly unlikely to alter your situation because most people feel they are overworked in a busy workplace and with hence find it difficult to emplathise with you. Instead, be open about what you are capable of achieving. Set clear expectations and don't over promise to deliver work when you have the opportunity to set more realistic goals and expectations.

Each day make a commitment to first plan out your day and then operate in the here and now, rather than worrying about what you still want to do, or are dreading doing. Most importantly, when walk out of the office door - mentally switch off and leave your work stress where it belongs - back in the office. This simple process will begin to reduce negative mental stress and will provide you with more sustained positive energy throughout your whole day. It will also reduce the reliance on medication, stimulants and relaxants to get you through the day.

For more support and inspiration visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au or follow us on Twitter @lohalloran72  

Do you procrastinate out of fear of failure?

One of the most common reasons people procrastinate is because they fear if they try and do not succeed at achieving a desire, it means they either will never achieve it or they are inherently a failure as a person. As a result of such beliefs they are motivated to want a particular desire, but appear from the outside to be unmotivated to want to work to achieve it.

Getting into shape is a great example of this. Outsiders often assume that overweight (& unhappy) individuals are just lazy. However, it's much more complicated than that. Often when you are unhappy with your weight, you can convince yourself that it's going to be too hard to maintain it (eg thinking "what if I lose all this weight & then can't sustain the weightloss"?). The fear of failure thus results in overeating in an attempt to soothe negative feelings in the present moment when feeling like a failure, rather than engaging in actions to try to change the current circumstance.

The same analogy can be used for work. So often people will settle for jobs that do not fulfill them because they fear the potential failure that may befall if they step outside of their comfort zone (eg  thinking "what if I go for that job & don't get it?; "what if I audition for that show and don't get the part?"; "what if I put my hand up for that promotion and don't get it?"). These fears can easily result in remaining safely in a place where one can feel unfulfilled & just wish and pine over a future that is within thier grasp, but they are too afraid to try for.

In all these scenarios people are focussing on the outcome - the job; the weight loss; the promotion - rather than focussing on what's most important - being happy now on the present! The focus needs to be in the here and now because No matter how hard we try, we are never 100% in control of our outcome - that's what makes life so interesting.

The real key missing ingredient though is self belief. Before you attemp to achieve any new goal, you must increase your self belief. You must trust that you are the  best. You must also have high resilience because the road to achieving your desires is often met with bumps along the way. For instance, you may battle your internal negative thoughts, the disbelief others may have in you, financial setbacks, timing issues and so on. This is normal in any journey towards your desires because we are often competing with the thoughts and beliefs of others in our environment and these May conflict with your own desires. So, you must believe in yourself and believe you can and will persist in the face of any obstacles that stand in your way.

Once you feel the strength of your self confidence and trust in your resilience you can and will battle through any feelings of procrastination. You will trust that every step forward is a step in the right direction. You will know in your heart that your dreams are already achieved  in your mind & are on their way.

For more inspiration and support visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

Self esteem boost: Don't seek change in others

If you are searching for changes in your life you must first make changes internally.

Do you ever think if only circumstances, events or people would change, life will be better? What's intersting about this misconception is that the way the universe works, you attract into your life experiences that match your internal moods. Psychologically you can interpret this as your life reflecting back at you your perceptions and beliefs.

It seems logical to think if only the horrible boss, friend, family member, partner or acquaintance would change your life would be easier and happier. Yet even when you free yourself from these people without addressing internal beliefs and values, there will be someone just as horrible waiting for you around the corner to make life feel just as miserable. In reality there are plenty of similar thinking people in this world to attract and you will continue to attract them unless you are clear about your boundaries. This is a core aspect of improving self esteem - accepting that you cannot change others. First you must change your thinking and feeling and then your circumstances will change.

The real issue to address is 'what are you thinking and feeling on a regular basis that is attracting such people into your life and what are you saying (verbally and non-verbally) is ok through your actions? When you don't stand up for yourself and allow others to treat you with little respect, you demonstrate that you accept such treatment. 

When others hurt you, you must look internally and ask yourself what am I missing here? Have I allowed this behaviour to go unaddressed in the past? Have I addressed the issue and been Ignored? Have I excused the behaviour? Is this behaviour the result of me being too passive to say what I would really desire?

Liking yourself is crucial to how to build self esteem
In order to truly be happy you must be happy with who you are. By increasing your own self belief and sticking to your values and beliefs, others around you will quickly learn the ways they should treat you. By working on increasing your inner strength and internal personal power, you can stand strong in the face of negative experiences and walk away feeling healthy and happy.

You have to be your own first priority - never forget that. Care for others, but never at the expense of your personal values and beliefs. Be strong and live happier and healthier.

To learn how to build confidence and gain self esteem visit Happy Life at: https://www.selfesteemonline.com.au

Why it's so important to increase self-esteem

The underlying cause of a lot of unhappiness is low self-esteem (a lack of confidence in your own worth or abilities). Self-esteem is the product of your life history, genes and circumstance. Low self-esteem is usually coupled with insecurity and self-doubt. These negative aspects of the 'self' have a nasty habit of causing self sabotage and reducing confidence. 

It's heartbreaking to witness how low self-esteem debilitates ones life through fear and doubt. The cruelest part of low self-esteem is that no matter how strong your belief is about how much you believe you deserve something, low self-esteem will find a way to ruin any chances of success unless you manage or heal it.

Let's look at the example in relationships. It's a strong desire for most people to attract and maintain a loving, supportive and fun intimate partner. When the relationship is yet to manifest, the desire intensifies until the universe nicely conspires to place you at the right place at the right time to form this potential partnership. If your self-esteem is moderate to high you will be yourself, show your best qualities and allow the relationship to grow organically. However, if your self-esteem is low you will panic at the slightest perception your potential partner has lost interest, behave in ways inconsistent with your true values and sacrifice much more of yourself than is appropriate in order to sustain a relationship that deep down you don't believe you truly deserve.

Similarly, when it comes to changing your career path, if you do not have a high self-esteem you will procrastinate, make poor decisions and avoid taking potential risks due to a very high fear of failure. 

How you feel about yourself directly impacts on your life success and overall happiness.

Thus, before you embark on any life change, it's imperative that you first work on increasing your self-esteem.

Whilst there are short-term quick- fix solutions to increasing your self-esteem, it usually takes a bit of time to firstly find the underlying causes of low self-esteem and then to begin to increase your self worth and self confidence using a variety of techniques. 

Whilst it can take time to fully increase self-esteem, a great way to begin boosting self-esteem is through validation (internal and external). This means acknowledging and welcoming the praise you receive by others and taking the time to regularly give yourself praise for every little job well done - instead of just disqualifying it as another job to tick off your to-do list. These could be as simple as prising yourself for:

- posting a profile on a dating site

- contacting someone you have a crush on

- attending an event that made you feel nervous

- completing a daunting presentation

- applying for that great job

- speaking up about something you feel strongly about

- paying your bills on time

- investing your money

- cleaning your home

- making time to care for a loved one

- spending time with a friend from overseas or interstate

On a daily basis you do a myriad of fantastic things that you either ignore or downplay simply because they are not as important as the tasks you have decided are most important to lead you towards achieving your long term goals. Whilst these tasks are great measures of success, taking time to acknowledge all the other great things you're doing daily will increase your self-esteem. In turn it will increase your confidence in your abilitiy to make your larger desires a reality. 

So praise yourself and others regularly and be proud of all the wonderful things you do for yourself and others on a daily basis.

Be mindful of your self-esteem and seek help if you need assistance to boost your self worth.

For more information or support for low self-esteem visit: http://www.happylife.net.au/self-esteem_online.html

Deciding the improve your life instead of 'change' your life

It is very interesting to note the impact that an alteration in your language can have on how you feel about yourself and your life overall. Altering your internal language to say you want to improve your life rather than change your life is a very good example of this.

When you say you want to change your life, the underlying message (implication) is that overall your life is terrible and hence needs a complete change. However, this is not true. Every person can finds things in life to be happy about and proud of, such as:

- saving money for a holiday

- finishing a degree/course

- supporting a friend or loved one

- buying a home

- buying a car

- getting into shape

- creating close friendships

- helping a client at work

- delivering a speech 

- taking a risk that paid off

.... And so on...

The pursuit of goals and desires

Often you can find yourself unhappy with your current situation because your goals and desires are not manifesting quickly enough - or at all (eg wanting a career change, a partner, a baby, more money, close friends). This perceived failure can cause you to tell yourself regularly that your life is unsuccessful and therefore you 'must' find a way to change your life in order to find happiness. Believing this can leave you feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. 

Telling yourself you must change also implies you can't stand things the way they are now, yet you are already 'standing' things right now. It might not be pleasant but you are stronger than you most likely give yourself credit.

Changing your language

If you alter your language simply by saying 'i want to improve my life', the implication will be that there are many things to be happy about right now, but you want more (eg you already have some great friends, you have money to survive, you have a loving partner .. And so on). 

This new way of speaking serves to empower you and motivate you to achieve your desires. In other words, you start to believe you can and will enhance your life and that your life to-date is pretty good, despite not yet achieving your current desires.

You have a right to want more. In fact, the pursuit of desires is what makes life so exciting. See your goals as a way of enhancing your life and be appreciative and mindful of what you achieved so far.

For more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au

How much do you put up with in relationship?

It's interesting to note that one of the by-products of being a nice person and wanting relationships to work - is accepting less than you are worth just to either keep the peace, or to try to avoid the possibility of someone leaving you.

Women are the most likely candidates for this behaviour. Many women get drawn into the media hype surrounding age and babies and end up believing they have to meet someone before it's too late. Others interpret failed relationships as a reflection of being unworthy or unloveable. In both instances, when such women meet a potential partner, they put up with much more than they normally would, out of fear the relationship might end. 

All relationships need compromise, however this type of compromise refers to behaviours such as accepting friends and family you may not get along with, accepting hobbies and passions you may not find interesting and giving up things you love during times when a partner needs support. These compromises are very different to compromising on being treated with respect (eg accepting your partner regularly ignoring you, or not considering your feelings and needs) or compromising on trust (eg accepting your partner having an emotional affair, or accepting your partners hot & cold feelings towards you based on daily moods).

At the heart of every relationship there must be a strong foundation. Therefore, at the beginning of any new relationship you must be clear about your values and speak up when behaviours make you feel uncomfortable. 

I can recall being 16 years of age dating my first real boyfriend who turned out to be a very bad mistake on my behalf - we live and learn. Every time he would come to pick me up from home in his car, he would just beep the horn outside and expect me to run outside. One day, I thought to myself that I was not comfortable with this disrespectful behaviour. So, I waited and waited. Instead of walking up to the door, he drove off. When he arrived home he called me and was furious when I told him I wasn't going to be treated like that any more. Well, he soon leant and began to knock on the door to greet me and never again honked the horn outside. Whilst this relationship didn't work out, I gained huge respect for myself and I learnt how to stand up for myself without fear of consequence.

In all relationships, we must inform others of how we want to be treated. For instance, telling a friend you are not comfortable with her cancelling plans at the last minute regularly, or telling a child you don't appreciate being spoken to in an aggressive/sharp tone. These boundaries should not be compromised. When you allow yourself to cross that line you never feel good about it, regardless of how well you try to convince yourself there is an excuse or reason behind certain behaviours.

The key ingredient necessary here is self respect. When you respect and value yourself, you feel confident enough to trust that you will always have people who love you in your life. Thus, if others will only be with you if you devalue yourself, you can walk away with confidence.

We all want to be loved and cared for, but at what cost? By all means give of yourself to care for others, but never compromise on respect and trust. You deserve more.

For more support and inspiration visit:

Happy Life

www.happylife.net.au

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Is less exercise better for your health

Every day it seems there is new research into what type of physical activity is best for our health and to keep us in best shape. Most recent research suggests shorter high-intensity workouts are better for our overall health (eg for lowering cholesterol) compared to long distance endurance exercise. 

In a Canadian study by Little et al (2010) investigating the effects of high intensity shorter workouts, researchers were able to show the incredible benefits of shorter, high-intensity exercise. They showed that 10 one-minute intervals of strenuous exercise led to the same changes within muscle cells as a 90 minute bike ride (ridden at moderate intensity). This research was consistent with other studies demonstrating similar comparative results. So, when it comes to maintaining your health, short-intense workouts may be the go.

The only issue with these shorter workouts is they are not as likely to result in weight loss as longer exercise programs. However, when it comes to weightloss a lot of research now suggests healthy eating is the key. Simply paying attention to your food consumption habits and avoiding processed foods as much as possible, will make a big difference to your waistline.

Then there is the question of mood benefits. A study conducted by O'Halloran et al, (2004) demonstrated most mood improvements in runners was not detectable until 25-40 minutes into a run when participantsreported feeling less tense, more clearheaded, less depressed and more energetic.

Personally, I find music and high intensity exercise are the biggest factors when it comes to boosting mood during physical activity. Research shows when music is played at a the perfect volume it improves mood. Couple this with high intensity exercise and low processed eating you have a great formula for quick-fix mood benefits and sustainable weightloss.

So, maybe it's time to re-think your physical activity habits and do some research into more efficient and effective exercise programs that will give you back more time and will actually increase your overall health.

For more inspiration and support, visit Happy Life at: www.happylife.net.au

References

O'Halloran, P.D., Murphy, G., & Webster, K.E. (2004). Mood during a 60-minute treadmill run: Timing and type of mood change. International Journal of Sport Psychology, 35(4), 309-327.

Little, J.P., Safdar, A., Wilkin, G.P., Tarnopolsky, M.A., & Gibala, M.J. (2010). A practical model of low-volume high-intensity interval training induces mitochondrial biogenesis in human skeletal muscle: potential mechanisms. Journal of Physiology, 588, 1012-22.

Making those 10 minutes count

Most of the things we procrastinate over take around 10 minutes to perform. Yet we often avoid these things because we assume they are either  too difficult, too stressful, or too time consuming to perform.

It dawned on me last night as I was playing with my cat how easily I can convince myself that I just don't have time to engage in things that will only take 10 minutes of my life. Playing with my cat is a great example of this. That 10 minutes of play resulted in a night filled with peace. Tonight she also jumped on my lap for a cuddle - something she has struggled with for many years as a result of extreme anxiety. So that 10 minutes of my life resulted in a two fantastic outcomes.

Just think about all the important things in your life that you are possibly avoiding, that if undertaken would only really take10 minutes. 

Examples of 10 minute activities:

Meditating 

Calling a friend or family member

Playing with your child

Talking to your partner

Paying a bill

Sending an important email

Buying something online

Cleaning a room in your home

Speaking to your boss

Writing a plan for a university assignment

Scoping a work project

Now, think about just one of these 10 minute exercises that could improve your life if enacted regularly. For instance, if you often put off calling your family, you are likely to feel stressed about phoning on a regular basis. However, if you set aside 10 minutes every week to call and ensured you only spoke for 10 minutes, you would reduce your guilt and feel more in control of your life. In addition you would begin to build a much closer and fulfilling relationship with your family. Similarly, if you keep avoiding to send an important email, you will create a great deal more stress than if you sent it when it was due. By telling yourself it will only take 10 minutes, you can resolve the issue, move forward and feel a sense of relief from ticking off another task  from your to-do list.

Such tasks take up only small segments of time, yet if regularly ignored, can have a dramatically negative impact on your life. In the case of my cat, should I choose to neglect her 10 minute play, my punishment is a night of distressing miaowing, followed by an early morning wake up call. However, if engaged in10 minute activities can dramatically positively influence your life for the better.

So next time you are procrastinating over a 10 minute task, remind yourself that these 10 minutes will be worth every second to the quality of your life, in the long run.

For more inspiration and to learn how to build self esteem and gain confidence visit Happy Life at: www.selfesteemonline.com.au or follow us on Twitter at: @lohalloran72 or on Instagram at: @how_to_build_self_esteem

The joy of living within your means

I speak often of the pressures that befall us in modern western life. These pressures cause us to feel as though our lives are less than perfect. We live in a society that fosters competition and social comparison. Add to this our need for instant gratification and pleasure. It's no wonder so many people have major issues with credit card debt. These cards make it very easy to assume you are spending your own money. Until one day you receive the dreaded credit card bill and before you know it you have accumulated a debt which will take years to pay off. 

These debts accumulate because western society convinces its inhabitants that without the latest gadgets life is too hard and stressful. Cars, televisions and mobile phones are a perfect example of this. The minute you buy a new car, a new one which is pitched as markedly superior is created. It doesn't take long for you to stop seeing the benefits of your new car and wishing you had the money to but the newer model. 

What's really interesting is that no matter how much money you earn, you will tend to engage in the same behaviours in regards to spending and saving. If you are used to having credit card debt, you will simply purchase more expensive items when your salary increases and end up with a similar (or greater) debt. In theory you would assume that as your income increases, you stay living within your means and save this money or use it to pay off debts. But this rarely happens in reality. Most people become accustomed to a new income bracket and just increase their spending (or choose more expensive items) to match their pay.

You can imagine the stress that is caused by constantly living in debt and hence living well above your means. In the society we live in, it is not possible to escape the pressures placed on us to strive for the best lifestyle possible. We have created a society that places people into classes depending on income. For instance in order to have a good seat at the football, you need to buy a season seat. To sit in the front row at a show, you have to purchase VIP tickets. To arrive at your holiday destination feeling refreshed, you need to buy a first class ticket. To give your children a first class education, you have to pay very high fees for private tuition. Thus, if you cannot afford these luxuries you can feel as though you're missing out, which can result in your lowered self-esteem.

So how can you feel happier living within your means?

One of the best ways to get around this issue is to consciously think about what's most important to you and then to create a budget that makes debt reduction and savings a priority. One if the things we do know is that we find a way to live with what we have. You will only spend money on a credit card if you have one! Similarly, if you put aside an amount of money (of your choosing) for debts and saving and pretend you don't have this money, you will become accustomed to living without that extra money. The by-product of this action is that you will also begin to alter your attitude towards money as you begin to feel excited about what you could spend that savings on.

When you aspire to attain something that is outside of your means, make a detailed plan to achieve it. For instance, if you would like to renovate you home, but have not yet save the money, decide on how you will save or borrow this money - whilst living within your means. Also give yourself a realistic timeframe in which to achieve this goal. Then, whenever you see something that reminds you that you have not yet achieved your goal, focus on the process you have outlined to get you there. If you fail to engage in this last step, you'll place yourself in an emotionally vulnerable position, in which you are likely to feel desperate to change your sutuation and impatiently spend money you don't yet have (and hence place yourself under enormous pressure) in order to increase your mood. 

Therefore the key to feeling happy whilst living within your means, is being patient and trusting that by following your processes, you will achieve your desires.

If you have any great money saving tips, post them here to join in the discussion

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How to help someone who is feeling depressed

It is very hard for those who have never suffered a depressive episode to truly understand how debilitating this state of mind can make the sufferer feel. From the outset it can seem as though the sufferers life is so perfect. You may even think 'how can this person possibly be depressed with how successful, attractive, social and caring he/she is?'

However, depressive thinking is not rational. In this state it is easy to disqualify any positives and to focus on the issues that are creating the depressive episodes. No matter how much others highlight the positives, the depressed person will find it difficult to disengage from the negatives.

The main core feelings underlying depression:

Hopelessness

Helplessness

Worthless

Therefore, these are the areas that require focus when you are trying to support someone who is feeling depressed.

Hopelessness

To assist with feelings of hopelessness, the individual needs to feel as though there is a manner in which he/she can take control. For instance, if a friend was feeling depressed about being single and having difficulty finding and sustaining a partner, the best support you could give would be to help her to regain self confidence and accompany her to places she is most likely to meet someone she is compatible with (such as joining a sporting club together, going out dancing together, hosting a dinner party with a potential single partner invited, or attending a social function together).

Giving your friend a feeling of control will help her/him to take steps to shift out of depression and regain hope in the future.

Helplessness

To assist feelings of helplessness the individual needs to feel as though she/he has sufficient resources and support networks available to get through the issues at hand. As a friend you can personally be there to provide support. However, in times of depression it is really critical to advise a depressed friend to seek professional help from a qualified therapist or life coach. 

Where therapists differs from a friend is in their perspective (enabling unemotional  support) and in the techniques used to move past depression into happiness and health. Your support as a friend will of course remain very important in times of depression, so one should not substitute the other.

Worthlessness 

In order to assist an individual to increase worthless feelings, it's important to increase internal validation. Reminding the person of past and current success is a good start. What is especially required is current evidence of being valued. Encouraging the person to help others and thus to see first hand appreciation for this assistance is a great way to see evidence of self worth.

The key here is tapping into the issues causing the depression. So if a person feels unattractive, taking her out for a beauty treatment or supporting her to get back into shape will help. If a person is feeling unloved, showing him those that love and support him will help. If a person is feeling like a failure, engaging her in activities you know she will do well in will also help.

In addition to these supportive techniques above, it is very important to encourage healthy eating and increasing physical activity. Thee two behaviours have a huge impact on moods. Being a good friend could be as simple as supporting your friends to get healthy. 

Always remember that there is tremendous power in friendship support. Your ability to help a person in need is one of the most valuable and rewarding aspects of being a human being.

To seek help with depression visit The Happy Life website at: www.happylife.net.au

Often all you need is a little hope

There is much to be said for adding a little hope to your life. 

Those who have a religious background understand the power of hope quite intimately. Religions are predominantly based on the promise of hope for a better life. Having faith assist believers to through the toughest times because there is the innate belief that God will always look after you and help you get through even the toughest circumstances.

In every day life you can also use the same philosophy to get you through every tough times - simply by focussing on how you can increase hope. For instance, let's say you have been feeling very lonely as a result of your desire for an intimate partner. You try to stay positive, but often feel like you're luck is never going to change. After a while you lose hope and just stop trying to meet your ideal partner. 

If you really gave up all hope at the point you would close yourself off from all the  opportunities to meet potential partners in the future. However, if you took decisive action to increase your chances of meeting your perfect match, you would increase hope and find your life changes very quickly.

Every struggle can lend itself to times of despair. It can be difficult to find hope in times of financial strain, physical exhaustion, loss, stress and when you feel overwhelmed and undervalued. Yet there are countless examples of individuals who have successfully overcome these struggles. 

What's their secret? 

The secret to their success comes down to taking action regardless of their feelings (and especially when they are feeling down) and being extremely clear about what they want. A classic example of this is when you feel depressed and hopeless in a current occupation. When you begin having an open dialogue with your Manager, begin looking for a better job, or start editing your CV it's incredible how quickly you begin to feel a sense of hope and your ability to cope with your present circumstance increases immensely.

We all need hope. Whatever situation you are struggling with (or someone close to you is struggling with), commit to finding rays of hope. Do anything to feel as though you are moving in your chosen direction. Every time you take control over your life, you increase your level of hope.

How focussing on the negatives can create a prisoner in your own mind

One of the most common patterns of thinking involves focussing (and regularly discussing) how bad you feel because you don't yet have what you desire. Classic thoughts of lack include:

* My home is too small or too old

* I am getting too old to have children

*I don't have enough money

*I hate my body

*I am tired all the time

*I don't have any great friends

*I will never have a great intimate relationship 

It's human nature to ponder on these beliefs and to discuss them with your friends and relatives. However, if the majority of your thoughts are in this headspace, you are likely to lose track of reality as these thoughts begin to infiltrate your very existence. You can become consumed by them, to the point where you rarely allow you to have fun and relax. Instead you find yourself complaining about the same issues over and over again in the hope that either you, or someone else will find the perfect solution for you. Yet this rarely occurs.

Speaking regularly about things you currently are unable to change leaves you feeling trapped and a complete hostage to your negative thoughts and beliefs. Yes, we all need to vent our frustrations from time to time. However, when you are complaining without finding potential solutions to your problems and then actively taking decisive action to change your life for the positive - you are simply living within the confines of an imprisoned mind.

It's important to regularly check in with yourself and take note of the conversations you have with those closest to you. For instance, you may regularly be complaining about the job you hate, the boss who is a bully, the friend who lets you down, the baby you really desire and the partner you long for. If this is the case, assess the outcome of these conversations. Have you had any breakthroughs and changed your life as a result of these conversations? Your answer to this question will be quite telling. If you are having these conversations regularly it is most likely that you're either making little or no progress, are in a situation that can't be altered right now, or you simply are not ready to step out of your comfort zone to change. Be aware of where you sit in terms of wanting change.

Life will always throw dilemmas our way. However, it is part of our growth to learn from these issues and to take action to positively impact your life and those you care for.

To find more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au

Who decides on your reality?

It's very interesting to start to delve deeper into the mind. This pondering begs to question how two people can experience the exact same event and yet have completely different views on what transpired.

When you think about the way we conceptualise reality, this phenomenon seems quite impossible. After all, isn't what we see reality? 

In reality, what we observe and how we interpret our observations, make up our reality. Your perceptions will be directly related to your current emotional state and your history. A person who is generally feeling happy will view a potentially negative event in a much more optimistic light, than a person who is feeling depressed. Yet the event remains in Essence the same.

If you can accept this concept to be true, you can accept a concept one step further and believe that the way you think about your environment directly mirrors your perception of reality. Thus, what you think about - you truly create!

Our whole existence is based on believing our real world outside of us makes us feel particular ways. People often think "The job makes me uphappy, the money problems make me unhappy, the partner makes me unhappy" and so on... 

However, in reality it is our perception of these events that cause us to be unhappy, rather than the events themselves. By choosing to alter your perceptions, you not only find liberation in the face of adversity, but you find a path to creating new and more pleasant realities.

We go back to meditation because it is a powerful way of controlling your thoughts and opens up the window to create your desires future. If you can't find time to meditate right now, at the very least take opportunities where possible to focus on feelings of happiness. Travelling to work is a perfect time to engage in positive thinking. Wearing dark sunglasses on a train enables you to close your eyes in a crowded environment without any embarrassment.

During these times of meditation think about how you can start to create the positive energy in you that you want to project externally. You don't need to worry about the outcome. If the laws of quantum physics are correct - like energy attracts. So your greatest job in life is to ensure your mindset and emotional state match the same mindset you believe you will have only once you receive your desired outcome. Feeling before seeing!! TRUST is the key ingredient. 

It's a shift in your way of thinking, but it's so worthwhile to really begin to enjoy each day in your life journey.

For more support and inspiration visit: www.happylife.net.au