Why do you really want be healthy or lose weight?

It's very interesting to note the magnitude of weight loss products available on the market, yet more and more adults, adolescents and children are struggling with weight gain. So, what's missing?? There must be a piece of the puzzle missing.

Why does it seem to be so easy for some & yet so hard for others to stick to a balanced diet and fitness regimen? Those who find it easy may assume it's just as simple as making a decision to be fit and healthy, but this is not accurate. Often there are various underlying issues which make is much harder for some to achieve their health and fitness goals. I have yet to meet someone who didn't reach their goals because they were lazy!

What's the secret then to becoming a healthy individual: the answer lies in the reasons behind deciding to be healthy. When you're trying to shift behaviour, it's not enough to want it. It has to be imperative and there must be a significant consequence to not engaging in the desired behaviours that lead to heathy living. In other words you must feel that you have no choice - but change!

Once you have reached this point, then you can start to focus on how great you feel - as a way of sustaining motivation, because by this point it has become a way of life. At this habit stage, the routine if healthy living becomes automatic and enjoyable.

The secret thus lies in finding your crunch point. Figuring out - What's going to happen to you if you don't change your behavior today? You may take time to discover your drive. However, if you really want to live a long and successful life, you owe it to yourself to stop looking in envy at other people who are leading the life you really believe you should be living and then go for it.

Start thinking about the cost of living an unhealthy life in terms of the following:

-) money (how much do you end up spending on medical & alternative therapy trying to undo the damage you've caused by your unhealthy lifestyle?)

-) work (how many promotions are going to pass you by as a result of your lack of energy and lack of mental clarity?)

-) love life (how many potential and current partners are you going to self sabotage as a result of lacking in confidence)

-) health (how sick do you have to become before it really matters?)

... And so on

The more you focus your attention here, the more weight you will give to your reasons for changing your lifestyle. 

You owe it to yourself to life your best life & to live a long, happy & successful life

To find more inspiration visit Happy life at: www.happylife.net.au or www.helpformums.com

Coping with challenges in the office

How much do you value your work and how much validation do you seek from your job? One of the biggest traps you can fall into in your professional career is placing too much of your self worth on your performance and treatment within your office. 

It was not that long ago that primarily men went to work - just to pay the bills in order to enjoy their 'real' life outside of the office. Over time, the demands of modern life have driven both men and women into very stressful and demanding roles which mentally can be very difficult to leave at work once retired for the day. Modern technologiy also allows work to encroach on your personal life - if need be (or you set a precedent to allow it to enter into your personal life). 

As a result of the extended hours and pressures placed on you as a professional, it's highly likely that you will draw a great deal of your self worth, confidence and drive from the validation you receive from work. However, herein lies the major problem. Everyone at work is feeling the same pressures and thus you have to just hope you have a good manager who has the time and energy to give you praise and recognition for a job well done.

It is for this reason that the best option is to separate yourself emotionally from work. It is also important to see it for its inherent value - as an exchange of goods, services and ideas (hopefully) for the betterment of society. Whilst it is a basic human need to feel self-actual used through the pursuit of excellence, in order to maintain a high self-esteem it is much more beneficial for you to seek your validation internally first and then from the people you love and trust most. 

Yes it is important to feel valued and respected at work, however widen your net. By all means validation from your colleagues and from people you respect, however do not judge your self worth against these potential validations. The sad fact about many modern day offices is that it is often not until an individual leaves that senior executives really learn how valuable they were to their organization. Thus, a paucity of praise is more likely to reflect an office culture than it is to be an indication of your intelligence or ability.

Put work into perspective and regularly internally praise yourself for all the jobs you do brilliantly on a daily basis. After all, that little internal critic can at times be the harshest of all.

To find more professional inspiration or support visit: www.lifesuccesscoachs.com 

How does your behaviour impact on others?

One of the most interesting parts of the Myers-Briggs personality test is the Feeling 'F' versus Thinking 'T' scale. This scale rates how you make decisions in your life and within the world around you. In other words, when you are making decisions, do you consider facts more than feelings? 

Those who rate very highly on the 'T' scale often find it difficult to empathize with others because their decisions are based primarily on ration facts. Thus, at work they can struggle in management positions when it comes to addressing their staff, as their (at times) tactless and abrupt manner often offends. They tend to find it very difficult to sugar coat issues and to truly empathize with emotional problems they cannot relate to. These individuals are unfortunately often completely oblivious to their impact on the health and well being of their staff.

In contrast, this Myers-Briggs scale is particularly interesting when you consider those who rate highly on the feeling scale. Often people who are strong 'F's on the scale assume they are very considerate and kind towards others. However, these very people can be completely unaware of their negative behaviour towards other considerate and kind individuals. Because they base their behaviour so strongly on feelings, they can fall into the trap of assuming these nice people will simply accept their rudeness, disrespect, lateness and so on. A classic example of this is when they choose to make an effort to please those they are not confident around and thus ignore, pay little attention towards and neglect friends, colleagues and associates who they assume will just always be there for them. Usually, by the time they realise this person has had enough, the relationship has been tarnished beyond repair.

The most interesting aspect of this type of behaviour is that these very individuals are often the first to complain about being mistreated by others (usually by those very people they have tried so desperately to impress). The lesson for those bearing the brunt of this negative behaviour is to be assertive, to try to make the 'F' people aware of their behaviour and stop it before it completely tarnishes the relationship.

In work situations this happens all the time. Senior Managers who are not aware of, or do not consider, the impact of their decisions on their staff are often left wondering why their staff are not loyal, have a high turnover, or are no longer willing to work overtime to impress tho boss! When treated in a disrespectful manner, staff will eventually become disheartened and lose interest when treated with disrespect.

The moral here is that if you want positive relationships with the people you really care about in life to last - you have to make an effort and give these people the respect they deserve. Don't assume you can return their calls when you feel like it (eg after you've spoken to all the people you're trying to impress). Don't turn up late to social events without advising them or making up a lame excuse that you bumped into an old friend on the way. Don't repeatedly cancel at the last minute because something better came along or you've just lost interest. Don't assume you can get away with making little or no effort and they will always be there.

Life is all about balance and give and take. You get what you put in, so be mindful of those who perhaps you have been taking for granted and take this chance to tend to this relationship more closely.

10 Great Ways To Lose Weight

Every new diet or exercise program promises a new and innovative way to lose weight. However, the method in which you lose weight or get into shape really has little baring on your success. The way you think and feel are the real drivers of success.

So here are my top 10 ways to get back on track, to start losing weight and get into shape today.

1. Decide on why it's important to you

Just because you think you should be thinner is not motivating enough to sustain a healthy lifestyle, you need to know why you care - why it matters to you to be healthy. This means taking time to think about what it means to you to be healthy and how it will improve your life. In addition, you must be clear on the costs associated with remaining unhealthy.

2. Taste vs pleasure

There is a reason junk food appears to taste so much better than healthy good, when you are not used to healthy eating, or when you include too much junk food in your diet. There is a HUGE amount of money spent on research to ensure the taste is pleasing and addictive. Shifting from highly processed, high salt and high fat foods, to seemingly bland food can be very challenging. So, you must give your taste buds time to readjust. The more you cut back on these things and choose healthier alternatives, the more you start to appreciate and enjoy more natural flavours.

3. Top on mind

In order to be healthy it has to be top of mind, so that you don't slip back into bad habits when you forget to pay attention or your mood isn't quite right (eg during times of stress or hormonal changes). When you are focused on being healthy, you can incorporate behaviours into your life (other than eating quick-fix feel good foods) to address your moods. Keeping you focused on why you want to live a healthy life.

4. Stop feeling like you're not missing out

When starting to eat healthy it's very important to not feel as though you are being punished by thinking 'its horrible that I can't eat delicious food any more'. The idea is to want to eat healthily because you enjoy how fresh, clean and energetic you feel. Thus, you don't feel tempted to gorge on junk food in order to modify your moods or to satisfy a craving. You want to be able to enjoy treats when appropriate (eg celebrations), but be able to revert back to healthy eating again straight away.

5. Believe you can do it

Self belief is critical to your success. Use other examples of when you have set your mind to achieving a goal & succeeded in achieving it (eg saving for a holiday, changing careers, buying a new home) - to motivate you. This way, you can regularly remind yourself that when you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything.

6. Ignore well meaning others who want you to join them in their eating habits

Food and socializing are very closely linked, so people around you are going to try to encourage you to eat and drink unhealthy foods from time to time. The key here is to ensure there are delicious healthy dishes served that you can all enjoy together. In addition to you feeling less stressed about having to explain your new eating habits, the consumption of healthier food will lead to lighter conversation, more energy and increased fun.

7. Stop all or nothing thinking

As noted before, it's very important to be flexible with your eating habits so that if you end up eating more junk food than anticipated, you simply move on, rather than use it as an excuse to eat like crazy. Remind yourself that you are not being restricted. No-one is telling you what to do. You're eating healthy because you want to.

8. Be organized with meal preparation

Ensure you eat regularly throughout the day and that you have healthy meals prepared in advance to avoid picking up quick and easy high fat foods on the run. Take time each week to ensure you have sufficient healthy snacks in your bags, drawers at work and home pantry. Then, either arrange for someone at home to prepare your meals for you, or cook a few healthy meals at the start of the weeks and freeze them for those nights when you really can't be bothered cooking.

9. Prepare delicious alternatives

Eating healthy should never be boring. Log on to the Happy Life website at: www.happylife.net.au for some free delicious meals you can easily prepare.

It's really important to have a positive association with healthy eating, so be creative and prepare foods you enjoy. Don't just stick to the same old salad and soup diet. You want healthy eating to be a lifestyle, not a chore.

10. Get your family and friends involved

It's so much easier to sustain a healthy life if your family and friends are involved. You can involve them by arranging to engage in physical activity together, preparing healthy meals everyone can enjoy together, or by discussing what you are doing and asking for their support.

Remember

You are the only one in control of your destiny. Take control and live the healthier lifestyle you deserve today.

Feelings of rejection are in your control

Rejection comes in many forms:

- A partner letting you go
- A parent's neglect
- A friend's lack of respect, support or loyalty

These rejections can stay with you for days, week, months - even years and as a result they can negatively impact on your life.

Rejection is made up of 1 part: your interpretation of external behaviors and the other part: your expectation of people, circumstances and events.

With regards to the first part, we are often not trained from a young age to interpret the attitudes and behaviors of significant others accurately. For instance, parents rarely explain to their children that they are 'snappy' today due to their own underlying stress. As a result, children learn to interpret such behaviors as meaning there must be something wrong with them or that they have done something wrong.

With regard to the second part, your expectations also influence your interpretation of events. Thus, in the above example, children have the expectation that parents are there to love them unconditionally, so they need lots of reassurance that even when they misbehave or are spoken to in a less than patient manner - they are still loved.

In order to deal with rejection as an adults, it's important to have realistic expectations and to explain events accurately. Let's use a career example. When you put your heart and soul into work (as many people do), you are likely to have the expectation that hard work equals validation, recognition and financial rewards. However, this is not necessarily the case. Hard work gives you a better chance of attaining these things, however if you fail to take opportunities, voice your desire for financial incentives/promotions, or ensure the 'right' people at work are made aware of the great job you're doing, you are less likely to achieve the accolades you desire. Consequently you are likely to feel rejected by your employer and may even start to doubt your abilities as a result. However, in the event that you were passed on for promotion, you have the option of viewing this as a sign of your inadequacies, or instead to view it as a reminder that you need to tweak your work process. Thus, your interpretation of the outcome will also influence how rejected you feel in that moment.

The same principles can be applied in relationships. Often in partnerships individuals do not take the time to address issues that are important to them and end up losing too much of themselves in the partnership - for fear of losing the person, or simply to keep the peace. This giving so much of themselves can lead to an expectation of receiving the same or more in return. However, often such grandiose gestures are not reciprocated. This in turn leads to feelings of rejection, as the lack of similar support is viewed as a reflection of themselves rather than of their partners inadequacies.

In order to avoid feeling rejected, you must change your mindset. Whilst no one likes to feel hurt by another persons actions, the way you respond to this hurt will dictate whether or not you interpret the other persons behavior as a personal rejection or just a problem the other person may need to address within themselves - in other words its their problem - not yours!.

When is it your time to shine?

We often think we have all the time in the world to be who we want to be, live how we want to live and love who we want to love. However, days turn into months and months quickly turn into years and before you know it, it's never the right time to really start living.

Fear, stress, worry and self sabotage often stand in the way of you living the life you've always dreamed of. However, when you think about the fact that life has an ending - what are you really afraid of? The problem is, of course we don't want to think about our lives ending - nor should we dwell on it. However, using it as a little reminder that NOW is actually the best time to start living according to your true self, can be a powerful way of motivating yourself to change and improve.

What are you afraid of?

What holds you back from living your dreams?

Do you really know what your heart desires, or are you living a life in accordance with other people's values?

The answer to these questions are vital.

The first place to start on this journey is with your inner self. Shifting from negative thinking to positive thinking gives you the power and self belief that you can actually achieve your hearts desire.

With a clear vision of what you want in life and a more positive mindset, you can start to devise a plan for moving forward. Part of this plan involves evaluating what you are currently doing and checking that your current behaviors are in line with your desires. For instance, if you desire to have a close and loving family, but spend a lot of time at work rather than at home, you are not living in line with your true desire. Similarly, if you desire to attract and maintain the best partner for you, but you spend a lot if time self criticizing and avoiding social events, you are also living in contrast with your desires.

Now that you know which areas of your life need to be tweaked, you can work on developing a plan to match your desires and then commit to following through with this plan. So, if your desire is to have a close family, make sure you dedicate time every day to having fun, listening and laughing with your parents, siblings, children and/or partner. Similarly, if your desire is to attract and maintain the perfect partner for you, become conscious of your inner thoughts and challenge and reframe your negative thinking so that you always present your BEST you in social situations. Also, join a social of sporting club where you are likely to regularly meet potential partners that are right for you.

Take action every day to ensure you stay on the right path. Live for now - don't wait for the perfect time to start truly living.

Don't let life pass you by and particularly, don't waste your life feeling down because you haven't yet achieved your dreams. When you're following your plan, you are taking steps towards your ultimate desires - and that in itself is committing to living your dreams.

It's never too late to be true to yourself.

You can do it!

How to slow down to beat stress and illness

When you push yourself too hard physically and emotionally you can find that you take a lot longer to recover from colds and flu. Modern life does not tend to present you with many opportunities to take time out to fully recover from mild illness. Thus, once your obvious symptoms dissipate, you tend to either feel too guilty to continue to rest and recuperate, or you have too much on your plate to do so.

There are a finite number of hours in the day and your list of 'to-do's' can often feel overwhelming, leaving you little time to allow yourself permission to rest. This is particularly true for high level professionals and parents, who are relied upon significantly by others - day in and day out. In addition to external pressures, it's very common to feel guilty about resting, when there is still so much more to be undertaken and achieved.

So, how do you fully recover from illness in order to function at your optimum - most of the time?

In order to recuperate fully and feel your best, there are the 'usual' things to do, such a sleep well/enough and eat well. However, in reality recent research shows that in order to achieve our ever growing list of tasks, we find it easiest to skimp on sleep. Shaving a few hours here and there can add a significant number hours to your year, so it's no wonder it's so tempting to give it up and thus to maintain the recommended 8 hours of good quality sleep a night.

Instead of trying to change your sleeping habits, a quick and easy way to improve your health (before, during and after illness) is through slowing down. Most people tend to make the misguided assumption that in order to achieve, one must move with speed. The problem with this theory is the body's reaction to being placed under pressure on a regular basis - STRESS. Regular, ongoing stress has been shown to cause a short-term reduction in IQ. This is why, it can be very difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions with your stressed - and thus increase the chance of making mistakes and having to end up working harder. Rushing around tying to achieve a million things in a day/week/month/year usually ends up resulting in a lot of wasted time and energy.

In contrast, if you were to start your day with a few deep breaths, 5 minute relaxation exercises and made a conscious effort to slow down, you would be able to think more clearly and rationally and thus be much more productive during the day.

For instance, most people arrive at work and feel anxious as soon as they begin to look at emails, to-do lists and speak to other stressed co-workers. They tend to spend the day frantically trying to spot mutiple fires, feeling overwhelmed, stressed and unproductive. If instead of this strategy, they walked into the office, took out a notepad and began to scan through emails, to-do lists and verbal requests from staff first thing in the morning and then developed a daily priority list, they would be able to tick off the most important jobs they had achieved that day. This would in turn provide both a feeling of achievement and a sense of control.

Undertaking such a morning task would take between 15-30 minutes per day, but would give back many more hours of productive work in return. The act of slowing down and gaining control is vital for health and wellbeing, particularly in this busy world we live in.

Your mind significantly impacts your physical health and emotional state, so if you're feeling run down or overwhelmed, try to simply slow down. Try it for 1 week and see how much it improves your life.

There's a big difference between being nice & being passive

Objectively if you were to look at the human race you could be convinced that there is something wrong with a species that seems to repel and reject nice people on a regular basis. I see countless evidence of 'nice' people being taken advantage of, walked over, ignored, rejected and criticized. However, when you look closely at these examples you invariably find these nice people are in fact engaging in passive behaviour and ignoring their own needs, wants and desires in order to please others. Hence why it's easy to confuse being nice with being passive.

So, what is the difference between niceness and passivity?

Being a nice person goes hand in hand with considering the needs of others, being kind, being generous, helping and supporting those in need. However, when these qualities come at the expense of your own needs, wants and desires on a regular basis they translate into passive behaviour. The major problem with being passive under the guise of niceness is that it often translates into resentment and anger - in turn causing you to no longer want to be nice.

Being passive also tends to bring out the worst in others because people tend to assume that nice person will be more accommodating and be less likely to complain when things don't go their way.
The reason many nice people avoid being assertive is they are driven by a need to please others. Thus, expressing conflicting views can be very frightening for a passively nice person, as it has the potential to upset others and result in negative consequences (eg rejection and criticism).

The most fascinating aspect of passive behaviour is that it ends up leading to the same negative outcomes originally feared. In others words, passively Nice people want to avoid being criticized, but through passive behavior are likely to end up being criticized anyway.

If you are a passively nice person it's really important to make the distinction between being nice and passive and to challenge your underlying fears that drive you to behave in a passive manner. You can still be a nice person, but don't allow your behaviour to be driven predominately by the needs and wants of others. This is particularly important when you commit to doing something with another nice person and are asked to do something at the same time by someone you are scared to say 'no' to. In this case, you're likely to also choose the scary person and assume the nice person will be OK. Behaving in the exact manner you dislike in others.

Whilst there will always be times when it is necessary to put the needs of others in front of yours, during these times it's important to ensure you are being respected and appreciated. For example, placing boundaries around how your children should speak to you (showing their appreciation through words like please and thank-you).

Further, whilst being 'easy going' might be an energy you aspire to have, don't confuse it with being a pushover. It's fine to agree to things if you really don't mind, but if you're happy, at least seek clarification and ask if there is any opportunity to alter things more to your liking.

Aspire to be a nice person, but try not to aspire to be passive.

If you find yourself going down the wrong path. Stop and do a u-turn

Watching a Suze Orman (finance guru) video today, I was struck by a very pertinent comment she made regarding 'if you find yourself going down the wrong path, God permits u-turns'. In other words, it's never too late to change the course of your life and set sail in the right direction - FOR YOU.

I often tell my clients that age is not a barrier to success. Often clients believe they are too old to change their life directions and to start living out their dreams. However, there are countless stories of very successful individuals who embarked on their true calling later in life.

• Suze Orman is a great example of this, deciding to change her life's course whilst working as a waitress at age 30. 
• Colonel Sanders - the creator of the KFC franchise - changed the course of his life even later in life. After years of perfecting his secret chicken recipe, it wasn't until he was 65 years of age that he began approaching potential franchisees - a move that finally led him to the successful KFC business that remains extremely popular around the world today.   
• Jack Canfield (the successful motivational speaker) was a teacher earning a very modest wage when he later decided to write the now famous Chicken Soup for the Soul series with a friend. It took them 3 years to write and almost 2 years to promote, but now Jack's books are sold in the millions all over the world.

In each of these three cases above, there was a time when the individuals decided they HAD to make a change in order to live their life's dream. They believed it was possible, they were dedicated to their cause and they persevered in the face of every adversity that came their way.With their desires firmly in mind, they pursued their goals.

In each one of these cases there was also a deep underlying passion and desire to bring happiness to others. The Colonel dreamt of people enjoying his delicious chicken recipe, Suze dreamt of helping empower people to take back control of their financial future and Jack dreamt of helping his readers find inspiration, hope and joy through his stories. These core internal drives helped to push them through adversity to finally achieve and sustain their dreams.

We are all on a life's journey. My person journey began when I was 12 years old. I can still see myself in our loungeroom thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up and deciding instinctively that I wanted to help others to feel happy. I didn't know how I was going to achieve this, but I was convinced that I was here on this earth to support and assist others. This desire has continued to motivate and inspire me every single day. It is why I love coaching, counselling and mentoring individuals and why I feel so happy and inspired after every session. I wasn't blessed with rich parents, an easy childhood, or a stable upbringing, but I was blessed with determination and drive. I observed these in my parents (particularly my mother) and I have the will to never give up. This determination and the desire to help others keeps me firmly focussed on how much I have achieved already, how much I still want to achieve and how much is still possible.

When you take time to reflect on your life, you will find (if you haven't already) your life's desire. This desire is in your grasp. Regardless of your life's circumstance, with belief, determination and perseverance, you can have, do or be anything you desire.

Quick way to reduce anxiety

Anxiety can strike in the most peculiar circumstances and situations. You may wake up anxious after a bad sleep, feel anxious as a result of your thoughts, or feel physically anxious for a range of reasons (eg exhaustion, food intolerance, too much caffeine).

The physical reactions you have when you feel anxious, such as your heart pumping quickly, have been programmed into you to give you a 'quick start' when you find yourself in trouble. However, because modern life lends itself to pushing you way beyond the norm, many people experience regular - unpleasant - anxiety which can be very uncomfortable and unpleasant.

Long term there are a range of anxiety reducing techniques (such as mindfulness and meditation) which work particularly well when your thoughts are the cause of your anxious responses. Thoughts related to worrying about something tend to be the culprit here. These thoughts include worrying about money, relationships, the world at large and so on.

Whilst long term anxiety reducing techniques are great and very useful, you often need a quick-fix when you're in the midst of an anxious episode. In this instance it has been found that one of the quickest methods of reducing anxiety is to shake it out physically - for instance through dance!

Everyone has a favorite song that makes them feel like being physical. If you're at home and you feel that anxious feeling coming on (eg you're siting at your computer stressing over your bills), stop for 5-10 mins and turn on your stereo. Find those songs that make you feel alive, energetic and full of life. Then, dance with all your might. You can do this alone or with friends/family/partner/your dog/cat. In fact doing this with others is a great way to shift you both into moment-to-moment thinking so it serves 2 great purposes.

If you're not at home, put your headphones on and stop what you're doing for 5-10 minutes and at least enjoy the positive energy boost you'll receive from the music, by tapping your feet or just breathing in the positive energy.

This simple technique is very powerful because it serves to physically re-adjust your body, shift your mental state from worry to happiness and to revitalize your body too.

So, the next time you're feeling anxious give this technique a go and enjoy the instant release it brings you.

For free videos, recipes, support and e-books visit:

www.happylife.net.au and www.helpformums.com

What do you need to change to look and feel good?

There comes a point when you realise you have to give up things you enjoy for a period if time in order to achieve something that is miles apart from where you are now. It would be nice if you could simply have anything your heart desires and enjoy all the little pleasures you take for granted - without any input. However, live is a bit trickier than that!

Getting healthy is a very good example of this. We often assume eating healthy foods and exercising are only important for the way we look externally. However, your extremities reflect your body internally. If you're eating unhealthy foods on a regular basis you're likely to find your skin looks dull, your eyes are not bright white, your nails chip easily and your hair may be thinner than usual too - to name a few...

The fascinating part of diet is that most of us are not truly aware of what we are eating. We assume we are pretty healthy most of the time. However, when you start to observe everything that goes into your mouth on a daily basis you may be shocked to realise you're regularly consuming products that are high in fats such as butter/margarine and snacking on foods that are high in salt and sugar.

It's also interesting to observe the quantity of fresh vegetables, fruits, legumes, nuts, healthy grains and healthy fats you're consuming. These are the things to increase in your daily life.

Of course, too much attention to your diet can drive you crazy, but slight changes to your eating, such as adding a salad to your lunch, swapping from sugar to honey and cutting out margarine/butter from you'd diet can go a long way towards increasing your health.

When you improve your inner health, your external appearance improves accordingly.

Feeling good on the inside will also give you back that spring in your step and make you feel more youthful. Tiny changes also tend to snowball into bigger and better changes - so start small and see how much better you feel.

Live this life to the fullest.

Download our free e-book for mums at: www.helpformums.com

Access our free healthy living videos at: www.happylife.net.au

Why is seems the law of attraction isn't working

If you're feeling like you're hitting your head against the wall because your desires are not coming fast enough, it's time to look at what you're thinking!

People often assume they are being positive because they focus on what they want for periods of time during the day, but how much of their day is spent being positive versus being negative ?

Being negative dies not have to mean that you're a pessimistic person or that you're severely depressed. Negative self talk often happens so quickly that by the time you realize you're being negative, you've had a plethora if negative conversations in your head that invite more negative people, circumstances and events into your life.

Negative thinking is a habit - probably one of the most detrimental habits you are likely engage in. Negative thinking includes small examples, such as:
• opening an email from a person who is driving you crazy at work & thinking "she's so annoying"
• collecting the mail & thinking "I'm not going to open it now because I know it's a bill I can't pay"
• being cut off in traffic and thinking "what an idiot that driver is - he almost killed me"
• running late for work and thinking "I'm hopeless, I'm never on time"
• getting upset with your kids/friend/partner/family member/colleague (with reason) and thinking "I should never have spoken up - now they'll hate me"

.... And the list goes on....

You can see how quickly negative thinking can affect your life and therefore influence what you attract into your life.

The crazy thing about negative thinking is somewhere underneath the negative thinking is a belief that states "if I think hard enough about what's wrong - something will change". However, this goes against all the natural laws of the Universe - sick as the law of attraction. This habit and belief are, unfortunately, very well ingrained, so it takes effort to be VERY mindful of all the little negative thoughts that pass through your mind and the start to concert then into positive thinking.

A great way to start doing this is to take a leaf out of Loiuse Hay's book. She tells herself a very simple mantra "only good things lay before me". This mantra gives you a different focus - when practiced regularly. For instance, if you believe only good things lay before you and during the day someone cuts you off in traffic - instead of thinking "he almost killed me", you can think "maybe that happened to wake me up and remind me to pay attention". Similarly if you receive a bill, instead of thinking "I can't pay this", you'll start to think "I always find a way to pay things so I can handle any bill I receive". By the way... This is very true of bills. Often people stress a lot about bills coming in, however, once the shock subsides, they find a way to pay it.

Small negative self talk, leads to larger negative self talk. This negative language infects your life and prevents you from living a full and happy life.

Start with small changes. Be mindful today of the things you're saying to yourself and to others. Start to tell yourself a positive mantra and trust that the Universe will bring you what you desire - when its right for you.

For more inspiration visit happylife.net.au or helpformums.com

Why can't we see past our difference?

I've thought a lot about the comments made about race this week. I think the saddest part about what has happened is that people still think in negative ways about others just because of a difference in race, sexuality, gender, weight, age, clothing and so on.

It's interesting when you think about where these negative attitudes come from because when you look at children playing with other kids at a young age - they do not see any difference in physical appearance and thus do not judge other children or adults based on any differences.

This makes me wonder where it comes from. It must be taught - at some level. Of all the places in the world where its shocking to find that racism still exists its Australia - the multicultural country where we accept others with open arms to share the fortune we have of living in a country without war and where we have a great public hospital system and we look after those less fortunate. Yes it's not perfect, but it's pretty good.

So, what can we do about this? I think we can do 2 things very quickly 1) learn from children to see the person inside 2) teach our children how to foster this lovely nature into adulthood.

Part of teaching involves modeling. Adults spend a lot of time criticizing each other and children pick up on this and model it very quickly. For instance, have you ever heard yourself making fun of what another person was wearing? It might seem like an innocent comment, but it sets the scene for kids that it's ok to judge others based on their appearance. We live in a society that encourages this, but it would be so great if we all tried not to engage in such social comparisons.

By all means look after your appearance, but try not to use appearance as a way to judge another person.

The true essence of another comes from within. When you are with others, see the soul not the shell. If we teach our kids to do the same, imagine what a nicer world we would live in!

How to reduce fear and worry

Fear and worry are very common emotions - felt at varying degrees & often dependent in a variety of situations and circumstances. Constant worrying is often caused by underlying issues, however it worsens over time as a result of reinforcement. In other words - worry & fear result in even more worry and fear.

When you think about fear, you might think it doesn't apply to you because you don't walk around scared all day, however this underlying fear tends to be related to fear of making a mistake; fear of getting into trouble; fear of others not liking you; or fear of others disapproving of you.

Thus, these underlying fears can be quite debilitating for you. They will cause you to avoid doing things you really want to do and cause you to agree to doing things you really don't want to do.

People often assume sticking up for yourself is all about being more assertive, but the reality is that unless you deal with some of these fears, you are likely to find it very difficult to put assertiveness skills into practice.

Confronting fears is a two stage process. The first stage involves working on increasing your self belief that things always work out for you - no matter how bad they may seems at the time. The second involves healing this fear directly - thus working on challenging the fear itself. Here you need to prove the fear is irrational by behaving contrary to the fear and also challenging negating thinking which also perpetuate the fear.

If we take the fear of making a mistake as an example, the first thing to do would be to tell yourself that no matter how big a mistake, you can always say sorry and move on. Everyone makes mistake. A life spent trying to avoid mistakes is a life not lived in a manner true to yourself and one 'on edge' worrying about the constant consequences of behavior. The next thing to do is challenge the first opportunity you have of potentially making a mistake.

Let's say, you're at Uni or in an important meeting and a question has been raised. You think you might know the answer but you're not sure. To challenge the fear you tell yourself it's not really about getting it right or wrong - it's about contributing. So, you raise your hand and provide your answer. Most people disagree with your response, but you tell yourself that you're proud of yourself for having a go and you learn from the responses of others. As a result you grow from the experience.

This is the first step towards reducing your fear, because you can't avoid making mistakes, others being upset with you or not liking you - unfortunately it's a fact of life. So, by accepting that you do your best and deal with the rest, you start to reduce your fears and live with much less worry and anxiety.

For more support and free resources on fear and anxiety visit: www.happylife.net.au

Stop making excuses in relationships

It's very common for women in particular to make excuses for the behavior of partners at the expense of themselves - particularly in new relationships. Women who are likely to be suffering from low self esteem can find themselves in relationships where they are having to guess how much a new partner really likes them, wants to be with them and/or wants to be in a committed relationship with them.

As an outsider, it's often easy to see the problem in these situations - these women often desperately wants to believe the relationship will work, so they seek potential signs to prove the relationship will be a success. Often the search is for signs the other person likes Them. However this is where most of the problem lies. In seeking validation, women can confuse whether someone likes them, with whether someone wants to be in a committed relationship with them. They are very different things. The respective partner most likely enjoys the woman's company but if she is having to question his true intentions, he is not willing to give her as much as she truly desires.

It's very important for men and women to be VERY clear about the person they want to attract and the relationship they would like to have. In doing so, early warning signs of negative behavior (such as being distant, being rude, flirting with other people and showing a lack of respect) provide clear direction to either walk away or clarify the behavior early on - then make a decision about staying or leaving.

The key issue here is self respect and self value. People put up with bad friends, partners, family members and associates because humans have an innate need to be liked. However, it's important to remind yourself regularly that avoiding assertive actions (standing up for what you feel is acceptable behavior in a relationship) empowers you to create positive and supportive relationships. These relationships in turn help you to grow and succeed as a human being.

The power of motherhood

Regardless of whether or not you are a mum, it's important to recognize the powerful impact mothers have (& potentially CAN have) on their children - including the role your own mother has played in the development of your self worth & happiness.

As a mother, you know you are bringing a new child into this world who you want to love and protect with all your heart. Pregnancy brings with it many hopes, dreams and fears but no-one can prepare you for the amount of pressure you place on yourself to be perfect. This pressure often leads to self doubt & self criticism because the expectations mothers place on themselves are often unrealistic. and idealistic of a perfect mum that in reality doesn't exist.

Despite these internal worries, the best part about being a mum is having an opportunity to know in your heart that you are adding value to your child/ren's lives.

Being a parent comes part and parcel with responsibility, worry, fun, happiness, exhaustion, exhilaration & much more... It's arguably the toughest job in the world, despite its lack of recognition. As a mum, you often feel responsible for the happiness of your children (& often of your partner as well). You can feel so much pressure to have to be perfect because there has never been more information available on the impact of parenting on child development.

However, there are always two ways of looking at this relationship. On the one hand you can focus on all the worries before you & the magnitude of your responsibility to assist your child/ren to grow & develop into strong, healthy & successful adults. Yet another take on this role is focussing on what a great opportunity you have to empower your child with the wealth of knowledge and experience you have learnt throughout your life. Whilst not always perfectly achieved, your own mother would have done her best - from her own world of experience - to impart her 'life lessons' on to you.

Whilst all mums are bound to get things wrong from time to time, each generation has the fortune of learning lessons from the previous generation, so as a mum you have the power to instill all the positive values you have learnt (& will continue to learn) throughout life.

Part of this learning is remembering to look after yourself.

A mothers own happiness and success is of paramount importance to her child's development. Through her happiness her child learns all the joy that life has to offer & he/she receives the benefit of her positive moods. Similarly, through her success, her child has a great role model to inspire her children to strive to be their best.

When you look at your mother, you are most likely judging her on aspects such as love, dedication, support and self worth. These are the most powerful elements of mothering that are most likely going to have the most profound effect on your long term relationship with her and the closeness of your relationship in the future. Thus, you can see that by appreciating all your mother is doing for you, encouraging her to look after herself - and taking in board this advice when/if you are a mum - will empower you both to have a more fruitful and happy life.

What's that little voice inside telling you?

It can be quite shocking to take note of your internal language from time to time. We often hear experts talking about how important it is to think positively, however, we rarely stop to evaluate what is going on in our mind from day to day (minute to minute).

Little experiences, such as running late , having too much on your plate, working with an unsupportive boss and dealing with negative people in your life, can lead to negative internal thinking - and in particular self criticism. These negative thoughts can then result in feelings of agitation - which over time - can cause you to lash out (respond in a snappy way) towards those you really care about.

At work you may be dealing with a boss who is very consumed in his own stress and doesn't have the time or energy to consider your feelings. At home you may be feeling overwhelmed about all the chores to be done when you're feeling tired and overworked already. In friendships you may be feeling rejected because your friends seem to only call you when they have a problem and need support. Day to day you may be feeling like a failure because the debts keep piling up and you can't seem to get on top of them. And so on...

These are all natural responses to situations many people experience day in and day out. The major issue with them, however, is their impact on your self worth as you berate yourself for not having the perfect life you may assume others in your life have achieved effortlessly. Further, whilst you may be aware of larger negative thoughts, such as "i hate my job", a range of negative thoughts lead up to the creation of that final one (such as "he hates me, he doesn't respect me, I'm not competent enough, I shouldn't be here, I'm not doing a good job etc...". Most of these negative self criticisms are not true, yet the more you hear your internal voice being negative, the more you believe it.

It's all well and good to say "Just stop thinking negatively"... If only it was that easy!!! Negative thinking is fast, very sneaky & can often catch you off guard. So the key is to open your awareness & try not to let your guard down. This means regularly stopping to evaluate your thoughts and in particular being mindful of what is going on in your mind when you have nothing to distract it (eg when you're cleaning, opening junk emails, traveling on public transport, exercising and meditating). These are the perfect moments for your mind to wander and remind you of everything you're worried about.

The more you catch yourself in the moment of negativity - especially mindless negativity - the more you can stop it in its track, refocus & reduce its reappearance. So, you can take another step closer towards positive energy and creating your ideal life.

To find more support and inspiration visit:

www.happylife.net.au

www.lifesuccesscoachs.com

Your perceptions create your reality

Running around after a toddler often makes it difficult to arrive on time to appointments. Most of the time I just make it, but at times through no fault of my own, an obstacle prevents me from being punctual. As someone who loves being organized, running late is often a potential stressor for me, so I've been challenged in trying to find ways to accept that I'm doing my best & move on.

This morning was a great test case for me. Having dropped my daughter at childcare on time, I was very excited about being on time. I arrived at the station early. However, I was greeting by a packed station of people frustrated as a result of train delays. This meant I couldn't squeeze into the forthcoming train. So, I took a deep breath, contacted those waiting for me & jumped on the next train. Unfortunately this train was deviating from my usual route & stopped mid station for 20 minutes before progressing to another station. Here, I had to change trains again. Finally, I arrived at my destination 45 minutes late.

Normally, this tardiness would have left me quite stressed, but this morning my mindset was different and as a result. I arrived and explained calmly once again my predicament. Funnily enough - nothing bad happened. No- one was angry or upset with me. Everyone understood that I had tried my best. A very pleasing outcome!

So what changed in my mind on the way?

Along the train journey I told myself two things:

1) Perhaps this has delay has occurred to provide me with more time to listen to my inspirational CDs

2) I know in my heart that I tried my best & therefore there is nothing I can do about this situation

So, the greatest shift in my mind was focussing internally rather than externally.

If you look behind the reasons we worry about running late, it falls squarely on our concern about what others will think of us. Reframing the event and trusting that you're doing your best allows you to relax in the face of adversity & appreciate it for what it is. By changing my mindset, I changed my perception of the event. Instead of getting angry at the public transport system, I accepted that it was out of my control and made the best of the situation.

Question: Why is this shift so important?

Answer: I didn't want to allow this potentially negative experience to influence my positive state of mind. I know how important it is to be focused on my goals, dreams & desires and thus to be in the same positive frequency/energy as much as possible. Yes - life will throw me curve balls from time to time, but it's how I deal with these that result in my success or struggle in life.

For more support and tips on how you can live a happy and healthy life visit:

www.happylife.net.au / www.lifesuccesscoachs.com

How to cope when people let you down

One of the difficult parts of the law of attraction and energy is the fact that we are surrounded by competing energies, desires and behaviors. Stuart Wilde - one of the all time Guru's in this area stated back in the early 1980s that even brushing past others with negative energy can (and often does) impact on your mood & hence effects your ability to attract positive things into your life.

It's no wonder then that you can find yourself attracting people into your life who regularly behave in ways that you regularly vocalize you dislike. Further, you are likely to find that when you are feeling negatively, people around you tend to let you down more often or display negative behaviors that really upset you.

In order to cope with negative people and their behaviors it's important to first ask yourself whether your moods and focused attention may be drawing these people closer towards you. If the answer is yes, then it is time to begin to rethink and reframe things in your life to reduce the likelihood of it happening.

You need to be extremely strong willed and determined not to allow the presence of other negative people to infect your life. You must be very mindful of how your energy can be altered and be diligent in your efforts to try to refocus on the positive aspects of life, rather than on the negatives. Of course this is easier said than done, but this is part of your life journey.

When it comes to those close to you hurting you, it's not as easy to refocus and let things go. It takes a bit more time. However, I believe when others hurt you it says more about how you allow others to treat you, than it says about them.

For instance:
1) if your boss is being a bully - do you simply put up with it for fear of bring fired?
2) if you're in an abusive relationship, do you stay there when you know you should leave?
3) if your friends continuously cancel on you or make little effort to attend events that are important to you, do you say little and simply squash your feelings to keep the peace?
4) if your family members are disrespectful, do you voice your confidence in yourself, of allow them to walk all over you?

Whilst the other people in the examples above are behaving negatively, you still have a choice in how you deal with their behaviors and whether or not you are going to allow such negativity to persist in your life.

Jack Canfield - another Guru of the self improvement movement suggest to try to write a list of all the people in your life & then note which ones are positive and negative. If they are all negative, it's time to get new friends!!!

Your life is of value. Don't believe you are second best, or deserve to be treated in a negative manner. Trust your convictions. Stand up for yourself & stay positive. You deserve to live a happy and successful life.

Visit www.happylife.net , or follow Liz O'Halloran on Twitter at: @lohalloran72

Rediscovering your true self

When you look back to your childhood, did you become the person you dreamed you could be? Did you take an even greater path, or did you settle for a life that you don't quite know how you ended up with?

Life takes you on many journeys and through many paths. Sometimes you may feel that you're traveling in a single direction, only to wake up years later and wonder how on earth you arrived at your current life. The reason this often happens is that people often fail to spend time learning about themselves and discovering who they really are. What they really desire in life. The other reason people tend to give up on their dreams is due to the desire to please others, or live up to a conceived societal ideal.

Each day, week, month and year provides you with an opportunity to rediscover who you really are and who you would like to be. This doesn't mean you have to walk out the door and start your life again, but more to start finding ways to bring your true personality, interests and desired lifestyle into your current world of existence.

One of the other issues you may have faced is lack of self confidence that you could reach your goals and desires. This lack may have been the result of internal self beliefs, or the beliefs of others or society at large. Regardless of its origin, poor self belief has the power to prevent you from pursuing your desires. Thus resulting in living half a life and ending up in a place you find unfulfilling.

Dramatic change can be terrifying, which is why gradual steps towards self discovery are recommended. You may need to read more, travel more, research more, speak up more, or listen more... In order to find yourself. It takes time, but it's worth it. Take time to think back to that inner child and her/his hopes and dreams. How did others in your life respond to your desires? How well received where your ideas? These reactions would certainly have played a part in either increasing or decreasing your self efficacy in your ability to transform your dreams into a reality.

Through introspection and meditation you find the quickest path to self discovery. Your passions may seem elaborate and fanciful to others, but all realized ideas where once just pipe dreams. When there is a big leap to take you from the here and now to your future goals, give yourself permission to make gradual changes whilst you remain in a more secure position. (Eg financially). This will also give you time to adjust to your new self discoveries.

If you are completely happy with your life - that's great. Just remember there is always room to dream big and succeed. Life is here to be lived, enjoyed and experienced.

You are the creator of your destiny so don't wait for a better time. Now is the time to start really living your life.

Trying to have it all and remain relaxed

Do You want success, happiness, money, fun, family, holidays???..and the list goes on...

You grow up learning that you can now have it all, but if this desire for everything is not balanced well, you can be left feeling overwhelmed, overworked and underachieving in almost all areas of your life. More importantly, you may find your stress levels are so high that it impacts on other people in your life and you may find it difficult to even enjoy the fruits of your labour.

The expectations you place on yourself are often the keys to how well you manage your levels of stress and your ability to 'get the jobs done' well.

Being a working mother is a perfect example of dealing with high expectations. Mums expect themselves to be able to get the kids to school/daycare on time every day, organize their social lives (& their children's social lives), run the household, feed the family, look after their own (& their children's) health & fitness, get to work on time, achieve success at work/career and the list goes on.

The single mum can have it even tougher if she does not have great support financially & emotionally. She has the pressure of trying to look and feel good to support her kids and hopefully attract a new mate, whilst trying to look after her kids, work, cope with the side effects of separation and help her kids deal with the separation too.

The single woman has all the same stress and expectations, minus the kids & partner, but plus the need to socialize and look and feel her best in order to hopefully attract a suitable parter & often places more pressure on herself in terms of career success to ensure she can provide for herself now and in the future.

Men also have to deal with high levels of stress due to expectations to be fit and healthy, earn a substantial income, support a family/partner/kids, be a fun and supportive friend AND... Cope with the exceeding demands at work to produce more, work longer hours, be innovative and so on...

So in the midst of all these pressures and expectations from others, it's important to be realistic about what you can achieve within your constraints of time. Then it's important to communicate with others about your time pressures and ensure you and others also have realistic expectations about what is possible.

Being organized is also imperative, so take time to sort out your work and home life, so that you know where things are when you need them. Schedule time for you and with those you love - again within a realistic timeframe.

Being organized and realistic will assist you to stop berating yourself every time you fall short of your expectations and will also serve to help you reevaluate your expectations regularly to ensure you're not asking more of yourself than is really possible.

Who do you see when you look in the mirror?

One of the most common locations you are likely to find yourself self criticizing is in front of the mirror. Thanks to the instillation of reflective surfaces in lifts, bathrooms, cars, iPhones, wardrobes, department stores (and the list goes on...), it's hard to escape the temptation to 'check' whether you still look ok.

Research tells us that children as young as 6 years of age are suffering from body image problems and thus engage in a fair bit of self criticism. The saddest aspect of this behavior is that the images they are judging themselves against are not reflective of the average person. In fact, most of the ideal beauty portrayal is fabricated by the media. For instance, Jennifer Anniston was once reported as saying that she felt a lot of studio pressure to stay very thin during her years filming the show Friends, when this was not natural for her at the time. If she had been allowed to remain her beautiful curvier self throughout the show, perhaps she could have led a movement of self acceptance similar to the one she began with her hair styles.

It's not just females who criticize themselves regularly, now more than ever we are seeing males with dysfunctional body images. Just think about the physical transformation sportsmen have gone through over the past 20-30 years. Now, its perfectly acceptable for them to have the latest fashionable clothes, perfect white teeth, manicured hands and feet, wear tanning products and have cosmetic procedures in order to look attractive, youthful and sexy (perhaps David Beckham has had some influence changing this ideal too).

When I was a teenager my mother took me to the dentist to look into having braces. I remember at the time crying my heart out because I was so worried I was going to be teased at school. Lucky for me at the time, I had a perfect bite, so my dentist did not want to potentially damage that with braces.

HAVE THINGS CHANGED SINCE THEN!!!

If I had been in this position now, I would have been excited about choosing all the different styles of braces available Now, it's very common for kids to have braces because they lead to perfectly straight teeth - a very desirable quality.

It would great, though, if we could teach our kids that whilst it's important to feel good about your physical appearance (being clean, tidy, healthy etc...), attractiveness ultimately comes from within. The reason people put so much effort (& money) into their physical appearances is really to feel good about themselves on the inside. However, whilst initial attraction is based on the physical, positive feelings are the drivers behind others finding you attractive. Yet, people often assume its because they have 'improved' something physical that others like them more. When in fact it's the positive energy that it most attractive to others - especially long term.

The cheapest way to start feeling better about yourself is to flip reflective criticism into reflective complements. For instance, you're at work and catch yourself saying "gosh I look tired today". Flip it... Stop. Tell yourself "I'm not doing this today". Then say something positive, such as "I love the way I tied up my hair today", or "I'm on fire in meetings today", or "this outfit looks great on me".

The point is to start to like the person you see in the mirror. That way you give her/him the best chance of shining through - every single day.

Is your health getting in the way of your happiness and success?

In the pursuit of happiness it's very easy to neglect your physical body and to ignore the impact that your health is having on your ability to achieve and maintain a happiness and a successful life.

As adults, we spend a lot of time trialling various behaviours that may lead to short term feelings of uphoria (such as excess drinking, watching TV, smoking, and eating junk food). However, whilst you may experience an immediate positive feeling from these behaviours - long term these behaviours tend to lead to negative emotions. Therefore, short term gain can lead to long term pain.

What is even more interesting, is that short term gains in mood are also likely to lead to short term pain. For instance, eating junk or drinking excess coffee can lead to feeling bloated, tired, aggitated, stressed and anxious. These negative moods can leave you feeling unmotivated, unsociable and cloudy headed. Yet, in the moment, junk food and coffee can satisfy an immediate need for an energy boost. So, we can easily fall victim to pleasing immediate needs without thinking about how they will make us feel later and in particular how they will affect our goals..

So why do we ignore the nourishing mental and physical needs of our bodies - only paying attention when something really breaks down?

I believe we often ignore our body because we justify that other activities in life are more important, however if your body is not working efficiently, you will find yourself losing motivation, feeling too tired to achieve your goals and losing confidence in yourself if your physical body is not operating as well as it should/could be.

In addition, the message we have been receiving from the media for many years now is that the purpose of our external bodies is to portray a (pre-defined and culturally defined) beauty. As a result, MANY men, women and kids find themselves comparing their bodies to those they see in the media. Unforuntely these images tend to be well prepared and photographed (or air brushed), giving most people the belief that they could never measure up to these images. Thus, it's easier to give up trying to reach such an unrealistic goal and enjoy the here and now instead.

The problem with this defeatist attitude is that internally these media images "stick"" and as a result people often feel guilty for not engaging in healthy behaviors in order to try to emulate the beauty stereotype. This guilt leads to feeling down and so the search for an instant 'pick me up' strikes again.

So what can you do to stop this behavior?

In order to fight against this way of thinking you need to start viewing your physical body as your tool to achieving success and happiness in life. This means looking after it and treating it well, so that it will in turn assist you when you need it most (eg when you want to play sport with the kids/friends, brainstorm great ideas for a new project, perform well at work, present your best 'self' in an interview or on a date, or stay up late to complete an important project).

Living a healthy lifestyle is much more about giving you the best chance to achieve success, than it is about you looking good.

Let your body be your best tool to drive you to achieve your goals and desires in life.

Defining Your Relationships by How Comfortable You Are Communiicating

It's interesting to note that whilst personal relationships should be the ideal place to communicate freely, it is in these relationships that you are likely to experience the most fear in doing so. It is the fear of rejection (on any level) that leads to anxiety over displeasing others - and... This fear of rejection usually can be traced back to your relationship within your family.

The way in which you communicate and the level to which you feel free to speak up within your family has a direct impact on how you communicate within your friendships and within your intimate relationships. When you personally experience difficulties in relationships and thus feel anxious about the consequences of speaking up, you are likely to have a deep understanding of the NEED to be assertive. On a conscious level you are likely to be a great advice giver (detailing the ways your friends should be assertive in their own relationships) because you can see objectively the result of poor communication within relationships, however, taking your own advice and acting upon it - are very different matters.

Imagine that you enter into an exciting new relationship. At the start of the relationship you are so focused on pleasing the other person that you allow many indiscretions to slide and avoid speaking up, for fear that you may be rejected or criticized. You compromise on things you would never suggest your friends compromise on and you allow things to be said that would normally upset you.

For a few months you keep up the act, but soon your self respect kicks in and you can no longer hold your tongue. Subsequently, at (most likely) inappropriate times, you explode and end up having a huge argument with your partner. Your partner then responds in a nasty manner because he/she is not used to this behavior. Your outburst is significantly different to the passive and supportive role you have been playing up to that point.

After the outburst you apologize profusely for your behavior and as a result avoid the conversation underlying the outburst. You revert back to passive behavior and, as expected, in time another outburst occurs. Eventually as a result of not having sufficient grounding in the relationship, your partner is confused and disheartened by your change in behavior.
It's interesting to note that whilst personal relationships should be the ideal place to communicate freely, it is in these relationships that you are likely to experience the most fear in doing so. It is the fear of rejection (on any level) that leads to anxiety over displeasing others - and... This fear of rejection usually can be traced back to your relationship within your family.

The way in which you communicate and the level to which you feel free to speak up within your family has a direct impact on how you communicate within your friendships and within your intimate relationships. When you personally experience difficulties in relationships and thus feel anxious about the consequences of speaking up, you are likely to have a deep understanding of the NEED to be assertive. On a conscious level you are likely to be a great advice giver (detailing the ways your friends should be assertive in their own relationships) because you can see objectively the result of poor communication within relationships, however, taking your own advice and acting upon it - are very different matters.

Whilst in the example above, the partner would appear to have poor empathy, it is logical to expect anyone entering a new relationship to have low tolerance for change in one's personality. For a partner to enter the relationship as a positive and relaxed personality and then to turn into a negative person with a temper would cause many people to wonder where their partner had disappeared to. However, this shock in one's behaviour tends to occur as a result of feeling afraid to speak up and discuss personal issues of concern in a relationship.

Often, people find themselves in over-dominant past relationships which result in a partner being aggressive every time they speak up. Unfortunately, the baggage of this past relationship can carry over into new relationships with the expectation that all partners will result in the same manner. However, HEALTHY relationships need HEALTHY and open discussions to work.

In order to be assertive, you have to feel confident that your point of view has value and is justified. Then you also need to be mindful, but not too concerned about the possible outcome of addressing your concerns. If raising your concerns leads to an argument, it is likely to be unpleasant, but with calm and rational discorse, these types of discussions can in fact enhance the closeness of your relationships.

Assertiveness takes time and practice, but it's vital to success in every relationship (personal and professional) in your life. The key to assertive behaviour is believing that a small bit of discomfort is much more tolerable than losing yourself and not being true to yourself - simply to keep the peace.

For support in your relationships visit Happy Life today at:

http://www.happylife.net.au

Or

http://www.lifesuccesscoachs.com

How to find the career that will make you happy

How do you find out what you really want to be in life and what will truly make you happy?

It's an interesting question when you think that we expect 17 year old youths to have a very concrete view of thier future life and career path. At this age, they are asked to make study, or work choices that will potentially shape the course of the rest of their lives, yet they really have such limited life experience to genuinely know if thier chosen career path will bring them life fulfilment and happiness. This is why so many adults find themselves in unfulfilling careers, feeling lost and 'stuck' in jobs that only fulfill the need to sustain a certain level of living.

There is not much we can do about the academic system, however, we can certainly try to have an influence on our children's futures by guiding them towards career paths that at least appear to be in line with their passions and interests. It is also important to advise children that often it takes time to work out what we really want to do and that we often have to take wrong turns to gain insights into careers that will not bring us the joy we perhaps envisioned at one time or another. The key message here is that it is NEVER too late to change your career path.

When I was studying psychology at LaTrobe University, one of my friends in class was a well known radio announcer who later in life decided to pursue a career in psychology which had always been a passion of hers. If you were to look at her life from outside, you would question why she would want to move out of a career which resulted in her being in the public eye, gave her a lot of validation and enough money to retire on. However, money and fame did not bring her everything she desired in a job. Whilst she enjoyed the fruits of her labour, she felt something was missing and made a decision to finally bridge this gap.

This life change is often a fantasy for most people because they pigeon hole themselves in careers that bring a certain amount of financial independence. Thus, the difficulty in changing careers later inlife is committing to doing something that will make you happy, at the expense of the lifestyle you have created for you and your partner/ family.

Whilst this is a difficult decision, it does not have to be an 'all or nothing' choice. Many clients come to see me because they are tired of working in a job that's not in line with their passions, however they do not know how to break out of their current situation. Of course the first step in the process is spending time in self discovery to truly understand what brings you joy. For instance, do you have a passion for the artistic, political, legal, or social? Which areas of these spheres do you feel you could happily talk about and engage in all day? These questions will lead you to discover your true passions.

Then, you need to decide if you require further study, coaching or experience in this field. In order to minimize the impact on your current lifestyle, it's best to try to arrange your current work around the study, experience, or coaching. The only down side to this step is feeling overwhelmed and tired. Therefore, in order to minimize this side effect, a great deal or organization, determination and commitment is required. These skills are always valuable in life, so they are an added bonus to your professional development skills.

If you are organized, committed and determined, it doesn't matter at which age you finally decide to live your professional dreams. Whilst we need to work to live, we also need to feel that we are contributing the best of ourselves to the world. There is a reason why you are talented in specific areas. Allow others to benefit from your talents. Your life is worth living the way that makes you happy, satisfied & fulfilled.

How to have success dating when you're single

The dating scene has changed quite significantly over the past 20 years, partly due to our busy schedules and largely due to the boom in modern technology. Just look at mobile phones for instance. During my Masters Degree I investigated the social impact of mobile phone use and it was astounding how many respondents noted they would be anxious if they left home without their mobile phones. Yet, it wasn't that long ago that mobile phones did not exist.

Technology like the mobile phone has meant texting (which can be quite impersonal at times) has become the commonly used mode of communication in dating. Instead if picking up the phone to arrange a new date, potential couples often send text messages that can lead to misunderstanding, misinterpretation and upset feelings. The same applies to emails.

The unfortunate aspects of these newer technologies is that they are not very good at expressing intonation. Thus it's very easy to get offended by a text that reads "I have to cancel tonight". However, if you were able to hear how the person felt when he/she cancelled, you'd be less likely to take the cancellation personally. This is why it's a good idea to practice calling people rather than always texting - otherwise it's very easy to become anxious about having to make stressful phone calls in the future.

Online dating sites have also become common place these days. They provide a great opportunity to meet new people. However, I believe they need to be viewed with realistic expectations and with a reality lens in order to not be offended by other potential partners's (perceived) rejections. It's human nature that only certain people will be attracted to others, so you should not be offended if another person online is not receptive to you. Think about it this way, if you were to walk into a bar, it's highly likely that you would find 1 person in 20 attractive and then once you meet the person, there is the issue if whether you like his/her personality. The same applies online. Out of 20 potential suitors, you'll probably find 1 attractive and hopefully he/she will find you attractive and then you move forward from there. By changing your expectations and appreciating dating sites for what they can offer, you can achieve much more success with online dating.

In view of the changing nature of dating, it's important to be mindful that all relationships take time and effort. By taking a step back and allowing new relationships to develop slowly and organically (and not expecting every new relationship to be 'the one'), you can go with the flow and attract better relationships into your life.

Technology always has a good and bad side, but if you focus on its good qualities and use them to your advantage, you can have long term success with your dating efforts.

Defining your relationship by how comfortable you are at communicating

It's interesting to note that whilst personal relationships should be the ideal place to communicate freely, it is in these relationships that you are most likely to experience the most fear in doing so. It is the fear of rejection (on any level) that leads to anxiety over displeasing others - and... This fear of rejection usually can be traced back to your relationship within your family.

The way in which you communicate and the level to which you feel free to speak up within your family has a direct impact on how you communicate within your friendships and within your intimate relationships. On a conscious level you are likely to be a great advice giver because you can see objectively the result of poor communication within relationships, however, taking your own advice and acting upon it - is a very different matter.

Lets discuss an example below

Imagine that you enter into an exciting new relationship. At the start of the relationship you are so focused on pleasing the other person that you allow many indiscretions to slide and avoid speaking up, for fear that you may be rejected or criticized. You compromise on things you would never suggest your friends compromise on (such as sleeping together before you're really sure about the relationship) and you allow things to be said that would normally upset you.

For a few months you keep up the act, but soon your self respect kicks in and you can no longer hold your tongue. Subsequently, at (most likely) inappropriate times, you explode and end up having a huge argument with your partner. Your partner then responds in a nasty manner because he/she is not used to this behavior. Your outburst is significantly different to the passive and supportive role you have been playing up to that point.

After the outburst you apologize profusely for your behavior and as a result avoid the conversation underlying the outburst. You revert back to passive behavior and, as expected, in time another outburst occurs. Eventually as a result of not having sufficient grounding in the relationship, your partner is confused and disheartened by your change in behavior and ends up leaving you.

Whilst in the example above, the partner would appear to have poor empathy, it is logical to expect anyone entering a new relationship to have low tolerance for change in one's personality. For a partner to enter the relationship as a positive and relaxed personality and then to turn into a nagger or display a temper personality would cause many people to wonder where their partner had disappeared to.

The solution to all this is to begin to face your fears and speak up when your inner voice tells you it's time to do so. Each step you move towards assertiveness takes you another step closer to removing passive aggressive behavior. The key to this change however, is believing that a small bit of discomforts is much more tolerable than losing yourself and not being true to yourself - simply to keep the peace.

How much are you willing to do to achieve your desires

How much time do you spend feeling frustrated, depressed and angry because other people seem to be able to achieve what you desire - so easily? If you look closely you will find that whilst others may have acquired your goals quicker than you, there will be many things that they desire which you obtained more easily and most likely with less effort. The privilege of success in every aspect of life is not simply given to you (some aspects of life will always be easier & harder - depending on your life circumstance). So, when you really desire something, some planning & determination goes a long way.

If something is feasible - then it is possible. It's that simple. Thus, if you're aiming to be a model and you're told you are not tall enough, you're trying to be an artist and you can't draw, or you're trying to be a professional singer and you can't hold a note, then yes it is probably time to learn more about where your best strengths really lie. However, most of your desires are things you know in your heart you CAN achieve. It's a matter of pushing through every struggle and knowing with every fibre of your being that you are closer than you think.

One of the other issues that often stops you from achieving your desires is having the right strategy/plan and following through with it - diligently.

So, let's say you are looking for a partner. The first part of your strategy is working out what type of person you're looking for. Then, working out where this type of person would hang out. For instance:

- If you love partying - attend the same parties
- If you love exercising - join a club within your area of interest
- If you love travel - travel in a tour group with singles in your age bracket
- If you love design - attend trade shows, seminars & workshops in your chosen area of interest

Therefore, your strategy is to put yourself in an environment where you will be meeting similar minded singles that you are likely to want to date. Then follow through with your action.

The last part of the action plan is believing you are good enough to receive it when it comes. So this means when you are speaking to people who can help you achieve your goal - acting in a calm and confident manner. Further, when positive opportunities present themselves, don't be afraid to say "yes". Avoid self sabotaging your success out of a fear of not being good enough.

Finally, it's very important not to compromise on your goals to please others. In the example above, don't make excuses for negative behavior. When striving for your goals be persistent, determined and self confident. In doing do, you will not place yourself in uncompromising positions to get there and you will be focused and ready to strive for success & accept it when it comes your way.

Believe that everything is possible & you deserve it. Then don't give up!!!

How to reduce stress to improve health and improve happiness

There is countless research regarding the effects of stress on your internal and external body. In fact, there is mounting evidence to support the complement of western medicine and alternative medicine to treat illness (stress reduction programs playing a very important role here). Stress is a very broad term, encompassing anxiety, worry, physiological & chemical body distress (eg being cold for too long, being over tired, being overworked) and so on.

There is a very strong connection between the mind and the body, yet many times it takes a physical manifestation to occur before individuals do something to minimize the stress. For instance, you'll wait until you experience significant stomach pain, headaches or back ache, before deciding to become actively involved in meditation, Pilates, or mindfulness practice.

The ideal, however, is to consistently train your mind to become more resilient to the inevitable stress around you. For instance, if you're struggling with financial worry, every time you receive a new bill, you are likely to be filled with panic, dread and physical illness as a result of prolonged stress. Negative stress tends to manifest in the head (headache pain) or the stomach areas of the body and thus can cause significant discomfort, resulting in further stress.

In order to minimize stress it's important to design a plan to manage your current situation, stick to your plan and move forward. An example of this plan would be to stagger your pay cheque according to your urgent bills and lifestyle and to put away specific amounts of money to pay off debt and have some fun. As long as the bare minimum is being paid, you can reduce stress and then focus on new ways to increase your income.

Worry can become a habit, so much so that you can learn to create worries when one does not appear to exist. Thus, it's important to also start paying attention to your worry cue's. This will help you to direct your relaxation efforts to the right time and place. It is also crucial to learn when you are most likely to be stressed and use these times to implement stress reduction strategies, such as controlled breathing, acceptance of the situation and belief in your ability to cope with anything life throws at you.

Therefore, stress reduction (along with healthy eating and regular exercise) not only improve your overall mood, but have been shown to have such a great impact on your health that they can reverse illnesses, reduce your chances of becoming ill and reduce your likelihood of relapse - should you fall ill.

It is so easy to push your body beyond its limits and then feel disappointed when your body gives up and decides it needs a break. Changing your lifestyle to incorporate healthy living is the greatest gift you can bestow on yourself. Life has enough ups and downs - why make the struggle harder by ignoring your self. You are worth so much more and deserve to live a happy and healthy life

Happiness gained through enjoying the journey

From a very young age we are taught to aim high, look to the future and wait for happiness to arrive after we have achieved our goals. The consequence of thinking like this is that happiness is only ever short lived. When we reach these goals we are not taught the skills of appreciating and enjoying the pleasure of this success. Being future goal driven, we soon forget the successes we achieve (or forget the enjoyment we felt after achieving our goals). Our minds soon focus on the next thing we need to achieve in order to be happy. Then term "I'll be happy when..." Becomes all too familiar.

The problem with this type of thinking is that it's ingrained from a very young age. We are rewarded and encouraged for working really hard, achieving good grades, making the team, getting the partner and so on... However, these end points lend themselves to the search for new goals to fulfill our deeper need to achieve first - in order to find happiness.

As a result of happiness being attached to success, we often feel negative emotions such as depression and anxiety when we fail to reach the goals we set our for ourselves (or when we fail to meet others expectations). Thus, happiness becomes dependent on success.

What a difference a simple change in mindset could make!

Imagine the difference in your life if you could change your thinking to focus on the enjoyment of the present - the journey towards your achievements as well as the final success. Whilst it may take a little practice, changing your thinking simply takes dedication and persistence. The payoff to realizing how much happiness you have in your life right now (whilst simultaneously being excited about what the achievement of your goal will enhance in your life) is enormous.

According to the law of attraction, being in a positive state whilst traveling along the journey to achieve your goals will create a similar vibration and enhance the likelihood that you will achieve your goals. But more importantly, taking time to realize how great even small aspects of your life are right now gives you the opportunity to live your life, rather than waste it focussing continuously in the future and never really living in and enjoying the present moment.

A great way to start shifting your mindset is via making a mental list before going to bed every night of all the things you are happy about right now, such as:
- your physical body is alive and functioning
- your family (or certain members of it)
- your home (you have shelter, water & food)
- your mind (having the intelligence to create your own happiness)
- your job (you have the capacity to earn money)

This process is not about saying "I should just be satisfied with what I have". It's about acknowledging that despite your struggles, on balance you can find things to be happy about right now. You can then use these qualities to give you more strength and trust that you can and will achieve more in your life.